Silly cracker!

I saw these at the grocery store and snickered. Delicious goldfish crackers (you love 'em, you know you do) in a new whole-grain variety. And the package features.... a fish on a bicycle.

Would it be anti-feminist to buy them?

Dear Clueless Driver

When I stopped while walking across Stockton Street, and pointed at the front of your car, and flashed my fingers at you, and pointed at the front of your car again, and you goggled stupidly at me, as if I was a crazy person, did you stop and think that maybe, MAYBE, you were driving around with your damn headlights off?

Do you have a vaccination mark

on your upper left arm?

Were you born before 1973?

y/y

December 29th

I see the first Xmas tree kicked to the curb. That's cold, man. We used to leave ours up until after New Years before pushing it out of the house.

(Actually, in a rare act of green-thinking, my parents got live trees for much of my childhood. The trees came with a giant ball of burlap-wrapped roots, which were kept moist inside a galvanized metal washtub. After the New Year, the tree was planted in the back yard. It was kind of cool: a row of trees ranging from small to large, growing in the yard -- seven or eight of them, if I recall. I think if you're going to do the tree thing, that's the way to do it.)

Reminder.

Do not pick the scab. Do Not Pick The Scab. Do NOT pick the SCAB! Do not, do not, do not pick the scab.

Pick the scab? Do not. DO NOT PICK. THE SCAB.

Fashion Tip #719

I believe the first week of December is entirely too soon for the hobos and crackheads to be wearing Santa Hats. Tacky.

*I have never owned*

a microwave

a videogame

a backpack

an eyelash curler

an ironing board

a newspaper subscription

a hammock

a crock pot

a car

a toaster

.......Is that weird?

Whoa.

I'm whacked out on cough syrup and watching the Duggars (the family with 17 kids! and one on the way!) take a trip to the Creationist Museum (close to my hometown, yikes).

Dinosaurs in the garden with Adam and Eve (tastefully covered, of course). Did you guys realize that the world is 6,000 years old? Wow! How nice of that God Man to put fossils so deep in the ground, just to give us a little puzzle.

Yayyyyy, God!

QOTD

Is it rude to give someone in a wheelchair a standing ovation?