Ramble Ramble Ramble

Perfection

Ant — Wed, 01 Mar 2006 14:38:21 GMT

Joe Sorren is simply the most beautiful painter i have ever come across. I want this piece above my bed. La Luna is its name, and isnt it just perfect... as is this that I found on his site, a quote from some writing by Stephen Motley, a man and friend of Joe's whos poetry appears to have inspired much of his wonderful work.. And like a piece of liccorice eaten from both ends and left on the sidewalk. Miles and miles of pacing in a phone booth in the desert. A cross-continental pogo stick race to a finish among groaning sidewalks and suburban sprawl. Man, I dont care what you think. Parking tickets spiraling up to the heavens. The vicious cycle of samsara reeling me in like a fighting salmon. More coffee and the promise of sleep. I awake to find myself on the summit of Mt Hood, sleeping pidgeon in my lap, hearing the feedback of cellular phone calls and the wind yelling, sissy sissy sissy, you are such a sissy. why dont you just go home.

Synchronicities. aka Suicide Is Painless.

Ant — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 06:04:27 GMT

so i notice trends and synchronicities a lot in my life. from the common 'hearing a word for the first time then its everywhere' to the month long period recently where i saw amputees EVERYWHERE! every time i went out there would be someone with one leg on the tram, or a guy missing a hand would ask me the time or be punching the buttons on the ticket machine at the train station with the stump of his forearm. then suddenly the 'stumpies' were gone and i havent seen any since. yesterday i was at work, im one of those annoying telemarketers who call you out of the blue and ask you to give money to some charity that, its sad but true, you really dont give a shit about until i make you feel so bad about saying no you give anyway. so i called a man who was about to commit suicide. an ex doctor with bi-polar who had had everything he owned taken by the government because he wasnt mentaly fit to take care of his own affairs. divorced, kids wont speak to him, lost his medical practice, only given $120 a week to live on because he supposedly couldnt be trusted with more and then, the final straw, they had just taken his dog away. (way to keep a mentally ill person sane, take away everything normal and important in thier life) so, he told me, he had just layed all his medications, anti-depressants and such, out on a tray in front of him and he was going to eat them all one after the other and die. Now despite my firm belief in taking control of your own life, and if it sucks that much that you want to end it then more power to you for doing it, despite that ive grown up being told suicide is bad etc so i tried to talk him out of it, rather badly ill admit because of my shock and fear at the implications of what he was saying. after he listed all the reasons his life sucked in a cold tired voice he asked me why? why shouldnt he do it? and there was nothing i could say... today i found out that a few days ago my good friend Bonnie's boyfriend Dan took his own life. i dont know how or the particulars of why other than that he was suffering depression pretty bad and worse since Bonnie, the love of his life, had gone over seas for three months. i only met Dan once, when he showed up at my house on New Years Day with only 15 minutes notice that he was coming, wasted on speed and alcohol, to make a Middle Eastern lunch for me and my housemate Flynt. he was the spitting image of Benecio Del Toro in Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas. a big big Tongan guy with hair as crazy as the look in his eye, fucked up on god knows what, wearing only some tiny shorts and sweating like his body was possessed by a demon, which in a way i guess it was. he sat in our living room while we ate and played guitar and recited bad but entierly amusing spoken word poetry and i juggled and laughed and enjoyed the day more than any new year i can remember. i wont miss him, i wont say any bullshit about his genious or anyting like that. i didnt know the guy except for that one crazy day. but ive got a cd of his music that he left in our mailbox by way of thanks and sometime when i listen to it ill think of that day and smile. and when i die i hope thats how people will treat my memory

NOONE SAYS NO TO BERNARDO!!!

Ant — Mon, 09 Jan 2006 06:18:15 GMT

i havent had quite this entertaining a weekend in some time. im not much one for stories so ill just list highlights, wish you all could have shared it... swimming naked in the ocean at sundown while my friends laughed and cheered. it had been so long since i had been to the beach that when i chanced to be there wading just wasnt enough... half drunk karaoke at davids house. sueness i did a rendition of "just like heaven" that would have made you swoon hehe recording stalker messages on Adams answering machine, after listening to them all he was heard commenting "wow, those stalkers just get drunker and drunker as the tape goes on..." Passing 6 balls with Cel in the emergency room of the hospital at midnight after she gashed her knee open and waited for stitches which never came then getting to cuddle her coz it was too late for her to get home so she had to come stay at my place. i like cuddles and cel is good at them... i love you kids. i cant wait for BM this year when i can see you all again.. or for some of you, see you for the first time. much love for you all. and biscuits. biscuits for you all too. but australian biscuits, not those stale scones you guys call a biscuit. good old fashions tim tams... a man is not a seal. but thats no reason he cant have the time of his life ballancing a ball on his nose... "youre ballancing balls on your nose alright, i dont mind, i dont mind, its just that sometimes you want your own space and thats alright, right? right!"

Good Omens

Ant — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 23:38:54 GMT

theres a guy ive never met in my kitchen. he's completely wasted and making us Israeli food.... its my birthday tomorrow and for no real reason im looking forward to it for the first time in about 10 years... im feeling motivated to practice my arts, go places, make friends. be happy and free.... its going to be a good year.