Finally figured out what makes me feel "punished". Never woulda guessed. I guess it makes sense though... especially with some of the darker things I'm starting to accept, and work on about myself. But to watch someone that I am submissive for/and have done chores for, do those chores... when I feel like that is MY duty... is a grand way to make me feel like I did something wrong, and am being punished. yippee kaiya.

A friend told me the other day, that his first rule in BDSM was to keep the Masters' property in the best condition possible. And it's true; it covers everything from the subs' safety, mental, physical and emotional healths, as well as his house and personal items and area. This comment was made after a discussion on sunscreen, about how I don't use it as often as I should; and yes we're going back to the house to get his. He went on to say that as I am un-owned right now, that means that I a... read more

Was stuck in traffic and my boss turned on the country station. This song was playing, and it's funny how love songs taken out of context can really tear a girls' heart out, more then it does in context. I realize that my father regretted not being able to tell me that he was okay that I was kinky, and bisexual; that's what they said at the funeral, anyway. that he kept a cd in his glove compartment to give to me if he ever saw me around Portland, that had a) Christian songs about coming back... read more

The momentary pain that rushes through my body, encompassing my attention for a few seconds. Trickling into my system as adrenaline, the delicious feeling in the torso as it works it's way through my body. My mind trembles, the waves of pain breaking through my walls of defense. I quiver in his grasp, his loving pain raking through me and tearing me open for him to see. My heart quivers in his hands, the pains so evident as they tear from me.

I feel the pieces falling out of me, shattering... read more

I suppose it's to be expected, but I've been feeling very fragile for the last few days. Like a champagne glass sitting on top of a bowling ball. Just waiting for the cat to whisk it with her tail, and I'll fall to the smooth stone floor. If I don't shatter on the granite, the bowling ball will make sure to grind me to a powder.