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Curious Jim

offline 70 friends
joined on 02/12/06
last updated 12/31/09
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Monkey Likes Massage

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A Trained Ape Can Know An Awful Lot

What he said:

"A trained ape can know an awful lot
Of what is going on in this world,
Just by punching on his mouse
For a relatively modest cost!"

— Donald Rumsfeld, June 9, 2001

So we tested Don's theory scientifically, placing 100 "trained apes" in front of computer terminals for three months, with only food and exercise breaks. Did they learn much about the world? You be the judge: They produced the following collaborative statement (along with a tremendous stench):

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call The Gazornenplotz Zone'."

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I know: bad habit. But I'm bored!

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Warning: Don't Bug Me

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I wish there were more humans like her
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I shouldn't be telling you this

about me
You want to know "about" me, is that it? That's kind of personal, don't you think? Have I asked this already -- can you spare me a cigarette? I've really got that craving right now.
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My fingers don't match this keyboard!

I can sympathize.

By Chris Green
Tuesday, 10 March 2009

For the past 12 years, visitors to Sweden's Furuvik Zoo have boldly approached the chimpanzee enclosure only to beat a hurried retreat after being rudely pelted with stones by one of the apes.

Now scientists have claimed that the culprit, Santino, who collects arsenals of weapons ready to throw at visitors, is living proof that animals are able to plan for the future, a skill previously thought to be restricted to humans.
... read more
Tue, March 10, 2009 - 1:05 PM permalink - 1 comment
With a push from the McCain camp, the conservative blogs are suddenly aflutter with claims about Sarah Palin's "executive experience" and readiness for the presidency based on her six years as Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska -- a town of fewer than 7,000 people.
Mon, September 1, 2008 - 4:28 AM permalink - 3 comments
For any supporters of Senator Clinton that are still considering voting for John McCain after her rousing speech on Wednesday night, remember that it was McCain that started the false meme that Chelsea Clinton is unattractive. Speaking at a Republican dinner in June 1998, Sen. John McCain said:

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."

As teenagers we all were worried about acne, what others thought of us and our own self image. Chelsea Clinton had to listen to... read more
Sat, August 30, 2008 - 6:28 AM permalink - 3 comments
From UPI

Hoax Bigfoot was filled with road kill
Published: Aug. 21, 2008


(pauses to wipe tear away)


ATLANTA, Aug. 21 (UPI) -- Two Georgia men who claimed to possess the body of a slain Sasquatch said the mythical beast was actually a Bigfoot costume filled with road kill.

Rick Dyer and Matt Whitton, a former police officer who was fired once the hoax was exposed, said the Bigfoot scam was a joke and they never intended their story to become as sensat... read more
Sun, August 24, 2008 - 2:19 AM permalink - 0 comments
A friend sent the following e-mail to John Edwards:

I would like to have my money back---the $500 I sent you when you asked people to send donations and win a trip to New Orleans to work with you.

You never e-mailed me re the winner. I e-mailed you and asked you why not. You did not respond.

Now, I'd just like my money back. The money you spent on your girlfriend's video camera and similar.

You have a lot of money and I don't. Can I have mine back?
Thu, August 14, 2008 - 7:08 AM permalink - 2 comments
NEW YORK — Guantanamo waterboarding as a Coney Island sideshow — that's what one political-minded artist has created on the Brooklyn seashore.

The "Waterboard Thrill Ride," by Steve Powers, is a stone's throw from Coney Island's famed Cyclone roller coaster and Nathan's hot dog stand.

For a dollar, visitors get to look through a barred window on a Guantanamo-like interrogation, enacted by animated robots. The hooded figure leans over a man in an orange jumpsuit, his face covered with a ... read more
Thu, August 7, 2008 - 5:07 AM permalink - 2 comments
These guys are cool. What I mean by that is they are tranquil and not hyper (except maybe their young -- I think he's singing "On the Street Where You Live," Vic Damone style). And they are endangered, but maybe not as much as previously thought.

Associated Press
Monday, August 4, 2008

A new census conducted by WCS and the government of the Republic of Congo tallied more than 125,000 western lowland gorillas in the northern part of the country.

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND — Wildlife resea... read more
Tue, August 5, 2008 - 11:06 AM permalink - 1 comment
Sign the "Lieberman Must Go" petition:
Sun, August 3, 2008 - 12:37 PM permalink - 1 comment
I, for one, am not amused.

News circulated fast late Tuesday afternoon that back in 1986, during his initial run for the Senate, John McCain allegedly told a crude joke about rape involving a woman's affection for an ape.

The story, which was reprised on the blog Rum, Romanism and Rebellion before being blasted out by Think Progress, goes like this: In an appearance before the National League of Cities and Towns in Washington D.C., McCain supposedly asked the crowd if they had heard "th... read more
Wed, July 16, 2008 - 6:26 AM permalink - 1 comment

5-year-old chimp beats college kids in computer game
11:06 AM CST on Monday, December 3, 2007

Associated Press

NEW YORK – Never mind that TV show that asks if you're smarter than a fifth-grader. Is your memory better than a young chimp's?

Maybe not.

