Do any of you have a My Space account? Do you get it? I don't understand it at all. The space for comments doesn't really seem cohesive, like everyone is just making random comments or something. On top of that it seems to be an "Cooler than you Contest".

It's gay

A bunch of people pretending to be something they're not, for the most part. It's yuck.

But mostly I just don't understand the format, and that's what makes it stupid.

and this picture has nothing to do with anything. I just think it's cool

")

Mwah ha ha!

My creature is at last complete!
now go out and do my bidding... whatever that may be.

Well, I guess I'm feeling a bit better these days... time heals all wounds, or some shit like that. isn't that what they say?
I guess I just needed a couple of days to get it out of my system.
Realistically though I need to get out of this fucking town. It's sucking the very life out of me. Just being here is emotionally draining.

patience young padawan.

Katie, I miss you. Vadim and Joel, I miss you. Good friends like these I miss and crave in my life. oh but you are so far away...

Okay, so I got a second job. work work working some more. save save save. drive the fuck away.

sounds like a plan.

do or do not, there is no try.

right?

only problem now is where do I want to go...?

No offense to any decent men out there but...

I am so fucking tired of being disappointed. Most of the men out there are a fucking embarrassment to themselves and the rest of the gender.

I live with my ex right now. I will admit that I have caused him a great deal of pain as of late, but GODDAMN do I feel he deserves it.

How can you destroy someone over the course of years and then expect them to just hand their heart back over? And then pretend that you're justified by your pain while you pay homage to a major piece in that design?

I hate right now.

I hurt right now.

I feel like the last few years of my life have been a lie, that's the worst part. I believed in a life and love that didn't exist. I gave myself over to it. I denied others for it.

... but then I think of what I've gained...
my baby boy Shawn...

I think it's worth climbing over this mountain of bullshit.

I thank God everyday that we found each other.
I look at him with a quiet awe. He's so good and pure in his heart. It hasn't been torn into a million peices and sewn back together and ripped up again.
He's so beautiful it makes my own heart hurt sometimes.
He asks me if there's something on my mind. I say no because it all seems irrelevant when I see him. Because I don't want him to think that I care more about my anger than I do about him.

because there's nothing I care more about.

I can't wait til everything else fades away until just he and I are left standing.

til all these reminders of betrayal and broken promises are silenced

Then I can stop hating.

Then I can stop hurting.

Then I can take the stitches out of my heart.

It's stupid because it's moments like these that don't translate well as photographs. It's stupid because it doesn't say what it means. I don't like it because it's a lie. I look sad. I look cold.

But ahhhh... That pane of glass was warmed by the sun. It felt like warm cookie dough on my face. My beautiful kitty was watching me with qualuude eyes while she half dozed in the sun. Bees gathered pollen from my nearby flower garden. The new Fiona Apple album played sweet and melancholy in my ear...

Chalk it up to another misinterpreted moment.

It's my secret.

keep it safe.