Affirming my reality

Going to Tahoe

Loki — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:34:24 GMT

The last few weeks have been somewhat overwhelming. Work is work, and every weekend for the last month and a half I've barely had any time that wasn't claimed by some group of people. Exhausting. I don't often slow down enough to go somewhere just to go there, but later this month I'm going to Tahoe. Not because I'm obligated to. Just because it's anniversary time and it will give the wife and I a chance to lounge and order room service, and remind each other why we fell in love in the first place. Now that's something to look forward to.

For all the cat owners out there . . .

Loki — Mon, 12 May 2008 21:08:35 GMT

OVERFLOWING CAT BOX BLUES (Jane Robinson) First I must mention the lack of attention: Here I am wasting away. (it's awful) Why did you get me if you won't pet me Seventeen hours a day? I ask you What is this crap when I sit on your lap? I expect a devoted masseuse; I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me Overflowin' cat box blues. Now I have grown gaunt from privation and want But catfood I don't deign to take (how gauche) But I could connive to completely revive When you give-a me half of your steak (done rare) I'll sit and I'll beg with my claws in your leg Until you concede what I'm due; I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me.. Overflowin' cat box blues. Hey, I don't deserve this lousy door service: I'm always on the wrong side. You know this Prancing and yowling, moaning and growling Works, but it hurts a cat's pride. So I'll just Claw and I'll spray till the door rots away And leaves me a hole to pass through; I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me... Overflowin' cat box blues. Say, whenever I go for the bed or the sofa You always shoo me away. (How rude!) You say I get hair on the fabric of chairs That offends your pristine derriere. Well now if I can't repose where I want, I suppose, I'll Throw up where you most like to snooze; I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me.. Overflowin' cat box blues. Well, you ought to know when a cat's got to go That you owe her a spotless commode. (Let's hear it) Why should I squat on the same soggy spot Right on top of three weeks worth of load? Now really! If I were a grouch I would piss on the couch, But instead I have pissed in your shoe; I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me... Overflowin' cat box blues. Since you have spayed me nobody's laid me - I'm all neurotic and tense - it's true now - Kneading and mewing is all that I'm doing And not wooing toms on the fence. Don't think that I've become bitter because I can't litter No, but I've lost a few screws; I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me Overflowin' cat box blues. I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me Overflowin' cat box blues.

Neo-celtic

Loki — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:19:41 GMT

So recently I've been feeling rundown with the energy I put into kink, and instead returning to music as a way to express myself and recharge. This has taken the form of learning celtic percussion as in the Chieftains et al: Bodhran, spoons, bones. This is great fun and I'm also exploring the catalog of recorded and live session music, much of which is new to me. Along the way I'm finding some neo-celtic stuff that seems to owe more to the Pogues than the Chieftains, such as the punk band the Dropkick Murphys who sport a bagpipe player. It's got me thinking. This is also fun, and a little more accessible for me in some ways, and makes me wonder: Iron Maiden/Judas Priest/Thin Lizzy and other heavy rock bands had a very strong sound with twin harmonized guitars and some good songwriting. How would those songs translate to an arrangement for whistle, fiddle, guitar, and bodhran? Am I the only person who senses an opportunity to take that as a starting point and see where the original songwriting goes once a sound can be established with a few covers? Maybe it's just that so many of my bodhran practice tunes are Led Zeppelin and Cream (don't have the chops yet for the Chieftains) but this sounds like a lot of fun to me. However, finding the right musicians for it sounds like a huge PITA, so it may go the way of some of my other ideas. Maybe just playing at the sessions in Berkeley and SF is the ticket.

