Wild Writing in 2008

Happy New Year!

Here's what I am doing in a few weeks:

workingwild.blogspot.com/

Wild Work

I've launched a new blog offering articles, stories and ideas for how to create work that can thrive with our wildish natures. It would be a pleasure to receive your comments at the site, or here. I will never share your name with anyone without your permission, and will bring you tales each month on those of us who are working wild!

Find it here:

workingwild.blogspot.com/

If you'd prefer not to receive my monthly emails, just send me a note, and I'll oblige.

Please forward to your friends and colleagues.

With wild heart,

Sonya

I was seduced...I was curious...I wanted to see what the fuss was about

What's your reason?

Why Have Sex? (YSEX?) Questionnaire
[Developed by Dr. Cindy Meston and Dr. David M. Buss]*

(Jan Saudek Photo)

People have sex (i.e., sexual intercourse) for many different reasons. Below is a list of some of these reasons. Please indicate how frequently each of the following reasons led you to have sex in the past. For example, if about half of the time you engaged in sexual intercourse you did so because you were bored, then you would write “3” beside question 3. If you have not had sex in the past, use the following scale to indicate what the likelihood that each of the following reasons would lead you to have sex.

I have had sex in the past because…
1 2 3 4 5
None of my sexual experiences A few of my sexual experiences Some of my sexual experiences Many of my sexual experiences All of my sexual experiences

