What can I say about my week away?
I dont even know where to start
how to put words to this life shifting period of time

well...
my intention in going away was to shed some grief that i suspected i was carrying
for quite awhile now, i forget how long,
i have felt this persistent sadness on the edge of my consciousness
just there enough to let its presence be known
but never strong enough to really process it at a deep cathartic level

so i found someone who facilitated grieving
and also found her understanding of grief to open me up to new dimensions of who i am
her name is Joanna Macy, and her approach is called "the work that reconnects"
www.joannamacy.net
and she believes that the notion of a separate self is a deep myth that is deeply destructive
we are deeply interconnected she says
and hence our individualistic psychological models of grief are flawed and shortsighted
according to her,
each of us carries a tremendous amount of repressed emotions that are connected to our collective condition on this planet
species dying at an accelerated rate
people dying of hunger in a world of food abundance
wealth gap between the super rich of the world and the masses of poor people
wars fought for power and greed
homeless people dying on the street
aboriginal communities with shocking suicide rates
global warming
you get the point...

as well, the personal events that have triggered us are highly contextualized within a society and culture
grief around loneliness and isolation? you are not alone in this age of fear and destruction of community

anyways, the workshop was unbelievable,
and went much beyond facilitating repressed grief and anger,
though it spent much time there, going through these energetic blocks

i felt reborn
i fell in love again with humanity
i felt so much hope and inspiration
because she sees the light as well as the dark
do not despair
she says that we are in the time period of "The Great Turning"
that is a turning from our current models of "The industrial growth society"
and into a sustainable way of living with one another and the earth

So, that was the first few days away
yeah, unfrigginbelievable

So I got invited to stay for more,
for an extended retreat that continued with a small group of us who were there,
and focused on men's wounds, sufferings, and oppressions (our role in position of both suffering from oppression and facilitating oppressions)
a group of 9 of us
facing head on the struggles of being a man
as Joanna Macy said, "it aint easy being a man in a dying patriarchy"
lack of freedom to emotionally express
lack of touch
abusing our bodies, "like a pickup truck" as the Americans said
high levels of isolation
etc, etc
but the workshop was less conceptual, more experiential, DEEP experiential
the facilitator is training in a gift from the god's labelled "reevaluation co-counseling" - its powerfull stuff
www.rc.org
WOW!
and she was able to get right to the heart of our wounds
wounds that we had no idea we were carrying
within days we were experiencing deep catharsis
screams of pain
screams of anger
body shaking
tears pouring
as Rumi said,
"The way out of the pain is through it"
but one thing needs to be added,
we need to go through it TOGETHER,
supported by other humans living out their care, presence, acceptance, and love for us
there we were
a bunch of american men
and one young canadian man
and very quickly we were holding each other
ok with each others' pain

and out of this were coming the greatist gifts
not only relief,
but deep belly laughter
we shed so much weight we had been carrying,
and into a sense of being reborn

i am so deeply grateFull...
and inSpired...
and I will lead work on this material soon
i will get trained in co-counselling asap
i will lead a workshop on the work that reconnects in Vancouver sometime soon
i am organizing to get the same facilitator to organize another men's healing retreat but this time locally in Vancouver

the earth needs healing and a new humanity
we all need deep healing and a resurgence of life energy
and it just so happens that i am playing a role in all of this
YUM!
from that which i learn and experience and have gratitude
i give to others in inspiration
so that my gratitude may amplify
in the gift to me, that is deeply giving to others
i have never felt so selfish,
both in my pleasure and meaning,
and in the large sense of self personal healing and transformation that i yearn for for this world