right on
healing and self-hatred
Sun, February 10, 2008 - 12:39 AM
Rather than calling it self-hatred, we use the term ‘low self-esteem.’ inside each person is a constant struggle for self-esteem that covers the self-hatred. The struggle for self-esteem rarely stops. Everyone tries to be special in some way to prove their self-worth. It may not be conscious, but it shows in behavior, both underachieving and overachieving. There are those who try harder and those who don’t bother. We are in a vicious cycle. We try, or blatantly don’t try, to prove we are worthy by a set of standard we laid out for ourselves in childhood. Yet when we do attain the goals laid out in those standards, we simply disregard them and pursue different ones.
We base our self-worth on what we expect of ourselves. We demand an impossible perfection from ourselves. Then we judge and reject ourselves when we do not achieve that perfection. We demand a never-ending list of accomplishments from ourselves. As we achieve each one, we ignore and devalue it. We immediately focus on the next hurdle to surmount. We don’t allow time for the accomplishment to sink in or to congratulate ourselves for what we have done or for what we have become through our effort and struggle. We do not give ourselves the gifts that we have achieved or have given to others. Just ask healers to compare the number of self-healings to the number of healings given to others. Ask musicians if they can listen to and enjoy their own music without being judgmental.
No wonder there are people who don’t even try to achieve anything. They see the folly in the whole game, so they refuse to play. Unfortunately, they kill their creativity, spirit, life energy and sometimes their bodies in the process."
excerpted from the amazing book
"Light Emerging" by Barbara Ann Brennan
pgs. 131-2
Sun, February 10, 2008 - 12:39 AM -
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Sun, February 10, 2008 - 9:36 AM
Excellent blog!
However, the root of self-hatred/low self-esteem is due to low Emotional Intelligence. Our belief models are set up from reference experiences. The more reference experiences we have on a subject, the stronger the belief. We start out with just an opinion and graduate to a conviction. This also can greatly contribute to a self-fulfilling prophetic event such as those that love to use the phrase: "I never have or do such and such..." It also contributes greatly to the choice of what action will be taken as a response to an event or situation. When one is unaware/emotionally ignorant of what causes emotional reactions, then they are subject to being hijacked by their strongest emotions which in this society, are very low-road emotions such as fear, hatred, worry etc. Conversely, when one is aware/emotionally educated to the four base emotional motivators, they are less likely to be swede by low-road emotions. Hence, mental images that the person represents to themselves which is used to interpret an event or circumstance, is higher and the self-fulfilling prophetic actions are higher as a result. Example: A person who judges a situation from one of the four base motivators (e.g., Acceptance/non-Acceptance, Security/Insecurity, Control/Lack-of-Control and Inclusion/Separation) and determines which motivators is being targeted/firing, can choose to take a high-road emotional response rather than a fight or flight low-road response as the default without such emotional knowledge. :D Baba Mike |
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Sun, February 10, 2008 - 2:55 PM
Yes, you're right about patterning for sure. Low emotional intelligence is a Daniel Goleman term, right? The only thing that bothers me about that term is that it sounds inherent, as if a person is born only capable of a certain amount of emotional IQ, so to speak. And I disagree with that. I'm sure the term makes a lot more sense as an acquired state within the context of the book. I've had it for years and have been meaning to read it. Others seem to keep sliding in front of it in the queue.
Barbara Brennan covers this as well but from an energy scientist's and healer's perspective. She uses a paradigm of totality of the Self, including not only the physical body but also the seven surrounding layers of the auric body and etheric field, as well as our relationship to the electromagnetic field of the earth and larger universe. From her observations of these relationships, she suggests that the real cause of self-hatred is two-fold: psychological and spiritual (or rather, an energetic consciousness level). From the psychological aspect, she says it begins with self-betrayal from early childhood. Right away it seems our duality as humans takes root, and we begin to deny and alienate ourselves from our inner voice -- because of society, parents, peers, karmic patterns, etc. So these repeated denials of the Self build on themselves and create a patterning that becomes more and more habitual and ingrained. This sounds like it's aligned with what you're saying, too, Baba Mike. And those patterns are apparent in our energy field, too. So the ways we unconsciously choose to negatively take in certain life experiences create these patterns in the aura. When our energy doesn't flow well because our field is weak or we put up blocks, it becomes even more difficult for us to choose (with the whole of our energy, not just our minds or hearts) to have a different perspective on our experiences. And also, the patterns that we are born with affect our emotional responses to ourselves and others, too. All of these patterns can be changed, and it doesn't take magic; we just need to be brave enough to do the work. The healing Brennan suggests for this source of self-hatred is to engage in a personal healing process that includes identifying and correcting the ways you've betrayed yourself. From the spiritual perspective, she says self-hatred comes about because we have great difficulty as human beings integrating the experiences that happen at all of the different levels of the Self. On some higher levels, like in meditation. or during times when we spontaneously fall into flow, or when we deeply interact with others through higher energies, we experience bliss and inner peace. But then we come down to the everyday mundane level of the physical, and we feel stuck having to somehow integrate it so we feel full and whole instead of separated into parts: the Me that meditates, the Me that feels my chakras spinning, the Me that loves, the Me that works too hard, the Me that distances loved ones, the Me that procrastinates, the Me that hurt someone, the Me that spends too much, the Me that screwed up, etc. And that integration is incredibly difficult because there seems to be an unbridgeable gap between the spiritual and the mundane (for many people). In those moments, we can easily descend into hating ourselves and feeling inadequate because we aren't able to sustain that peace or bliss we felt in the higher states. Like we're somehow not worthy. As if! And so here, Brennan suggests that the way to heal is by simply loving and accepting ourselves where we're at and to recall that the universe is always in perfect alignment, and that because we are connected with the universe and everything in it energetically, WE are always in perfect alignment, too, in this very moment. We never need to transcend or become different than we are. We are already there. We are already perfect. |
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Thu, March 27, 2008 - 6:42 PM
Great passage.
This sounds much like what Eckhart Tolle is teaching right now on the online Oprah interviews. |
