is definitely my favorite event of the year. Of course, it may be my only event of this year! Boxing matches, gay underwear modelling, trying to get a guy that was straight out of Lord of the Rings to go with us to CC Slaughters, dance dance dancing and making out with a guy who I later noticed was scandelously younger than me. And I didn't lose any of my stuff...kapow!

I liked that the route was posted in advance. The strategy was to get to the next bar and get drinks and a table before the Santa onslaught. I hate waiting in line!

I think it was my favorite Santacon yet!

-J

but I think it's time for a few changes.

Las Vegas is one of the strangest places I've ever visited. I just went there to visit my sister (Lea) and her husband (Stan) who were there for a golf tournament that Stan and his overweight suburban white buddies meet for every year. Yes, I know, who plays golf in July in Vegas?

Anywho, my sister and Stan would stay in their hotel room and order room service and not get up until around 5:00 every day. I spent a lot of time exploring the casinos, which are fucking amazing and bizarre. Everything is so opulent and grotesque and the scale is just immense. I saw about 6 casinos, but I hurt my foot one day and so was subsequently grounded to Harrah's where I saw a side of me I do not like-the Jean that will sit and put money into slot machines, really believing and desiring to win big money so I could impress the folks back home. Luckily, I only lost about $30, but it scared and repulsed me to think that I, Dr. Jean, am just as much of a sucker as anyone else starstruck by those blinking lights, bells, and whistles....blech!

Now that I'm back, everything seems strange. I mean, this really is my house, not a casino designed to look like my house. The 7-11? Really a convenience store-not a casino designed to look like a 7-11....no blinky bell noise, no free drinks if you sit there long enough.

So I thought I'd record some of my observations while it's all still relatively fresh in my head. Here they are, in no particular order:

There were too many older ladies dressed like Britney Spears
The majority of girls there had that tired flat-iron with highlights hair look that I'm starting to despise
There was a lot of animal print clothing
There were a lot of fat people
There were a lot of foreigners, Europeans and Asians
Everything was very expensive, I paid $2.90 for a medium drip at Starbucks, $3.12 with tax
There was sales tax
There was no place to recycle anything
I liked the roof painted to look like sky in the Venetian shops
The Cirque de Soleil Mystere show was awesome
There was an unbelievable concentration of wealth
Many of the places were beautiful in a surreal way-I especially liked Caeser's Palace
No one would let you into their pool if you weren't a guest

The place was fucking bizarre. I would go again, but take better care not to injure myself or go with lame people who didn't want to do anything but sit around.

Smooches!

Last Saturday, I graduated from college for the last time. Not in the "well, I've got all my credits" graduated, but in the "wear a ridiculous purple and gold outfit and walk across a stage in Huskie Stadium in the rain while my name is called and I'm shown on the Jumbotron" graduated. Pretty cool, except for the rain. It never stopped through the whole ceremony. Pretty fitting, I guess. Mom was not happy, having packed exactly all the wrong clothing for the week she has been here, but everyone else took it in stride. It was the first time I've enjoyed being in Seattle since that yucky stuff happened two Januarys ago.

After graduation, I was filled with strange feelings of calm. I tried and tried, but could not think of anything I could worry about. I was able to enjoy taking time off this week without the nagging voice in my head reminding me that I should be working on my dissertation....because it's done! I haven't coughed in about 3 weeks, so there's no health concerns. In fact, I'm filled with joy because I may get to do some hiking this summer after all! Boy problems-nope, none of those. Money problems? Car problems? Friend problems? Nope. Golly! It felt strange to be so worry free.

Today, I feel twinges of nervous anxiety, but I'm trying not to succumb and enjoy the feeling of being Dr. Jean for a while longer. I feel bad because I keep snapping at my mom for little dumb things. I'm pissed at Helen for throwing away something of mine without asking while I was out of town. I'm a little annoyed at seeing blogs about quasi-ex-girlfriends. But are these things grand enough in scale to derail the feeling that I'm finally getting my groove back? I mean, I was consistently happy for several days in a row! A few recycled magazines might be inconsiderate, but overall, it's pretty insignificant when compared to the amazing feeling of BEING DONE WITH COLLEGE!!!!!

Life is good in Jeannieland....or should I say Dr. Jeannieland!

Hugs!

Yes, here it is, April 27th, my birthday. Now I am 37, a prime number not divisable by 5 or 10. I was not feeling very good about the birthday, what with the persistent lung problem that still has not resolved itself. I was thinking, here I am, only 37, with this health problem. What is there to look forward to? More health problems in the future, a compromised quality of life because I can't do the things I like to do, whining and being the limiting factor in plans with friends, seemingly endless dependence on those fucking inhalers....wow....how great is that? What a future to look forward to-an invalid, coughing all the time. Super-let's celebrate.