Japanese researchers pitted young chimps against human adults in two tests of short-term memory, and overall, the chimps won.

That challenges the belief of many people, including many scientists, that "humans are superior to chim... read more
Wed, December 5, 2007 - 11:08 AM permalink - 0 comments
by Bijal P. Trivedi
National Geographic Channel

February 6, 2004
When Japanese macaques (Macaca fuscata) began receiving food handouts more than 50 years ago— freeing them from the daily grind of foraging for food—they invented "cultural activities" to fill their newly acquired leisure time, researchers say.

Stone-play, hot-tubbing in volcanic springs, and potato and wheat washings have all become mainstay behaviors within various troops of macaques around Japan that are still given ... read more
Fri, February 2, 2007 - 5:10 AM permalink - 1 comment
I am deeply offended by this kind of stereotyping and species-bating.

And they didn't even get the title right. We're not monkeys. We're apes. Chimps to be more precise.
Sat, October 28, 2006 - 11:33 AM permalink - 1 comment
Don't try this at the zoo.
Sat, October 28, 2006 - 10:30 AM permalink - 0 comments
Great new Rickey Lee Jones song:
Sat, September 9, 2006 - 10:25 AM permalink - 2 comments
Jonathan Hoenig operates a hedge fund in Chicago called CapitalistPig Asset Management, and is the author of "Greed is Good: The Capitalist Pig Guide to Investing." He is a frequent "analyst" on the "Cashin' In" show on Fox News. Last weekend, he asserted on the show that global warming was “bogus,” and “dreamed up” by environmentalists to stop economic development:

"There’s no scientific proof that global warming even exists. To be honest, it’s a bogus consensus dreamed up by Greens b... read more
Sat, June 3, 2006 - 7:06 AM permalink - 1 comment
The accompanying image compares SIV (simian immunodeficiency virus) with its human counterpart, HIV. New research shows that HIV crossed over to humans from wild chimps:


But you shouldn't have been butchering us. Or buggering us, or whatever. It's really your fault, you know.
Thu, May 25, 2006 - 3:50 PM permalink - 1 comment
This is good news! I have noticed a lot of female Tribe members that I would like to breed with.

Humans, chimps may have bred after split

By Gareth Cook, Globe Staff | May 18, 2006

Boston scientists released a provocative report yesterday that challenges the timeline of human evolution and suggests that human ancestors bred with chimpanzee ancestors long after they had initially separated into two species.
The researchers, working at the Cambridge-based Broad Institute of Harvard... read more
Thu, May 18, 2006 - 10:44 AM permalink - 7 comments
My kind are starting to develop a bad reputation -- for hurting people really badly. I don't exactly know why some chimps do this. Maybe we have a lot of pent up anger about the state of the world, our rather subservient place in it, and our frequent mistreatment at the hands of humans. Or maybe it's just a case of "monkey see monkey do" where chimpanzees are mimicking the ultra-violence of people that they see on TV.

I want you all to know that I am not a violent being. At least I t... read more
Tue, April 11, 2006 - 7:40 AM permalink - 9 comments
Behind the Scenes
Unnatural Actors

Apes on television and in the movies have something in common with their human costars—their wide, toothy grins. The apes, however, are "smiling" in terror. To them, acting is strange, upsetting, and often torturous. Most people do not know that the chimpanzee "grin" so often seen in movies and on TV is actually a grimace of fear or a carefully choreographed response to a command.

Clear and Present Danger
In orde... read more
Fri, April 7, 2006 - 4:35 AM permalink - 4 comments
I have this habit, and it's really hard to break.
Wed, March 29, 2006 - 3:08 AM permalink - 8 comments
I need another smoke. Ready to stub this one out. Got any? I'm nervous these days, and not very productive. Itchy. (No, it's not the rash on my ass.) I keep looking over my shoulder -- but for what? For those who I dare not name. If I name them, they will know that I named them and they will wonder, "If he named us, he must be talking about us, and if he's talking about us, he must be worried about us. And if he's worried about us, he must have done something wrong."

I now know that there... read more
Wed, March 29, 2006 - 3:03 AM permalink - 1 comment
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Recent Poo Flinging

Quash the Quisling! ( community » sound off ) Sign the "Lieberman Must Go" petition: read more
listing posted Sun, August 3, 2008 - 12:36 PM
delete me
( local favorites » restaurants ) "This restaurant went out of business" That's the reason I give it a "1". It was truly a great restaurant, but the owners had a falling out. It was replaced by a Thai restaurant which offers very good food and service. The "Purple Plum" will be missed because was a rare taste of Sou... read more
recommendation posted on Fri, October 13, 2006 - 10:58 AM
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I'm Looking For...

Quash the Quisling! ( community » sound off ) Sign the "Lieberman Must Go" petition: read more
listing posted Sun, August 3, 2008 - 12:36 PM
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My Testimonials

April 4, 2008
This notice is to inform you that you are officially under Bear protection from M-F 9 to 3.
You are a beautiful Creature loved by the Angels who watch over you, the Mother Earth,
the YOOniverse, the Spirit in Everything and of course...

Sooper Bear! at your service! Love, Hugs, OOF OFF and away!
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