Musings and conversations with myself

Punctured by a Quill.

Meeow — Fri, 09 May 2008 15:46:22 GMT

I never thought of bellydancing as a dangerous hobby. Apparently it is, if you are me. I was leaving class last night holding my dance bag...and it bumped against my leg. No big deal, right? Not if you have a porcupine quill in there! It was like a red hot poker was shoved inside my knee! Holy crap, I thought it was stuck! I wilted to the floor, and pulled up the leg on my pantaloons. Whew. Nothing broke off the tip of the quill, thank god. But ow I have a nice little puncture would on the side of my knee that's making me limp. Seriously, it only went in, like, less than 1/4 inch. Way less. Sigh. I hope I am not limping for my performance tomorrow. I think I just need to keep walking it out.

Farmer's Market Bellydancing! Come see me!

Meeow — Fri, 09 May 2008 15:38:12 GMT

I am performing on Saturday morning at the local farmer's market in HMB. We have the first show at 10:30, and the second one at 11:30. We are collecting donations for a local organization, HEAL. There will be great produce, gifts, breads and other delectable treats at the Farmer's Market. Of course, there will be us, bellydancing for you! We have some new costuming and new dances! Yay! Please ask me if you have any questions. Directions: From 92 W -----> Make a left onto Hwy 1South (towards Santa Cruz) Make a U-turn at Kelly Ave (next stoplight) Turn Right into the second Driveway at Shoreline Station (you will see a train car by the entrance) Park anywhere, we will be in the Parking lot area behind the buildings. You should see signs and everything.

It's Finished!

Meeow — Wed, 07 May 2008 23:07:27 GMT

I finished my first Successful Tassel Belt for my performance this coming saturday! Yippee! Took me forever. Prototype number three was the charm...Now I just have to fix the Turkish Vest so it actually fits, put some gold ribbony stuff on my coin bra, figure out how to put on my head pieces and I am all set!

Coming to Terms

Meeow — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 19:52:05 GMT

I am going to buy a scale today. I don't know how I feel about it. It has never been about the weight for me. Maybe that's because I have always been able to eat whatever and not worry about it. So different now. I have to exercise to keep my figure. I watch what I eat. I haven't been as active as I used to be. I get comfortable with the less than perfect me ( I don't strive to be perfect, just what i want myself to be). I get lazy, stagnant. I know my hubby loves me and thinks I am sexy/hot/beautiful, so I don't need to impress all the time. Sometimes I will look in the mirror and not like what I see. I need to get off my ass and do something. I don;t want to be governed by a scale. Maybe it is time to go through with it. Have a goal in mind. That would help, much better than: "Well, I hope my pants fit this week."

Red line = Cracked out tweaky feeling body/brain

Meeow — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:52:56 GMT

I went out dancing Friday night. Before we headed out of town, I shared a Red Line with a friend. Bad idea. That shit is like bad bad bad crack. I didn't sleep that night, at all. I tried to take a nap the next day, not happening. My body was tired, but my brain was awake. Then I went out dancing a gain on Saturday. I felt a bit better and slept for a few hours. That stuff really messed me up. Never again. Blech.

Just thinking

Meeow — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 18:39:41 GMT

I have been contemplating starting a food journal. Something to motivate me to eat healthier, and less. I also think that if I am putting the info out there for all to see, it will help me to not eat such bad food. lol. Thoughts? has anyone else ever done this? Has it helped?

12 Line Poem Topic

Meeow — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:35:08 GMT

Sigh, i have to come up with a 12 line poem for my Speech class. I don't know what to use as a topic.. Any suggestions? I hate asking for other peoples thoughts on school matters, but I am just not into it today... It's due on wed...

I can go two days without...Right?

