The people of the Front de Liberation du Kanuck are neither Messiahs nor modern-day Robin Hoods. Not remotely, even. They’re really just a group of fun loving freaks whom have decided to do everything they can to assure that Kanucks everywhere can take their destiny into their own hands, and mold it like a little ball of playdough. Hell, we might even take a nibble off it when we think nobody’s watching.

The Freely United Cartel of Kanuckistan wants total independence for Kanucks; it wants to see them united in a free society, a society purged of dumb victimless crimes, desperate unfulfilling consumerism, mindless conformity and tacky outfits that some people unwittingly wear without even a hint of irony.

The Front de Liberation du Kanuck is not an aggressive movement, nor a passive one. It’s kind of more of a social club for people who decided life as offered was just way too boring, and that they really liked having dry desert dust caked into their skin (and you thought mud facials were good).

Once, we believed it worthwhile to channel our energy and our impatience into the vast bastions of federalism, but the general short-sighted nature of the political system shows that what is called democracy is just a lazy excuse for not being a part of the bigger picture. We’re all about a do-ocracy. Got something you think should really be done? Well, what are you waiting for? Fucking do it, already!

We here in Kanuckistan know that people can get together and have a good time without worrying about the whole goddamn culture falling to pieces. Forget about the traditional definitions history has handed us. Most of our institutions are so crazy they should be institutionalized. People can only cling to the inner logic of the system before the system uses no logic at all.

We can make a world more exciting than the cookie cutter consumerist place we live in now. It can be without guilt-giving advertisements, without silly stifling social taboos, without clothes, and without creative constraints. We can build communities that are open and nurturing of the talents and ambitions of its members. Just joining gives that tacky outfit the sense of irony you always knew it needed.

We can stop worrying about consuming and give things away, living in the haphazard freedom of the gift economy. The art of production is being married to the production of art. Why be living in another mass-produced stressed-out life when you can enjoy all the wealth and freedom that we’ve already got.

Why worry about getting stuff you don’t need when you’ve got no time to kick back and enjoy it? Isn’t life for living, not just earning? We prefer to live a little lighter on the land. Be active, take a load off – you’ll weigh less. Drop that guilt off your shoulders; it’s not your fault. We have a beautiful, plentiful world here in these rich corners of the world, plenty to create with, and plenty to share.

People of Kanuckistan! Artists, anarchists, dreamers, teachers, students, CEOs and the unemployed! Begin from this day forward to take back what is yours; take what belongs to you: your jobs, your determination and your freedom. Feeling tired? Is that a hamster wheel your running around?

Show your creativity in your neighbourhoods, in your places of work. Or don’t – And watch the corporations wipe away our pleasures with the cold calculation of an accounts pen. There is more to life than that.

WE ARE KANUCKS, and we are prepared to F.U.C.K. things up. With the help of our little population, we want to replace this society of consumerist slaves with a bunch of happy artist crazies, a community to help and hope and keep people happy. We are beautiful, sexy, smart, and capable, no matter what the ads tell us. Our struggle can only be victorious. Once you know how free you can be, you can never go back to being bored. Come, join us. There’s plenty of cheer and beer to go around.

Long live the Freely United Cartel of Kanuckistan!
Long live our comrades of the burn!
Long live the Kanuck Revolution!
Long live the Front de Liberation du Kanuck!