My Blog

a high minded dialogue

Emily — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 18:59:17 GMT

So I've come across some fairly alarming trends in our society, and being liberal minded I do like to attempt to withold judgement until all the evidence has been collected. In the case of pubic hair, and women's tendency to eliminate it, I have to say that the verdict is in. I guess ultimately it's not the individual and their habits that are repugnant, but the trend in american society as a whole (as I have never lived in another country, it would be ill-advised for me to make blanket statements about other societies; yet it is quite possible that this business of being shorn is reflected in other western cultures). To me, a puss that is picked clean of every hair is a reflection of pre-pubescence and youth (wasn't it a coming of age when we all started sprouting down there?) and a natural indicator that this is not an appropriate time to have sex. As sexual trends have been carved out of a need for propagating the species, it would be highly inadvisible to have intercourse with someone who had no hair down there if one were at all interested in having offspring. That being said, I know I'm not down with the '12 year old' puss. Obviously I'm not about to be spreading my seed anytime soon, but to me the lack of hair is a very metaphorical reflection of our societies tendency to victimize women and make them into children again. That way, they rely on the man. That way, they tolerate making less money for the same job. That way, they abuse themselves in the hopes of being attractive. It's another way to make women feel ugly (as if there weren't enough opportunities already?) and it nurtures the twisted role-playing that exists between genders. 'Virginizing' women is dangerous territory. Not only does it justify the hunt (popping the cherry has always been prized recreational activity for men) it must also create some modicom of confusion for men. There has always been a desire to 'look young' amongst women, but I feel like it's being taken to new levels with this sort of thing. It seems to me that with the proliferation of 'Barely legal' or 'Just 18' porn (it would be interesting to find out when that became mainstream) cultivates a desire to 'pop' a girl as young as possible. But if the legal age of consent were 16? Or younger? It makes it really easy to take it too far all to often. According to the RAINN website (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) 44% of rape victims are under 18 years old. It's interesting, then, this trend towards baldness. To me, it's more evidence of the gross fantasizing that so guides all of our lives, and more directly all women's lives. Television, printed media, popular music, movies; we're being bombarded with manipulated visions of youth... beauty... sexuality. This has led to a warping of consciousness (how many hours do I spend a day worried about the way I look?) and as such serves both Capitalism and Patriarchy.

Art anyone?

Emily — Wed, 02 May 2007 17:47:26 GMT

FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT I PRESENT... CRACKER IN A BOX. Well since it's been over a year since my last blog (and my last forays with tribe in general) I think I'm past due. I haven't been doing much with myself except work and Kung Fu. I spend my days with soccer and martial arts, my evenings with food and booze, and my time off with my woman... life is pretty good, though I've been feeling like all this physical activity has been curbing my emotional and analytical activity. I think the last time I made art was in december (!!!) and I've been reading, but very very slowly... Some goals: I'm seriously instituting a budget starting now. I'm to make at least one print a week. I'm going to drink less (funny... this seemed to be a goal LAST year). I'm going to read more. One more thing: A co-worker at Bacar who has been in art school since I've been there is having his first personal gallery opening this Thursday. His style is mixed media painting on the abstract bent... and it's pretty amazing work. Those of you interested in the open house should let me know... it starts at 7pm tomorrow at Axis Cafe in Potrero. There will be a dj, food and booze!

Hand me some more of that brown water...

Emily — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 06:28:00 GMT

On that note I'd like to happily say that I will be cutting my alcohol intake down dramatically from now on. Yesterday I think I spent over 200 dollars on food and booze and realize that I've reached my wall. Time to cut it back. Among other things, I will be excited about the prospect of having exponentially more money, more energy, and more 'sober time'. Tonight I spent 2hours going to and from Kung Fu... and didn't even get to take a class! I got there and realized I must have had the wrong schedule because the gold and yellow belts were all finishing up with conditioning. It was a good time. I'm feeling very optimistic tonight.

At least it doesn't look like THIS outside...