1. I was “in the heat of the moment.”
2. It just happened.
3. I was bored.
4. It just seemed like “the thing to do.”
5. Someone dared me.
6. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
7. I wanted to feel closer to God.
8. I wanted to gain acceptance from friends.
9. It’s exciting, adventurous.
10. I wanted to make up after a fight.
11. I wanted to get rid of aggression.
12. I was under the influence of drugs.
13. I wanted to try to get a better mate than my current mate.
14. I wanted to express my love for the person.
15. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
16. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
17. I felt like I owed it to the person.
18. I was attracted to the person.
19. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
20. My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
21. It feels good.
22. My partner kept insisting.
23. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her.
24. I was physically forced to.
25. I was verbally coerced into it.
26. I wanted the person to love me.
27. I wanted to have a child.
28. I wanted to make someone else jealous.
29. I wanted to have more sex than my friends.
30. I was married and you’re supposed to.
31. I was tired of being a virgin.
32. I was “horny.”
33. I wanted to feel loved.
34. I was feeling lonely.
35. Everyone else was having sex.
36. I wanted the attention.
37. It was easier to “go all the way” than to stop.
38. I wanted to ensure the relationship was “committed.”
39. I was competing with someone else to “get the person.”
40. I wanted to “gain control” of the person.
41. I was curious about what the person was like in bed.
42. I was curious about sex.
43. I wanted to feel attractive.
44. I wanted to please my partner.
45. I wanted to display submission.
46. I wanted to release anxiety/stress
47. I didn’t know how to say “no.”
48. I felt like it was my duty.
49. I wanted to end the relationship.
50. My friends pressured me into it.
51. I wanted the adventure/excitement.
52. I wanted the experience.
53. I felt obligated to.
54. It’s fun.
55. I wanted to get even with someone (i.e., revenge).
56. I wanted to be popular.
57. It would get me gifts.
58. I wanted to act out a fantasy.
59. I hadn’t had sex for a while.
60. The person was “available.”
61. I didn’t want to “lose” the person.
62. I thought it would help “trap” a new partner.
63. I wanted to capture someone else’s mate.
64. I felt sorry for the person.
65. I wanted to feel powerful.
66. I wanted to “possess” the person.
67. I wanted to release tension.
68. I wanted to feel good about myself.
69. I was slumming.
70. I felt rebellious.
71. I wanted to intensify my relationship.
72. It seemed like the natural next step in my relationship.
73. I wanted to be nice.
74. I wanted to feel connected to the person.
75. I wanted to feel young.
76. I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me.
77. I wanted him/her to stop bugging me about sex.
78. I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.
79. I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself.
80. I didn’t want to disappoint the person.
81. I was trying to “get over” an earlier person/relationship.
82. I wanted to reaffirm my sexual orientation.
83. I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions.
84. I felt guilty.
85. My hormones were out of control.
86. It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.
87. It became a habit.
88. I wanted to keep my partner happy.
89. I had no self-control.
90. I wanted to communicate at a "deeper" level.
91. I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn't have sex with him/her.
92. I was curious about my sexual abilities.
93. I wanted a "spiritual" experience.
94. It was just part of the relationship "routine."
95. I wanted to lose my inhibitions.
96. I got "carried away."
97. I needed another "notch on my belt."
98. The person demanded that I have sex with him/her.
99. The opportunity presented itself.
100. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned (e.g., on marijuana or some other drug).
101. It's considered “taboo” by society.
102. I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced.
103. The person was too “hot” (sexy) to resist.
104. I thought it would relax me.
105. I thought it would make me feel healthy.
106. I wanted to experiment with new experiences.
107. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person.
108. I thought it would help me to fall asleep.
109. I could brag to other people about my sexual experience.
110. It would allow me to “get sex out of my system” so that I could focus on other things.
111. I wanted to decrease my partner’s desire to have sex with someone else.
112. It would damage my reputation if I said “no.”
113. The other person was too physically attractive to resist.
114. I wanted to celebrate something.
115. I was seduced.
116. I wanted to make the person feel better about herself/himself.
117. I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex.
118. I wanted to see whether sex with a different partner would feel different or better.
119. I was mad at my partner, so I had sex with someone else.
120. I wanted to fulfill a previous promise to my partner.
121. It was expected of me.
122. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
123. I wanted the pure pleasure.
124. I wanted to dominate the other person.
125. I wanted to make a conquest.
126. I’m addicted to sex.
127. It was a favor to someone.
128. I wanted to be used or degraded.
129. Someone offered me money to do it.
130. I was drunk.
131. It seemed like good exercise.
132. I was pressured into doing it.
133. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
134. I was frustrated and needed relief.
135. It was a romantic setting.
136. I felt insecure.
137. My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else.
138. I was on the “rebound” from another relationship.
139. I wanted to boost my self-esteem
140. I wanted to get my partner to stay with me.
141. Because of a bet.
142. It was a special occasion.
143. It was the next step in the relationship.
144. I wanted to get a special favor from someone.
145. I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me.
146. I wanted to enhance my reputation.
147. I wanted to keep warm.
148. I wanted to punish myself.
149. I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship by having sex with his/her partner.
150. I wanted to stop my partners’ nagging.
151. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
152. I wanted to brag to friends about my conquests.
153. I wanted to improve my sexual skills.
154. I wanted to get a job.
155. I wanted to get a raise.
156. I wanted to get a promotion.
157. I wanted to satisfy a compulsion.
158. I wanted to make money.
159. I wanted to keep my partner satisfied.
160. I wanted to change the topic of conversation.
161. I wanted to get out of doing something.
162. I wanted to test my compatibility with a new partner.
163. I wanted to get a partner to express love.
164. I wanted to put passion back into my relationship.
165. I wanted to prevent a breakup.
166. I wanted to become one with another person.
167. I wanted to get a favor from someone.
168. I wanted to breakup my relationship.
169. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., herpes, AIDS).
170. I wanted to breakup another’s relationship.
171. I wanted to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
172. I wanted to make myself feel better about myself.
173. I wanted to get rid of a headache.
174. I was afraid to say "no" due to the possibility of physical harm.
175. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
176. I wanted to burn calories.
177. I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner.
178. I wanted to hurt an enemy.
179. I wanted to feel older.
180. It is my genetic imperative.
181. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.
182. I wanted to become more focused on work - sexual thoughts are distracting.
183. I wanted to say "I’ve missed you."
184. I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion.
185. I wanted to say "I’m sorry."
186. I wanted to return a favor.
187. I wanted to say "Thank You."
188. I wanted to welcome someone home.
189. I wanted to say "goodbye."
190. I wanted to defy my parents.
191. I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps.
192. I wanted to relieve “blue balls.”
193. I wanted to get the most out of life.
194. I wanted to feel feminine.
195. I wanted to feel masculine.
196. I am a sex addict.
197. I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.
198. I thought it would boost my social status.
199. The person had a lot of money.
200. The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
201. The person was a good dancer.
202. Someone had told me that this person was good in bed.
203. The person had beautiful eyes.
204. The person made me feel sexy.
205. An erotic movie had turned me on.
206. The person had taken me out to an expensive dinner.
207. The person was a good kisser.
208. The person had bought me jewelry.
209. The person had a great sense of humor.
210. The person seemed self-confident.
211. The person really desired me.
212. The person was really desired by others.
213. I wanted to gain access to that person’s friend.
214. I felt jealous.
215. The person flattered me.
216. I wanted to see if I could get the other person into bed.
217. The person had a desirable body.
218. I had not had sex in a long time.
219. The person smelled nice.
220. The person had an attractive face.
221. I saw the person naked and could not resist.
222. I was turned on by the sexual conversation.
223. The person was intelligent.
224. The person caressed me.
225. The person wore revealing clothes.
226. The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of him/her.
227. I knew the person was usually “out of my league.”
228. The person was mysterious.
229. I realized I was in love.
230. I wanted to forget about my problems.
231. I wanted to reproduce.
232. I/she was ovulating.
233. I wanted my partner to notice me.
234. I wanted to help my partner forget about his/her problems.
235. I wanted to lift my partner's spirits.
236. I wanted to submit to my partner.
237. I wanted to make my partner feel powerful.

