another day..

its hot here today.. and i dont have air conditioning.. but thats ok.. its good to sweat..it cleans the pores and it makes taking a shower so much better. yeah sure.. went to see nazarath last nite.. not a bad show.. saw some faces from my old bar room days. it was kinda hard since its put on by molsons and there are people walking around selling beer.. im taking a break from cleaning the house.. dan is coming over later to put together the computer desk he gave me.. we see each other as much as we did when we were a couple . but id rather have him as a friend than not have him around at all.. im lonely for someone to cuddle with though.. i was looking around at the concert last night.. alot of fat girls so i dont feel so bad..

what the heck

you know its hard to be single and 50 now days..

first full day of summer.

welcome summer its about time, but then on the other hand before you know it will be ending. sometimes i miss drinking and partying.. id just like to take a break from having to think for a while.. to escape from the constant drama that surrounds me.. so i just withdraw into myself and read a book and take an adventure.. and thats not a bad thing.. i can go anywhere and do anything and be anyone..the last of the birthday parties for a while , today and tomorrow.. i think im gonna start collecting up stuff to go camping.. im not sitting in this apartment the whole summer again.. i can read laying out in the woods too..

june15

not quite 9:30 in the morning and im bored already.. it really sucks that gas is so expensive i cant go anywhere. i would like to go meet my cousins in salamanca. or just take off and go to north carolina for a visit. but on the lighter side.. woo hoo i lost 7 pounds..

almost summer

i have noticed that there doesnt seem to be a gradual change of the seasons. one day i t was spring.. now its summer.. almost 90 the last couple of days.. if this is a taste of summer its gonna be interesting with out an air conditioner

omg its june already

i cant believe its june already.. time for hurricane season. and the way tornados have been who can guess whats gonna happen in the ocean. woo hoo. ive had 150 views of my profile.. i wonder who all those people are. all the little old ladies are fussing about garden space on the other side of the building.. if they dont stop were not gonna be able to plant anything out there.. im glad im on the other side where no one cares what i do because we dont have a spicket over hear and i will carry my water in the wagon to water my flowers. besides mine are actually where i can see them when i sit in the window and sew

dieting

i just figured out how come im having such a hard time with losing weight.. i dont want to give up my last friendship.. food.. it never denies me.. and its always there for me.. i already gave up drinking and smoking cigarettes and weed.. and those have social aspects to them.. and so does eating.. so i gave up the the other social habits i had.. i dont want to give up the last one.. then i will be so lonely.. well we all know you cant give up eating.. but its like you can only have a little. its like having only a little hug.. or a little kiss.. or a little love.. but you dont get enought to fill that part of you that need it so much.. its like only putting a quart of gas in your car and having to make it take you as far as possible.. if i have to go with out something i want to do it all the way. im learning to live with out hugs and kisses and other intimate things.. hey but then if i can learn to just go with out food then i wont have to worry about going with out the other things will i.

rejection

some people handle rejection well some dont.. im one that doesnt.. i dont seek revenge.. i turn it toward myself and ask what did i do to make you not want me anymore.. you would think with my history i would be used to it..sometimes it cant be gotten past.. it makes one feel so lonely. lonely, now there is a concept im very familiar with

hmmmmmm

happy freaking mothers day... ba humbug i say..

busy weekend

colbys birthday is this weekend..hes 7 already.. i was one of the first ones to see him...well his head sticking out anyway.. seeing a baby being born is supposed to be so wonderful.. worst thing i ever saw in my life and i was brought up on a farm.. scared me for life.. im not having any more babies.. lol.. anyhoo.. i get to make the cake.. with good yummy chocolate frosting. and its mothers day.. that doesnt mean a dang thing to me.