My Blog

utter and complete demoralization... broken down psychedelic refurbished school bus that i call home

Chris — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 19:50:37 GMT

I just came back from 2 hours of class and i have another class in about 2 more hours. I just spent the last night up with no sleep writing a paper. In the last 3 weeks i have had 3 midterms, a paper, and i have another paper due on Monday. I have another assignment to complete for monday this weekend and then on monday i will be receiving a take at home midterm. The week following next i have another paper due and several assignments due. As a result of this midterm frenzy i have fallen behind on the 5-7 hours of reading a day i am supposed to do to just barely keep up. I was supposed to have read 2 300 + page books within the last two weeks and by now, (both for the same class), and i havn't even gotten a chance to crack them open. On top of all this i can barely scrounge up the money to buy food. I work more hours that are intensely stressfully than i would if i were just working somewhere where i actually get paid for my labor. The funny thing is i work so hard and i have to pay them. My apartment is a mess because any spare time i have goes to recovering from school. Every day i am faced with perky young freshmen flaunting their i-book pros in my face when i don't even have a computer that can handle having more than 2 applications open at once without overheating and shutting down abruptly. Even if i had the time and money for any sort of video game i couldn't play it because my 32 bit graphics card cant even handle a simple R.T.S. but lucky me i get to watch little rich brats playing the sims 2 during lecture. I know bitching about luxury items is the last thing i should do when i don't even have enough time to sleep or enough money to afford anything other food than canned beans. This situation is really getting me down... i don't know how i am going to get through it all but i will. Even though i like learning and what not and tease with the idea of pursuing a career in academics i cannot wait until i am out of school. Either two things will happen. i'll sell my soul to the corporate machine and have at least something, in monetary value to show for my work or i will become a total hippie and live a life of serene, peacefully asceticism where i forsake worldly possession and throw off the yoke of worry, and probably still eat beans every day ... but they will be organically grown adjacent to the broken down psychedelic refurbished school bus that i call home. Ahhhh ... to dream.

Rain (not only a stupid poem but also a theory on the outcome of global warming and mans survial, i was really very tired and somewhat delirious when i wrote this)

Chris — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 10:50:18 GMT

Rain, Reign all night, The earth needs this, This Nourishment from the Heavens, You are wonderful who sends this. Replenish our springs, our lakes, Our caps of snow; That no longer Grow or glow or are. It has been raining all night as i study and it does my heart good. It somehow gives me a reassurance when the first rain comes. A reassurance that the world has the ability to replenish itself, to mend itself and feed itself. It feels so good that nature still occurs (in a time and place where nature is scorned, scorched, scarred and is seen as a scourge) and this rain feels like a sign of that (nature still occurring). It will make me rest more easy. Drought is the worst of things, and water is the greatest of gifts. Global warming sucks... A decline in ice will lead us to another ice age. Ironic. This ice age, although it will be a cleansing thing, it will mar the earth in its coming. Trees will be frozen out and soil will be covered, and carbon dioxide will only more saturate the air. Man will suffer, (animal will suffer) and all by his own doing. "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till its gone, pave paradise, put up a parking lot" - Joni Mitchell a line from Big Yellow Taxi, a sentiment with so many meanings that are applicable to so many situations and is no less befitting than to that of the situation i make mention of now. Eventually though, the salinity of the Atlantic ocean will equalize, convasion will be restored, and the ice will recede. The glaciers, having wiped out civilization, will leave room for reforestation. The reforestation will put the earth and its atmosphere back into a balanced state, and all can begin anew. I have no doubts about mans ability to survive through all this (via adaptation and ingenuity). If historical account of the way things were before is continued and survives, then hopefully man shall learn from all this, and will be able to live in balance with the earth; for living in balance with the earth is the only way to insure our survival as a species short of jetting out into space to go ruin another planet. So rain makes me happy, cause it makes nature happy... and it gives us a little more leeway (in the form of time) to try to prevent our self caused destruction. With all optimism and hope, i cheer the rain, nature, and man on.

I hate midterms....

Chris — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 05:54:17 GMT

they suck

a professor of mine once said that acid revoluntionized the english movement

Chris — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 09:49:49 GMT

^_^ ... i hear the GSIs would smoke pot with him before class