238. Other (please fill in your reasons in the space below).


*Meston, C., & Buss, D.M. (2007). Why humans have sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36, 477-507.

Rites of Venus - No Stars!

I want my money back! This production was terrible. I wished I could say something worked, but alas, not. Vocals, acting, dancing, recorded music...bad, bad, bad. You will simply lose two hours of your life at this event at Hugo House (and the Little Red Studio.) Abd you'll be stuck there, without an intermission.

First College Graduation

We had an amazing time in Vancouver, for the college graduation of our eldest, Joshua, from the sound design program at Vancouver Film School. No caps & gowns or lame recital of the names for these dudes. It was a rousing presentation of their short films, many animated and some of the liveliest sound I've heard in a long time. The afternoon at the International Film Center was followed by a slide show of photos of the kids throughout the year, playing at foley, recording musicians, falling asleep at the mixing board. Capped off by a delightful Indian dinner at Nirvana with family & friends.

Our friends Carole and Gary, who we knew in Banff have children just the same age, and they've ended up in music and film too. I feel like we have created this brilliant tribe of artists!

Evening by Lajos Koltai

We went to the premiere of "Evening" last night, the closing film of the Seattle Film Festival. I had my family here from Kentucky, (who have come for our son's college graduation next week) and friends, and we saw this beautiful story and met the director afterwards. Koltai adapted this work by Susan Minoit, who wrote the screenplay with "The Hours" Michael Cunningham. A star-studded cast, including Vanessa Redgrave and Claire Danes, offers the work the needed depth, and Cunningham, who is notable for his work in moving the story back and forth across time, keeps the story clear without over revealing.

What was exquisite to me, as much as the message of "Evening" was how the director held even the difficult experiences of moviemaking. In the question and answer afterwards, he spoke of connecting to the actors out of love, beginning and ending each day with gratitude, and expressing that love. This darling man, a cinematographer from Budapest whose first feature ("Fateless") was about the effects of the Holocaust on a young man, seems to speak and act directly from his heart. Afterwards his eyes met mine and held, and I said simply, "Thank you."

Bliss

Someone held up a mirror and showed me my heart. I'm not talking about the 'falling in love" one does with another, that crush/delusion that comes from needing approval or recognition, or even love. The one I adored had nothing to do with it.

No, this was about finding the pure joy that resides within. No effort, it just flowed. It flowed from this sense of safety, of feeling protected, and allowing myself to fall deeply into not needing to control. Being me, without a need for approval. My heart crashed open. From here, I can be with or without a partner. Both are really, truly sensational.

--Jan Saudek photo

The Best Recommendation For Tantra...