ranting and wining

Loki — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 22:50:55 GMT

but not whining. Okay, I may have mentioned I've been getting more interested in wine (port, specifically) the last couple years. I'm the sort that tries to balance price and quality, and pretty much pick out of the supermarket/bevmo/trader Joe's selections without ever reading the wine snob magazines, tho I do check in on these columns from time to time: http://www.eastbayexpress.com/news/ashamed_of_that_cheap_wine_you_re_buying_/Content?oid=291344 Unfortunately EBXpress hasn't focused on port yet, so here are my thoughts about some of the brands I've tried: Presidential Ruby--one of my early favorites, both for price and availability. It's got more of a sulfite aftertaste than I currently like, but a good fruitiness to the main flavor. Berenger Cabernet Port '01-- Most port has a dash of brandy or cognac thrown in to halt the fermentation process while there's still some natural sugar left. In this case I think it totally overpowers whatever flavor the grapes might otherwise have had, and all subtlety like nut, fruit, or chocolate flavors is gone. Having all the grace of a thrown brick to the temple, its main saving grace is an absence of sulfite aftertaste. Not a choice I'm likely to repeat, which is annoying because I really like the Berenger Zin that's all over the supermarket for cheap these days. How could they let this stuff go out the door this bad? I'd be watering it to half strength, slapping a Thunderbird label on it, and and selling it to folks who think two buck chuck is highbrow. Graham's six grapes -- a favorite main standby. It's actually the first port I ever tried, but at first $18-20/bottle seemed overboard, so I drank Presidential while sampling other things in the $10-$20 range, which is still where I keep it most of the time. Good fruit flavors, good color and body, no aftertaste to speak of. Graham's Late Bottled Vintage Porto '01 -- for two extra bucks or so the flavors are better defined and it's all about the smooth. This is something to drink as a reward when I've been very good, along with a Partagas Purito to smoke. Ramos Pinto Tawny -- I think this may be a new winner on the low-price side (bevmo, $12.99). It looks thin in the glass compared to the ruby I usually choose, but it tastes great. Bring on the brie, apples, smoked salmon, and crackers. Coming soon: Sandeman Warre's Warrior Cockburn special reserve Dow's Brands I will probably never try, because at that price I can't believe the sulfites wouldn't overpower any other decent qualities: Christian brothers Sheffield Cellars

What is hip?

Loki — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:24:42 GMT

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/tower-of-power-what-is-hip-lyrics.html Lately I've gone on a Tower of Power jag, especially at the office. Uptempo '70s funk jams just seem like a great substitute for or adjunct to morning coffee to me, a way to inject some life into bleary eyes. I may have to get more of it into my collection, but for the moment the first three ToP albums are rocking my mornings. What is Hip? is the title of one of my favorite songs by them. The lyrics propose many things that might be part of it, but no definitive answer. So for today I invite anyone who takes the time to read these entries to give their own definitions.

Thanksgiving shibari

Loki — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 05:11:56 GMT

http://www.flickr.com/photos/21109787@N06/ and that's really all that needs to be said.

Cats

Loki — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 19:22:22 GMT

Recently I started monitoring this site, an endless supply of silly cat pictures: www.icanhascheezburger.com It's just something that brightens my day. . .

Pointless arguments

Loki — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 23:35:17 GMT

This makes about as much sense as some of the arguments I've witnessed the last couple of days. http://www.mindspring.com/~mfpatton/sketch.htm

The Possum

Loki — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 23:28:21 GMT

A few months ago we did some demolition in the back yard, and it turned out there was a family of possums living under one of the outbuildings. As we removed the floor they'd been living under they blinked in the sunlight, hissed a little, and wandered off looking very put out. Now it turns out there's been a possum hanging out under our couch for at least a week. Probably eating the cat food and drinking their water too. Susie's been saying she heard noises around there, probably from the crawlspace below, but the other day I got up to get some tea from the kitchen and saw the little guy scamper away from the cat bowl and under the couch. It was a juvenile, maybe 4 pounds tops. I was dumbstruck that the cats hadn't managed to take him down in all this time, but lazy things they are they must've just identified him as a particularly ugly cat, not worthy of their notice. After a bit of coaxing with a broom we escorted him out the front door to find a new meal ticket. What an odd evening. . .

I don't need a ride or a ticket to Burning Man

Loki — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 22:10:27 GMT

I'm desperately not looking for a ticket to burning man. I didn't have one last year and I probably won't have one again this year. If you don't have a ticket to burning man, could you tell me how you kept from getting one? Also, I don't have a ride to the playa. If anyone has a full car, would you let me know and I'll not go there with you. Last year I didn't go with some really cool people and I'm hoping to not go with more fun people this year. Please help folks - it's going to be one entire year before I can not go to Burning Man again.

