Here it is six months almost, to the day, of my last entry.

Amazing that the same conditions apply then as now. My daughter's friend returns soon, my home is on the mend, the new batch of kittens are ready for their new homes, my poor dog passed on and we are almost ready to pick up a new addition, things are going so well. I love my career, my friends, of course my family, I only wish I could say that the financial situation would quit haranguing me...Too many higher bills are killing me! What's new, it is the same for everyone..

All in all many of the goals I had are firmly in the process of completion. I only want to profess my thanks. My fellow Revelers are the most awesome individuals I ever had the honor to meet. Here's to you, my friends, for being there for me, for inspiring me, for making me a better person, just by setting the pace. Love you all!

I can hardly wait for the next adventure! Hopefully it will be side by side with you.

I have been so busy planning, working, designing, meditating and willing the future, that is hard to slow down and contemplate the past. I think I need to look back though and realize how much has changed since this year has passed. I can hardly take it all in, and it amazes me that the person I was a year ago is merely a distant relation to who I am today. Is it for the better I have changed? Or am I still me in chameleon-like skin?

I hoped I would be one of those wise women some day. The green witch who understands the magic of Mother Earth. I wanted to conquer the debilitating debt I have created for myself, and create a situation where my finances would be a nicely flowing stream, well fed, diverse and flowing. I wanted my children to learn the vastness of knowledge that there is to find and to understand the meanings within the meanings of everyday existence and experience. I wanted to someday find that sweet perfect guy for me, and meaningful relationships for my eldest, that they also find joy. I wanted a home of comfort and a place to feel safe within. I wanted to experience more of this amazing and mysterious world! She is only now coming to reveal her beauty to me. I have always wanted to right the worlds wrongs; a female Don Quixote saving the human race from itself, and the other beings on this earth from the human race as well. I wanted to create not destroy, make not demolish, insert goodness where a vacuum of feeling lay. I wanted to love any, help any, mend any. Remember and rejoin, this community of man; touching those others disdain, and yet honor all that this earth is and has been. To heal it and to give back to it all that I have ever so selfishly extracted.

But I look back and I see progress, and failure. It frustrates me, and I realize that as much as I might try, I cannot undo the failures and foibles that make me human. I am like the man, Icarius, trying to fly and having my wings melt from me, in the blazing sun. Why am I not worthy to accomplish my greatest desires and plans? Am I too impatient? Are the years only days really, and have I just forgotten that nothing is accomplished in a day? Can I even accept the daunting fact that things change so imperceptibly that my notice of them falters? Or worse, is it that my efforts have rebounded into the opposite effect of whatever it was I trying to create? In other words instead of creating I was destroying and knowing it not. Could this be why the year was so achingly stubborn in it's determination to block my efforts? Is my life under my control, or do the fates mock me with futility?

I am a great bull sometimes. Dogged in determination, trampling with great hooves every thing I set to accomplish. Taking the path a bull takes in the red heat of it's anger. One more step. And each time I crush more beautiful, and precious destiny under my inexhaustible effort to make things go the way I want them to go! It does seem to be the way I am. Try as I might to escape that facet of myself, I am indomitable at the worst moments.

But I realize that the things I wanted in my life have, to some extent, happened; my daughter did find a man who brings her joy, and my little ones are more sensitive to the beauty of our Mother Earth, they are more compassionate and loving than I can take credit for. I have learned my limits in the financial quagmire that I am in. I have reached out and made small imperceptible changes in the condition of my home sweet home, and my thriftiness has been, well, a godsend. I made huge changes in our diet and I am proud to say my children are in the healthiest condition of their lives because of the commitment we have made to nutrition. I have found people who are as colorful and rich in their friendliness and generosity of spirit to be my friends that I weep to have the honor of having met them and to be with them, even if it isn't love in the sense of that one sweet man to share my life with, still they are awesome to be around. I have touched the lives of others, have done my best to reach out to my fellow man. I have learned how to take care of the plants I planted last year and not killed too many, and I have enriched the animals around my house with their harvest of my plants. And for all of that I am grateful, and proud to have been a part of it all. I am glad to have met the revelers. They are awesome.

So, frustrated as I am, I am happy, and looking forward this new years, mainly with trepidation, but with more desire to accomplish the tasks I have envisioned and to continue to grow in my knowledge and to help those along the way...

Happy New Years once again! I do hope this year isn't bringing you the same sense of disturbed rumination that I am engrossed in. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. May your dreams come true, however...