And vegetarianism. Sting, in last night's Police concert in Seattle. Unlike a lot of concerts by rockers who go back out twenty years later, no back-up singers, no beefing up the band so they can skate, no fireworks to distract you from the banging around. These guys can perform. It took two songs in for them to warm into it, but that gorgeous Sting was freakin' operatic (and cut! - the arms of a god). The performances by Copeland and Summers were stellar, the video sequences artistic and compassionate, the audience spiritied and exuberant. We called for two encores and they gave it back. (Unlike the miserly Van Morrison earlier this year who wouldn't give a one.)
My favorite moment: Locating the Interpreter for the Deaf, who was rocking out as she signed up close to the speakers.

From the Seattle Times:
By the end of the show, pumping out those insistent punk/new wave beats, they had worked their magic. It felt like 1983 all over again.

Just before the band came on, a recording of the Wailers' "Get Up, Stand Up" played over the sound system. An appropriate introduction, given the band's famous blend of reggae, punk-rock and pop melodies.

The affable Sting wore a white muscle shirt and tight black pants. The stage setup, while plain, had a high dais with a jungle of percussion instruments, supplying drummer Stewart Copeland with an arsenal for a few songs.

After Copeland banged a huge, ceremonial gong, the band kicked right into its set with the hard-driving "Message in a Bottle." Sting was in good voice, hitting those sustained high notes and warbling notes that made him a star.


KeyArena, Seattle Center, Wednesday night

It took a few tunes for the band to hit its stride, but the dark, threatening, "Don't Stand So Close To Me" did the trick, about five songs in.

The down tempo "Walking on the Moon" was a winner, too, as Sting initiated a call-and-answer of "yo-yo-yo"-ing with the crowd.

Guitarist Andy Summers zinged a guitar solo on "Driven to Tears," and Sting hunkered down on bass along with him.

The crowd, a nice mix of young and old fans, clearly was loving the band's generous revue of its greatest hits. Fans stayed on their feet throughout most of the show, clapping and singing along.

With the audience firmly in its palm, The Police zeroed in for the first one-two knock-out combination: "Truth Hits Everybody" and "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic," revving up the crowd with a pulsing, new-wave beat.

Bringing the mood back down, they sang "Wrapped Around Your Finger." Copeland mounted the percussion dais and that mysteriously floating voice of Sting's wafted out over the crowd.

The band was at its spooky best on "Murder By Numbers" and turned in strong renditions of "De Do Do Do De Da Da Da" and "Invisible Sun" and "Walking in Your Footsteps."

The band's last encore, ending their two-hour show, naturally included their greatest hit, "Every Breath You Take," followed by a long, climactic jam on "Next To You."

It was the Tacoma Dome all over again.

The Police spent several weeks in Vancouver, B.C., tuning up their act before the tour opened there May 28.

The Film is Complete!

Writing stage is complete in this holiday film I've been trying to create as a Capra-esque classic. One month ahead of schedule! I'm really happy with the changes to the original story. Adaptations are tricky, especially from wieldly works.

Just in time to have fun at SIFF, the nation's largest film fest. I've been doing the writer/director track, lectures, panels, workshops, and I am seriously considering dropping into a film school program this summer, to help me forge this next film, and determine if I want to direct it. Ruminating about it in the moment.

Photograph of magnolia is by Carole Harmon. It is one of my favorite blossoms.

My Essay Is In The Southern Review!

The essay on how my beloved's brain injury changed our family has recently debuted in the Spring issue of The Southern Review. I am completing a collection of collage-structure essays that are based on the events, awakenings and challenges that happen when the personal narrative is interrupted by forgetfulness, whether it is forced, chosen, voluntary or necessary. Each of the pieces is held up to the light of the collective experience, questioning the assumption that memory is personal. What we choose to remember, how we choose to memorialize is critical to our mythos, and our moral center.

Since this is a literary journal, the best place to order a copy is online. Check out this fine publication at:
www.lsu.edu/tsr/indexOri g.html

I met the editor Bret Lott at a reception in Seattle last week. He was receiving the Denise Levertov Award for his lifelong work. I introduced myself afterwards, and he said, "Oh, the writer of "Creation Story". The people at the magazine are going to be thrilled I got to meet you." Wow. That was incredible. I thanked him and his editors for making it a much better essay than I submitted. What a gift it was to work with such fine writers devoted to literary craftswomanship.