Puzzle

Loki — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 17:13:18 GMT

In tech parlance, if something does not really exist but seems to, it is "virtual." If something does exist but doesn't seem to, it is "transparent." Using these definitions, is it possible for something to be virtually transparent? Where possible, show your work and give examples and counter-examples.

Pride/Leather Alley

Loki — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 20:00:52 GMT

What an exhausting day. Wake up too early, screech over to San Fran and load play equipment for the demos into my car, unload. Find parking, walk back, assemble equipment, and then hurry up and wait until the demos start. I went out to breakfast (OMG did I need that coffee) and had a nice talk with one of the J3A cadets. Still time to kill. I wander the vending booths and get a margarita from the ACLC booth. Demo time arrives, and the scheduled demo bottom does not show. At the last second the organizer finds a fill-in, who has never been suspended! Maybe not even been tied up! Okay, let's see. . . Ease him into a partial, do a very temporary transition to full. . . and take him down. Let him stretch some more, and go into a full from a hip harness. . . and he dives right into an inverted, he's loving it! Pretty soon I transition into a more upright position and then out, but what a performance from a first-timer! We end it a little early. Better that than to go too long, we've already covered a lot of ground for the demo. So now it's more hurry up and wait until the tear-down. Wander over to the various club booths and schmooze. Get my boots blacked. More schmoozing. Watching silly frat boys get some really mild floggings at the Citadel booth. Taking care to get water and gatorade at several points, eventually I hear the siren call of pizza, and then try to find a quiet corner to read a bit and listen to Portishead. Given the interminable Thump-thump from around the corner, this doesn't last too long. Watch more demos--I know I'd been told it's possible, but I'd never actually seen a hand go in that far. Dude. Eventually it is time to break stuff down. More pizza while waiting for the crowd to disperse. Run to get the car, and get the gear back to its closet in the city. I come home and collapse with chinese food, a Deadwood episode, and my sweetie, who wisely avoided the crowds and chaos. My cats demand attention, and all too early I'm out like a light. That was my pride day: consumed completely by leather alley. High point of the day: a certain freudian slip. The funniest part was that he didn't try to take it back, just make it confidential. I am both amused and honored, and enough said.

absolutely addictive

Loki — Fri, 25 May 2007 00:43:51 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoN6XfyQsr4 I saw this video on Monk's blog and can't seem to stop watching it 3-4 times a day.

Activities on the stove

Loki — Thu, 10 May 2007 21:52:31 GMT

here's what I'm trying to juggle these days, in no particular order, J3A (a big investment) DMA board (just starting) Leather Forum Bondage workshops and soon parties Teaching: ACLC, Citadel, maybe LDG before too long Demo at Leather Alley And of course: Beautiful wife MC rides house and home improvements kitties It's all good stuff, but sheesh, there's a lot there for a guy who doesn't even make it to the local play space very often. One of these days I'll throttle off to being just a plain ol' member again. Life is full, life is good, and I'm pretty blessed in who I have to share it with.

Busy weekend

Loki — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 15:43:12 GMT

I got so much done this weekend! Lots of yard work and such around the house, and it looks like we have three more adding in to the Journeyman class. Great stuff.

Feeding the troll

Loki — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 08:37:51 GMT

The internet is full of people who delight in baiting people and causing chaos. When they start flame wars on discussion groups we call them trolls. They happen in real life social circles as well, spreading gossip, playing victim, and so on. If they really want to have an argument with you, the most constructive thing to do is just disengage and let them have a tantrum by themselves, rather than allowing them to be the cause of a tantrum in yourself or others. Don't feed the troll.

