Inner Dimensions

Summer is FINALLY HERE!

Shazira — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:08:00 GMT

I'm SO Glad! Summer has finally arrived in full force. The weather is consistently warm, the skies are blue, and everything is growing wild. I am so happy to feel the warmth on my bones, to know I can sit outside and not be chilled, to feel the breeze and hear the wind chimes. The cats love it , too, lounging all afternoon and evening in the shade of the big fir tree that stands at the back corner of my porch. Everything is making flowers, the colors lift my spirits and inspire me to be creative! All I want to do is dig in the yard, water the plants and take naps. Sounds sort of like a puppy, huh? Every year while living in McMinnville, I would haul some kind of bed out onto my deck so I could nap outside. One year it was an old futon, the next a twin bed, another a couch. Then I would rig some kind of canopy over it so I could sleep in the shade and avoid falling objects. Every summer while attending college, I luxuriated in my daily naps, with only the sounds of the River behind my house, and the barking of the dogs in the neighborhood. This year, I have the same dream...to create a place out on my deck to luxuriate...a place to lie and dream, to read or draw, to nap, to be outside where I can feel the energy of the trees and hear the voices of the mother as she bursts with life! Here in this place, I am blessed with a deck that is partly covered, providing me with shade and shelter, while still giving me the lovely view of my wild back yard. There is a small creek that runs behind my house, and it is overgrown with trees and brush. Just behind the house, there grows a patch of wheat...seeded by the straw we used two years ago as mulch. I have wheat growing in my back yard, here in the suburb of Portland! Crazy! I love it! So, I have this perfect place, and I'm going to build my little outdoor nest again...a place for me to sit and dream or draw or listen ....just listen to the Mother. She is always sharing her wisdom, if we will only take the time to listen. It is time for me now to listen closely as the changes are coming fast, and I want to align myself with Her. She is my Mother, my Glorious Green Mother....and I will rest in her arms today...if only for a little while.

Surrendering

Shazira — Tue, 27 May 2008 13:58:44 GMT

I was eighteen and was staying with my sister and her girlfriend. One day, while they were at work, I invited over a man I had met at a party at a friend's house. I had been washing the dishes and excused myself to go to the bedroom for hand lotion, where he cornered me. His intention was to have sex with me, of course. He pushed me onto the bed, and at first I tried wresting with him, but I was a slight thing...maybe 100 pounds, and he a large man of over six feet. There was no way I was going to win, but I wasn't willing. As we were wresting, I cried out in my mind to God for help. Then the man raised his fist to strike me, and I stopped. I did not want to be beaten and then raped. I completely surrendered. I begged him not to hurt me. I got up from the bed, took off my clothes and got back in the bed. I was terrified the whole time, but saw no way out but to surrender to this man's will. He could not, for the life of him, get an erection. I even offered to suck on him, thinking, if I but satiated his desire, he would leave. He could not get an erection. He seemed baffled, and embarrassed and said this had never happened to him before. Finally, he gave it up, and we got dressed. By now, I was playing along, and just waiting for him to leave. I pretended to be okay. We went into the kitchen. There he asked me to be his "lady." He asked me what I wanted, furs, jewelry. He was obviously really sick, but I played along. Finally, he offered to go out for beer and sandwiches. He said he'd be back ...but once he was out of the apartment, I locked the door. I was saved from the rape of my body by deeply surrendering, but the mental "rape" that occurred haunted me for years. It is important for men to realize that even the threat of rape can be intensely psychologically damaging to a woman. And yet this still happens to women every day. It is my hope that one day men fully awaken to their own true power....the power to love. Then the Goddess will show her face in fullness.

I Saw the Goddess Walking Down the Street

Shazira — Sat, 10 May 2008 14:52:39 GMT

Yesterday I saw an amazing thing. I was driving to work, and there was a woman walking down the street. Now, at first glance, she seemed like a very average woman. She wasn't particularly well dressed. She was wearing a long sleeve knit top, and a skirt that was well below Her knees. Her figure was very average as well...pretty light curves...average weight. And Her face was pretty...but not one that would grab your attention right away. She was really just very average. And yet there was something about her....something that caught my eye, and I just kept looking. What was it.....??? I then I saw it. The way her skirt swished around her legs, the graceful way her hand reached up to push her hair back from her face, the slight move of her hips as she stepped down from the curb....the way her hair fluttered in the wind. The subtle and very feminine gestures of the Goddess. There she was...in this very average looking woman as she glided down the street. on her way to who knows where. I was deeply moved. Deeply grateful for the chance to see this in a very every day moment. Grateful that the moment had opened itself to me. Grateful that I had the heart and eyes to see the Goddess when and where I least expected it! And I wondered to myself, how often do both men and women miss this opportunity, because we have been programmed to look for what society, what advertisers want us to believe is beauty. The overly thin, tall and very young supermodel. Perfect hair, poreless skin, an inconceivable waist, and very very large breasts. And don't forget...the flat flat flat tummy. Yes, I would have missed seeing the Goddess in that moment had I been looking for some very limited measurement of beauty. It is my wish that all of our eyes and hearts open, that we may see TRUE BEAUTY in all its unfathomable forms. Thank you to the Everyday Goddess that opened my eyes.

Opening the Doors to My HOUSE

Shazira — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 17:46:05 GMT

Once you have really faced your demons (even some of them), the rest of life doesn't seem quite so intimidating. Suddenly, it seems easier to make choices based on what my heart is telling me to do, instead of fretting what someone else's reaction might be to my actions. Each of us must walk our own paths...the path of the heart...if we are ever to create peace here. So it is that I have faced down and released a great darkness within myself...and I continue to do this shadow work on a very deep and intense level. It is taking me to new places, within myself, and without. I cannot deny who I am...and what Spirit would have me do...so I am setting my own heart free, beginning right now! There is a great delight (if not a little wildness) in my being...I am so happy to be alive...so grateful for the opportunity to be a part of this unfolding. I have spent time with the Mother, and she has shown me many things. I have much to digest, and in that, I find a fullness I have not known in a LONG time. The sun is shining, and MY house is a little cleaner today. I am so blessed and so grateful to be here.