Meeow — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:49:08 GMT

My car is in the shop. I dropped it off yesterday morning. They were going to start on it then, but the guy who was supposed to work on it called in sick (for the 3rd day). I would rather wait for him to work on my car, anyway. I had to ride my bike home, in the midst of a mysterious illness I am coming down with. Poo. But I made it home, in my work pants. It seems I need a new front tire, or just more air in it; the bike wasn't too keen on making any sharp turns...I wanted tog o to my bellydance class last night, but was not about to ride my bike with my pounding head and crazy stomach cramp. So I cleaned. Watched TV. Pretended to do some homework. Made some dinner, it was totally gross, I had leftovers. Watched Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. Went to bed. I couldn't stop coughing; therefore, my husband could not fall asleep. I slept on the couch. Hopefully I can get someone to come pick me up form work today (preferably with a truck to pick up my bike as well) and take me to my (hopefully) finished car. I am so glad it is friday.

Oops...

Meeow — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:29:07 GMT

I inadvertently stole an Odwalla from Safeway. Sigh, super spacey this morning due to whatever ailment I am coming down with this week. Flu? Cold? My body retaliating due to my expansive alcohol consumption this past week? Who knows. Glad it's friday and I can sleep in tomorrow.

So emabrassing

Meeow — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:00:35 GMT

I got to keep the VHS tape of my most recent speech. I was teaching the class how to perform a tribal taxeem. I have been dancing for about 2.5 years, and don't quite consider myself a bellydancer yet. This was the only topic I felt comfortable teaching about, though. I brought the tape last night to my class to show my teacher. I didn't really want anyone else to see it, I don't have a lot of confidence in that area. I don't consider myself a speaker, or a teacher. Well, as it would happen, two students came in right as she was starting the video...Rats! So, as I sat back completely embarrassed, they all watched my presentation. I was surprised at the feedback. My teacher found me to be a very good speaker, and she was impressed at the way i delivered the speech, and that I actually do pay attention in class! Phew! No embarrassment for her. All in all, I think it turned out fairly well. We'll see what grade I get, but as long as Janice is happy with my presentation, I am happy!

I am always emotional, I'm a woman.

Meeow — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:59:03 GMT

I was on my way to work, and listening to NPR, I started to tear up. They were broadcasting the speech that was given by Bobby Kennedy to a neighborhood after MLK was shot and killed. He was reading a poem, and I started crying. Any intense emotion, and I cry. WTF? I cry during sad or really happy commercials, movies always make me cry.

Something isn't going to work

Meeow — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 20:19:02 GMT

I go in to the dentist tomorrow. I wound someone to cover my shift while I am gone. I hate going to the dentist. Although, this is the BEST one I have ever been to. He is also a good friend of ours, and he does my work for no charge(great fro when you have no dental insurance)...I might get another root canal, or they might finish the one that is already started, or they might just do a light patching of what is there. I don't know. This is all fine usually, but I also have a speech to give that evening in my class. As well as a test for that class. Good times. So I am going to study away this evening, along with my chores and exercising. It will be an interesting day, for sure.

Overprotective Nightmares

Meeow — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:47:27 GMT

I am kinda freaked out to have kids. I had a dream last night about my dog. She got pummeled by a giant wave and was smashed into the rock wall by a deer. Don't ask what a deer was doing in the ocean, or what the ocean was doing next t a dry desert. Anyway. I am constantly having dreams of my doggy injuring herself, or getting into situations that would cause her harm. I am afraid that when I have kids, I am going to be so freaked out that they are going to get hurt, that I will be one of those neurotic overprotective parents that drive their kids, friends and family crazy. Am I the only one that gets like this? I am not even close to having children yet. when my alarm went off while I was dreaming, I woke up and was so shaken by what happened in my dream that I hit snooze and went back to sleep so I could make the dream end in a good way so I could wake up feeling ok.

Back to my youth (not so far behind me)

Meeow — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:48:22 GMT

I love the way a pencil sounds when I write on a piece of paper. It reminds me of elementary school, when we still used real wooden pencils. Fervently scratching to get my assignments done in Junior High; not wanting to use pen so I could erase my mistakes. I recall scribbling on my notepad all the thoughts in my head, writing in my journal (because I was too old for a diary), jotting down my mediocre poetry. It reminds me of the freedoms I thought I had when I was young. I feel carefree when I hear that sound. To be young again.