Journeyman

Loki — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 21:45:03 GMT

J3A is about to start a new class series, beginning the second weekend of April. The first weekend will be a lot of important overview information about service, etiquette and protocol, mentoring, leather training, and more. The second weekend will be heavily focused on D/s and psychology with Celeste Devaneaux, and the third weekend will be a discussion of anatomy and the human sensorium with Doctor Smith, and Carol Queen and Robert Lawrence will do a day on sexual response, pain processing, and fisting. After that point students will no longer be able to attend without commiting to the full program, and will not be able to join the class. There's more general info at http://ca.j3a.org and of course you can email me for information.

Electricity

Loki — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 21:31:27 GMT

"I don't know much about electricity except that it calms me. . ." -- Emo Phillips "Electricity is neutral. It doesn’t want to kill you, but it will if you give it a chance. Electricity wants to go home and to find a quick way to get there—and it will." -- Hunter S. Thompson I taught a class on electrical play yesterday up in Sacramento, and had a really nice time. The crowd was surprisingly open and eager to try sensations and toys that in many cases they'd never even seen before. I expect there to be a bit of a fad for electrical play in Sac over the next couple months. :-)

Fear him.

Loki — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 18:10:12 GMT

Thought for a day

Loki — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 20:42:43 GMT

"The more you stare at a computer screen, the more you understand it only knows what you tell it. The more you stare at a television, the more you understand you only know what it tells you." Something very Chomsky about that. Anyone care to add a thought?

Happy Feet

Loki — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 06:07:16 GMT

I've just discovered that Happy Feet will be released to DVD at the end of the month. This is absolutely, without question, the cutest movie in years. Dancing, singing penguins, against a backdrop of "An Inconvenient Truth" -- what more could you ask for?

Is it REAL?

Loki — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 19:28:23 GMT

It seems all too common to get caught up in trying to define the "reality " of some very subjective things. Is an online relationship really a relationship? Maybe, but I think it's all too possible to have real feelings for a person that isn't who you thought they were, in some sense the real feelings are for an imagined person. That sounds like dysfunction waiting to happen. Is person X a REAL dominant or submissive? Sometimes people can get very unkind, attacking the genuineness of others' essences when all that's needed is an assessment that they're a poor relationship fit FOR THEM. Absolutist and judgemental language can get in the way of appreciating who others are if we're overfocused on what they're not. I qouted this in a thread yeaterday, and while I do think the reality of some things comes from what we invest in it in the moment, the quest to become more genuine with ourselves and others is an ongoing process that we don't accomplish alone, and may never be complete. The journey is always a worthy adventure, though. "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?" "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." "I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled. "The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always." The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him. -- The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

more appreciation

Loki — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 05:41:01 GMT

More things I appreciate about my wife: Hottie. And she seems to think I am too! She's probably smarter than I am. She's definitely better organized. She fits just right under my chin when we hug. She's about as much of a snuggler as I am. I love the look on her face when I bring her roses. Our tastes in play match pretty well. We'd both probably like to play more than we do, but we're working out how to make special time for the two of us in the midst of everything else that's going on. We can support each other, and make each other feel safe and loved. She gets me, and loves me the way I am without trying to make me be someone I'm not. We enjoy a lot of the same things entertainment-wise, and can respect the areas where our tastes don't overlap. This means we can have some pretty lengthy lord of the rings edition trivial pursuit games, and just geek away to our little heart's content. To quote the departed Sonny Bono, "I got you, babe."

Blog? It might not feel like one. . .

Loki — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 00:52:42 GMT

So I got a wild hair today, and thought I'd choose to use the profile's blog function. However, I'm choosing today to only post to it when I'm really in a place of gratitude and feel like expressing it. Today is Valentine's Day, and of course I'm grateful to have my wife in my life. She makes all sorts of things possible and easier for me, and while if we'd never met I would probably be okay, with her in my life there is joy. I love you Susie. I'm glad I have my home and my cats. They keep me grounded. Well, the cats are slightly psycho, but you would be too if you hardly ever left the house. I'm glad to have the challenges and intensity that Journeyman brings to my life. Somehow I and those who care to make something magical happen, over and over, and here we go again. I'm glad to have my bike, and a riding club that's a good pressure relief valve for me. The bike is paid for and my prospect days are drawing to a close, what more could I want here? Life is good. Of course I have other things and people in my life to be grateful for, but that's a start for today.