In the post below is some of reasons for this journey to understanding. In trying to get understanding from the Native people i have walked past doors that have been open here because i had this mind set "i wanted to get understanding from the Native people themselves."
For two years or more ive known a lady who was trained in the Lakota ways along with her husband, many said i should talk with her,the lady herself often invited me to attend different things they had there, but being stubborn i did nothing for they were not Native Americans.
Because there seemed to be no doors open when i speak with most Native people on the net i sat with what i was feeling ( in the last blog)
A week or so later this lady invited me to a drum journey they were having, my first reaction was to thank but no.
Suddenly it was as if something opened within and i realized this door had been open for a long time, yet i had been searching the Native people for such a door.
Have been told many times to seek within my own culture, thought it held nothing for me, but here is one in my own culture who knows a little of the two words we live in.
The first drum journey:
The smell of sage was enough to send me off lol
One could feel the respect these ones had with what they were doing.
We first drummed and that was like setting the spirit free, seemed the beater had a life of its own and i loved every minute of it.
Then we lay down and allowed her husbands drum to take us.
"There was a tree, went up it and then on into the stars,
there was a circle of grandmothers, i approached and two made room for me to sit. Within the circle was mist it came up to our knees where we sat.
Began to feel a great joy come up it seemed to be bigger than all of us.
Then great sorrow, tears rolled down our cheeks and i realized these Grandmothers felt all the joy and sadness of the world, this circle seemed to be superimposed upon the Earth, these Ancients assisted humanity and the Earth.
Then there was joy again.
Each Grandmother places something within the mist, could not see what it was but felt it was a stone, then mind came in and thought maybe crystal.
I begin to thank the Grandmothers, when suddenly the sound of a rattle is heard, i turn and see a Old Native man, and realize i had not thanked the Grandfathers.
I arise and go towards him, he still shakes the rattle, and i follow him away.
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A few days later get a call from one of the women who was there asking if id come and see her.
Will not go into it but seems the Stone Grandmother or Star Grandmothers are real.

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Second jouney just last Saterday.
In the journey i saw a Native American man dressed in all red, (red man)
Seemed to wear a cape lot of things hanging off his arms legs and clothes, tassels, feathers, all red. He is using a rattel and looking at me begins to walk backwards.
I know to follow, but after a time feel to turn my back and follow him backwards instead of face to face.
We are in the North, place of my past, other feelings to do with spirit Elders which i cant remember.
Walk backwards into the East, this is where i hear and experience things and learn from spirit.
Backwards into the South, here is the place of the child that remembers the pure place within.
Then to the West, where this being is now, to walk and do that which has been given from all the directions, spirit walk.
Then into the North again to add that which has been learnt from this Earth walk back into the knowing of all.
For the circle is complete and there is balance in recieving and giving back.

Feel i am lying on the 4 directions, head in North, feet in South, East is left hand, West is right hand, heart is the centre of the Medicine wheel.
Then feel i am stood up, it changes the whole perception of this medicine wheel.
It is multidimensional. North and south are now above and below, but both are an eternal cirlce within the univese, my head and feet join.
East and West, left and right hands go out for ever to again create another circle within the universe or beyond ( it seems like this body/the four directions are circles within circles beyond the Earth.
The Earht is within this body, the pulsing of this heart goes out in many directions from the heart across the world, there is an understanding of different energy being brought in through the four universal directions of head, feet and hands that are also pulsed out through this world heart. Much i do not remember for the concepts are to great for this mind to find words.

Then am sinking into the Earth through the heart, meet a woman wearing tan, know she is the Mother.
We sit and she places her left hand on my heart and i place my left hand on hers and there is nothing left but the heart beat that is the same, tears and gratitude flow.
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I went into this journey with a question on past and Native American connection.
The lady said this Man in red (red man i called him) is a story to do with the Lakota and the four directions!
She gave me his name and said there is a song also she will share with me another time.
The blessings and feelings that run through me at this time are wordless.
How many years have i not joined any of these groups when the invite was there because i held this believe that it had to come from the Native people themselves?
Yes there are many who have abused the cultures, but i did not trust spirit enough to lead to the right group even if they are white!
The lesson as i see it from eyes a little more open, is when we love something enough, respect something enough spirit will always open a door so we may learn and share in our own way, that which spirit is always waiting to bring upon the Earth, even if we do not fully understand it in our heads!
It was my own stubborn head that prevented me seeing the door had been open for a long time, just not in the direction i expected.
lol we are funny little creatures at times arent we?
Now.....well it feels right to just do in the moment for how ever long it needs to be, but my heart is singing for now all the Native things that run through this being have an outlet, and others to share with that understand.
I say Native things for i have no other name for it, sometimes it feels it goes right back to creation, when we once knew how to live right.
Blessings and much thanks for this place to express the journey, joy and lessons of this time in my life.