So, that magnificent ninja bastard, Cade, has tagged me and I now am compelled to write down eight things that I think people don't know about me but somehow should. 'Course, with all that spare time I've got, it's only taken a month or three to finally get around to doing this. As luck would have it, the cold bug got ahold of me and has forced me to take the weekend off. So, here goes. Enjoy, my friends!

1) I hate blogging. Did it twice, and hated it both times. It just feels uncomfortable to start more than one sentence in a message with the word "I." Most blogs out there are either (a) badly written, (b) written by someone obviously infatuated with the sound of their own voice, (c) about the same old New-Age-y 'personal, spiritual awakenings' that are written by seemingly everyone else or (d) all of the above. If you're a chronic blogger and the aforementioned sounds a bit harsh, don't take it personally. I said 'most' blogs. Chances are that you feel your blog is one of the few that pass the test of tedium, and chances are, you're right. ;) But honestly, do my friends need me to inflict every single political and/or spiritual insight I've had since this morning's daily little chai-and-NY-Times-ritual on them? These days, talking seems to take the place of doing, which pisses me off. As someone who once wasted several hours (which I will never be able to get back!) reading "Atlas Shrugged" by that neocon twat Ayn Rand (God, I hope she's rotting in hell) what seems more important is to live one's life instead of just fucking talking about how other people should live it. In that spirit, I'll try to keep the rest of these as brief as possible.

2) I love to crochet. Love IT. My great-aunt only taught me one stitch and she was left-handed so I can only make one running, left-handed stitch. It's relaxing, gives me time to unwind and think, and it's really cool to watch a blanket take shape under your fingers. Aside from practicing straight sword, it's just about the most meditative thing there is to do.

3) I procrastinate. Like no one else you'll ever meet. I'm incredibly lazy. I use the excuse of having no free time as the reason things don't get done, and to an extent that's true. But there are just some things that I will procrastinate on for months and even years. This blog, for instance. It's been in my inbox for months and I haven't touched it 'til now.

4) Six years ago, I spent eight days in jail. The reason? Technically, because I failed to pay a ticket for driving without my current proof of registration. Real reason? I procrastinated on paying the ticket (out of sight, out of mind) until a warrant was issued. Why was I dirving without current proof of registration? Because I procrastinated on taking it out of the envelope and putting it into the glove compartment that month. Note to readers: don't do that. Jail is so not-fun! The inmates were really cool to me, and one made me this really cool soap sculpture that I still have. But there are other, better "character-building" experiences to have. Have them.

5) When I was eight years old, I designed a hoverbike. It worked via a series of magnets running along the bottom which would send out a magnetic pulse that would be coordinated via satellite with the earth's magnetic field on the same polarity, and produce the repelling force necessary to create a suspensor field. You could control the height from a throttle that would increase or decrease the magnetic force expended, and accelerate forward with another throttle which would send the pulse streaking from the first magnet to the last, kind of like a superconductor. You could reverse by switching the order. When I was ten, I designed a way to enable people to breathe underwater. I studied the way fish breathe via their gills, and came up with an idea to make it work for humans involving implanting a second set of lungs. Also thought of surgically enhancing the lenses in people's eyes in order to allow them to be able to see underwater. Also, I wanted to fly, so I designed a way to transplant wings onto people. (And connect the required neurons to the new nerve bunches and thread the tendons and muscles up through the sternum and scapulas.) 'Course, I didn't know the first thing about the physics that would be involved in these little medical adventures. I was just a stupid kid.

6) I once had a crush on Ben Stein. (You know...of Ferris Bueller fame as the teacher who famously intoned "Bueller...? Bueller?") As in, the mega-brainiac star of "Win Ben Stein's Money" and a former Nixon speechwriter? Yeah, *that* guy. Of course, that was just as my 12 - year crush on Dennis Miller was ending due to his becoming a shill for M&M's, and just before my crush on Jon Stewart, though running concurrent to my ongoing crush on the late, great Bill Hicks. Nearly all of my crushes have been on stand-up comedians. Why? Because they're the sexiest people alive, that's why! Nothing gets me going more than an expressive set of eyebrows and quick-draw rhetoric. Mmm...rhetoric....

7) The smell of freshly-cut grass makes me nauseated. It actually makes my stomach revolt. Not sure why, though it might have something to do with the fact that most lawnmowers are gas-powered and the fumes are still bad for you, even if you can't smell them.

8) Theodore Roosevelt is my all-time hero. I could talk about him for hours. You just can't engage in a conversation about Teddy Roosevelt and not wax poetic. The man was a total god. He had his faults, to be sure (imperial dreams for America and taking political attacks as personal ones are among them) but overall, he was the baddest ass the Oval Office ever was graced by. He was the only police commissioner to still go out on a nightly beat (and he even busted up some crime rings while doing so!), was *the* driving force in the overthrow of the Spanish forces in Cuba during the Battle of Santiago, where he ran uphill into enemy fire at the front of his Rough Riders, and as President oversaw the formation of the National Parks System. A true warrior-poet, he was, in the words of one historian, "the only man that could go on a three-day safari in Africa, bag five wildebeest by day, and finish 'Anna Karenina' by the end of those three nights." For a really good read on the man who was responsible for trust-busting, the Square Deal, and this country's Navy, I recommend "T.R.: The Last Romantic" by H.W. Brands. It's bully! :)

So, that's that. The six people I'm tagging are:

David Silverman
Lou Genise
Joel Lederman
Stefan Broadley
Lisa Bruner...
and the mighty Quin!

So there! HAH!