I know Christmas is over, but can I just have a regular wish? Just for this year, maybe an early Christmas present?

I just want to get into FIT. I want it so bad it hurts. Moreso if I don't get in what am I gonna do then? Move to New York and wait till the next year when I can apply again? Sit around here with no classes to take and no way to move forward? I can't afford Parsons, so FIT is pretty much it. I've just been seized with this terror lately of what if. I have horrible transcripts, tons of W's and two F's in Fashion classes, but I know why those happened. And in all the classes I completed, A's and B's, including fashion classes. I still have a B- average GPA. I have 2 more semesters to get it right. I need to just talk to an admissions counselor and get it right. I'm just freaking out.

Oh, and one more wish, though I won't need this till next year: a $30,000 private student loan. PLEAAAAAAASE??

Kitten season is ending, thank god, and the shelter is less depressing. Today I went to the back to say hello to the usuals. I saw a bunch of cats were missing, and went looking for them, admittedly in a bit of a panic. I got the best surprise when I went up front to the adoption section and saw FIVE- count em FIVE!-of the cats from the back ward up in adoption. Paprika, Chocolatine, Chanel, Coco and Penny (I played with and named all of them last week except Penny) were all in nice, airy, light filled, window view adoption kennels. Chocolatine was the depressed seal point Himalayan with the grouchy face who had stopped grooming herself. Today she was walking around the “get acquainted room”, still with a grumpy face, I think it’s just a Himalayan thing, but she had pep in her step, she trotted up to me to get petted, and she even spent a good deal of time grooming herself. Of course, there are several more in the back I think should get moved up, I’m sure they would get adopted quickly, but maybe they will now that FIVE- yes count ‘em FIVE- cats got adopted today. My kittens are still at the vet with some kind of parasite, I’ll find out tomorrow when they can come home.
I started my new job at the transitional housing place this week, and my life is filled with kids, animals and fashion. I help kids with homework for an hour, then get an hour of downtime when they go to dinner, then spend the remaining hour and a half keeping the chaos to a minimum. It is stressful, seeing how people neglect their children and their animals, seeing the effects of poverty, but it’s also so….rewarding. I need a better word for rewarding. Fulfilling? It makes me feel like a real human being. I have to admit I’m turning into a bit of a snob about it. Not that everyone has to volunteer or work helping people, but I see how many people my age are so self absorbed, wasting their life on stupid things like drinking and drugs and shopping and sleeping around. Not to knock those things, don’t get me wrong I like to party, but if that’s ALL you do? Come on.
I grew up a lot in the past couple weeks. I counseled a friend with her grief from rape. I cared for a dying kitten. I helped a little boy with his homework and saw him understand and tell me why it was important for scientists to photograph okapis in the wild. I saw the difference a little love and time makes in the face of a cat, even when it pains me to see so much need and loneliness. I woke up every 3 hours to force feed and cuddle 3 stinky little tapeworm ridden kittens. I TOUCHED a tapeworm for godssakes. Well, with a tissue, but do you know how huge that is for me? I’m TERRIFIED of slimy stuff! I had worms as a kid, I was traumatized! They are fucking DISGUSTING! A few years ago, I would have freaked out. But I was really okay, I mean yeah gross, but you wash your hands (oh I washed EVERYTHING with bleach and hot water) and get on with it. My point is, I’d like to say I’ve been doing a lot of unselfish things, but like they say in Buddhism, it’s not really unselfish, because with this kind of charity, I get something from it: the warm and fuzzies. Oh, and hugs. Who can say they got hugged by two kittens and four kids today? I can.