Anyway, I've been mired in this funky feeling for the last few days or so, and not really excited about the whole birthday thing. Today, I feel better though, because of a few small events. My roommate brought me some clothes she found in the basement of her friend's new house. One is a pinky pink Audrey Hepburn/Jackie O dress and jacket ensemb and the other a green cartagan (sp?) sweater. She's going to take me out to dinner tonight too. It made me feel special to know she was thinking of me. Then this morning, when I was about to leave the house to catch the bus, the FedEx guy pulled up with a gift from my mom. I haven't opened it yet; it's just nice to get it. When I got to my work, someone (Eini it turns out) put little chocolate candies all over my office. It's like the hershey fairy paid a visit! Then Dale called and sang happy birthday to me. Some folks may even take me to lunch (including Dykstra!), but I'm thinking that may not happen, which is okay. Tonight, I pick up Kurt at the airport and we are going out for snacks and wine. Tomorrow I have that dopey urban forestry symposium at PSU, but after that, we are going to the Hulda somebody lilac garden in Washington so I can look at some fucking flowers, goddamnit.

These things have made me feel special, which makes me feel happy. And hey, I'm about to get my Ph.D, buy a house, go on a really long vacation, and I have some really great friends. There's a lot to be happy about in Jeannieland, so I guess I need to try to balance the bad with all the good things I have going on in my life.

Anyway, I have to go be a scientist now. I'm writing about previous PNW and Washington sawmill studies today...WOW!

UPDATE: At lunch, a lot of folks went out with some guy who used to work here that is in town, so it was just me and Dykstra! Dennis Dykstra took me to lunch for my birthday...I'm so enamored with that guy....he's had malaria twice! I aspire to one day be as cool as him.

Also, Richard and I went over his comments about my dissertation...and there's not much! Hardly anything really; it'll probably take one afternoon to make the changes! How great is that?

Also, I got flowers sent right here to the lab! Golly!

Tuesday, May 29th, 1:00 to 3:00, Anderson Hall, Room 22, University of Washington, Seattle WA, USA.

I've got a hotel for 2 nights.

Hopefully they'll let me in the Ph.D. club.

Yikes!

Yes, it appears I'm finally going to graduate from college. One of my final hoops is scheduling my dissertation defense date. This is the day when I go to Seattle to give a presentation of my study and results to my committee, and afterwards they grill me for about an hour and then we all go home and hopefully I end up with a Ph.D. Problem is, boy, am I having trouble scheduling the defense date, and boy am I getting more than a little irritated with certain members of my committee who take for fucking ever to reply to my messages asking for their availability. I had the whole thing worked out, sent out a message about the finalized time and date, only to have one guy say he can't make it because he's going on vacation for Memorial Day. Why the fuck didn't he tell me that sooner so I would have known that time was out? SHEESH!!! You'd think these guys were never grad students with dissertation defense dates to schedule themselves at one time or other.

I am drawing upon my vast stores of patience to deal with this without sending a passive aggressive message to somebody, or to ask them if they are purposely sabotaging my efforts to graduate this quarter. They are just self absorbed, like we all are at times. I have to remember that my agenda is not that important to anyone else but fuck-if they can't do this little thing, how can I think they'll bother to read my 160 page dissertation?

Oh, and fuck taxes too.

Deep breaths, tea, long walks, weed butter-these things will help me keep from getting overwhelmed with frustration for a little while longer.....

Smooches!

I just checked my UW email and it turns out Michael and Anne are going to be in Seattle tomorrow. It's Michael's 40th birthday. There's a flurry of messages from the old crew, pizza at Heather and Luke's, trip to the Big Time, blah blah. I would love to see them, but of course it's hard to get up there on a mid-week trip. That's what I can blame it on, but of course there's no fucking way I'd go anyway because Phil will be there, probably with the big-forehead girl he took to France. Joy-why wouldn't I want to subject myself to that?

If I want to see them, guess I'll have to go to Florida.

What a bummer. I can't wait for the day when I think about that guy with indifference.

Look, I don't want to say it out loud, but I *think* it may be possible that I could be starting to almost feel well again. Except for the pain in my side, of course, but that only hurts when I cough, and since I'm not coughing..... I've been off all medication since last Thursday and (so far) no relapse! Tomorrow I go back to see Dr. Jon; hopefully the doctor will concur.

If I let myself, I start feeling overwhelmed with joy. Not only am I maybe kind of somewhat better, the diss is going great, and I've slept well for 4 days straight. All the sources of negativity in my life appear to be going away. Is it a dream?

Maybe there's something to this loving-kindness business after all.