The delivery went alright. As usual, adding new aspects always need the kinks worked out. Because of the increase in #s of shares and the fact that I'm still only one person (daym!) it took a lot longer to pick. To add to the rush, #1 son was finished his exam right in the middle of the picking so I had to interrupt to run and get him. Good news is that he and his buddy helped. Bad news is, it wasn't enough time even with the extra hands. Good news is (didn't we already do this part?) I got a spare driver. Bad news is (ahem) I forgot to pick the arugula. I haven't received any irate phone calls so I'm assuming I'm forgiven. Next week they'll get double the arugula. The borrowed trailer made me wish I could buy one. Alas, my little company can't afford it this year. The owner of the trailer is a great guy, and wants to let me use it whenever I want. Says he'd like a bag of carrots. Grin. I'll be paying it forward.

Focus of intent. This one's been big in my life of late. I've been asking myself "what, if anything, are you going to do about people in your life who're, well, toxic to you?" And, "What direction do you want to go with your work? You're not getting any younger, you know". That last one kinda bugs me, who the heck does that voice think it is, anyway?

So, intent. hmmm. I want to focus it on something, but am totally undecided in both the above aspects. Rush's 'Freewill' says "...if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice". Up until recently, I've chosen to stay in relationships that are costic for various reasons, not all selfish. Up until recently, I've toyed with finding other work, but none seems any better than the job I have. There's stuff I'd like to do, but don't think gallavanting around the world is conducive to raising a family, at least not in the way we've chosen.

I think what needs to happen is I need to focus on the outcome, and the focus itself becomes the intent. The outcome doesn't have to be so specific, as to dealing with individuals (after all, this sort of smacks of washing one's hands of someone), but perhaps the outcome I desire is to have peace and good people in my life. And the work; my outcome there could be that I follow the most perfect path for me, that I find, in small ways or big, where I will best benefit this world.

There's paranoia afoot. My # 2 son (most like me, I'm told), is a good kid. Active in extra curricular activities, good marks, mostly respectful, loving and nuturing. So, the other day, he asks me "How come you don't let me drink?" That got me reeling. I was glad to have been facing forward while driving. My answer was about 1/2 hour long (YAWN). Because I love him. Because he's at a tender age. Because I knew, personally, several people who were killed or badly hurt because of drinking. Because I want to give him other options. Poor kid. At least he's coming to me with this stuff. He wants to go to a party, where we all know they'll be drinking. So, what's my biggest, man? How come the prude in me comes out now? It wasn't there when I was his age. I don't know if he's asking me this to test to see what I'd do if he drank or if he doesn't want to and is looking for a scapegoat (he declined this and one other party on the pretense that I want some notification and he was asked last minute). If it's either, I'd better step up. We went to a movie instead, and I have other plans for future parties, (paintballing, swimming, golf, a party of his own), so hopefully I'm being a good paranoid mamma.