Emily — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 19:39:34 GMT

So I don't know if I've just been lucky most of my life, and met really genuine and honest people... people who either say they like me and do, or people who never profess to any such thing... and don't. I've been wondering what it is about relationships that I've been craving, because honestly being single has been a very happy and fufilling time for me. There has definitely been an edge that I've been feeling lately, an urgency to meet people that I don't think is productive. I'm wondering if I'm just reaching out because I do get lonely sometimes, or if it's something more insideous than that. Am I still as happy as I have been? Do I still take pleasure in doing things for myself? Or am I tired, tired of focusing on myself everyday? I think this is something I need to work out, because I don't ever again want to be as reliant on other people as I've been for most of my life. In the same vein, why would somebody act so excited to hang out, and then continually no call no show? It's beyond my rational thought, and at this point I think I keep asking this girl out because I want to see how long it'll take for her to respond, and then when she does I'll just have to laugh and share my experiment with her. I just think people need to take more responsibility for their actions, in general, but also... be honest about things. Don't just pretend it's not there. Meh. So it goes. Today is a fucking beautiful day, I'm starting to not feel quite as sick anymore, I have a damn good cup of coffee and a couple of pussies... what more does one really need?

Dragging is kinda fun sometimes

Emily — Sat, 04 Feb 2006 19:44:18 GMT

Well, tomorrow is the bacar holiday party (yes, in february) and I'm going to be going in drag to surprise everyone there, but mostly my manager Tonino - just seeing his face will be priceless. I just shaved my legs today (forgot I had a big scar on one of them!) and Cheryl is bringing over some shoes to try with the skirt I got yesterday... pictures will be posted, don't worry. I've been fighting off a cold and it seems to have dug in with it's claws and isn't going anywhere. Most people at the restaurant are sick right now, so there was really no way of escaping it.

Goodbye Emmett, you little bitch

Emily — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 18:40:43 GMT

So today I am without car for the first time since I was 16 years old. I'm not quite sure how I'll deal with it - today, right now, I feel great about it. I'll be saving a whole hell of a lot of money, and I won't be supporting (as actively) this war in the middle east. BUT (and this is meant to be a big but) my car has been a way for me to be with myself, and a way for me to explore my feelings and thoughts in times of tribulation or otherwise. I suppose I should find better ways to connect with myself, better ways to isolate myself from distraction while figuring things out. But it's almost been 10 years, and so breaking that habit might be difficult (even though it will be forced). Though, the writing seems to have been on the wall, because Emmett hates me anyway (I've never had such a bad connection with a car before! Bad vibes, man...). This is, however, an excellent opportunity to get healthy. Kung-Fu has been good for me, and when I learn to ride a bicycle (soon!) I will have an even more energetic lifestyle. Which is exciting. Though, I am a little scared about bicycling in the city (so many hit and runs...). I'm starting to realize how important nature is to living. In Boston, I was completely disconnected with the natural, and with physical activity. My family had absolutly zero interest in nature, unless it was resort-like, and as a result I think I never really considered it a part of my life. California, and my road trip before moving, has been a revelation for me. I'm beginning to understand how connected I feel to raw earth. To rock and sand. The next few years of my life will be an exploration of nature, and a contemplation of my place within it. I have no ideas for my 'career', for school, for any of that. I just need to experience, explore, and create a solid perspective from which I can proceed in my life. I just finished reading a collection of essays by Mary Oliver, and her descriptions of the natural were so beautiful and so terrifying. Her writing gave me an opporunity to experience, almost texturally, so many places I took for granted in Boston (she often writes of New England). That being said, I think I'd love to explore Vermont, New Hampshire, Conneticut... all of which I never had an interest in before. I never saw the beauty of New England, and indeed that heightened my amazement of California (because everything in California is so dramatic, vibrant and expansive... so different than the East coast, where I percieved everything as small and grey and contained). I've changed so much this past year, and I feel like it's all for the better. Physically I'm healthier, emotionally I'm much more expressive and thoughtful, and perceptively I'm understanding a lot more about my place in this world than ever before.