It's just one of them days...

Meeow — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:08:46 GMT

I woke us this morning, not wanting to get out of bed. I took too long in the shower, and could not find any work pants. I ended up wearing the same ones I wore the day before; not so terrible, as they are still clean. I get to work, walk into the kitchen area, and drop my lunch of leftovers on the floor. The top pops off, and my food lands all over the tile. Ewww. No way am I scraping it back and eatin' it later. Gross. Now I have to go out and buy lunch. Great. This is noway helping me save money.

Doggy Update

Meeow — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:40:26 GMT

So, the vet called back yesterday about my little Cinder. She informed me that "all tests were normal". This means that there were no outside or "organic" causes to her seizure. Which means, it stemmed form her brain. Which I take it to mean it was an epileptic seizure. Crap. So basically, we are waiting to see if it happens again, then we can re-visit treatment options for her. The Vet is holding a prescription for Phenobarbital for a year so we don't have to go through that process if it happens again. Great. If it happens again, I have to make the choice of medicating my dog daily, or not medicating her at all and not let her be unsupervised, ever. I hate waiting games. My dad had epilepsy. He always forgot to take his pills, mostly because he was too drunk to remember. It didn't really matter anyway, because you aren't supposed to take them with alcohol; I guess that got in the way of his alcoholism, though. I am very familiar with what seizures look like, and the effect they can have on a human body/brain. I am pretty scared for my dog, I don't want to have to watch her do that ever again. So for now, we wait.

Epileptic Canine

Meeow — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 15:20:15 GMT

I think my dog enjoys freaking me out. Last night, she went into a seizure. Completely out of the blue. She had this happen to her a couple of times when she was a puppy, but nowhere near this scary or severe. My hubby was playing ball with her, and she was pretty tired, panting and all that. Then she started to get all stiff, and then do that weird lizard-on-the-hot-sand walk...Then she was walking all wobbly, and stiff at the same time. So he held her against his chest by the front door, trying to keep her calm. This is when I walked outside, and freaked out. At one point her muscles were so tense, she brought her head back against his chin that he had to hold her head down so she didn't break her neck. that was the point her eyes rolled back in her head. I thought she was a goner. My Dad was an epileptic alcoholic who forgot his medication. I grew up watching him perform grand mal seizures quite often. Needless to say, this happening to my dog brought back a lot of scary memories. I am taking her to the Vet today to get some blood tests done, see if it is anything external that may have caused it. I don't want to have to give her a pill everyday... Major traumatic events my dog has caused 1. Eating a large bag of M&M's a.result- cracked out crazy puppy with icky poo 2. Getting barbed wire caught on her leg a.result- giant hole in her skin 3. Running under the tires of a truck while in motion a.result- leg splayed open, stitches, bandages, limping dog 4. Seizures a. result- to be determined I can only imagine how many heart attacks I am going to have when I have kids.

The Pants

Meeow — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:11:54 GMT

Ah, I jsut bought another lovely pair of Melo's. I love these things. I bought the ones pictured above, but in black. As soon as I can get someone to take a pic of me in them, I will show you how wonderful the "amazing ass-pants" really are. I am sure i won't have much trouble finding a photographer..hehe Luckily, my hubby was in the store with me when I bought them, and he said he "doesn't care how much they cost, they are amazing". My obsession has now become his obsession. Yes! Oh, I got them form Five and Diamond, which is a fucking amazing store on Valencia in SF. I could blow my whole paycheck there.

Not a 3 day, not even close

Meeow — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 22:42:19 GMT

The weekend is finally here. Time to get less sleep than I do during the week, drink more than a normal person should, and attempt to get myself into multiple forms of trouble. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. Even more so if you have a 3 day weekend unlike me....Hotels do not observe holidays. damn.

Pizza and dessert wine, good friends, new spaces.

Meeow — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 15:27:56 GMT

Last night was a great evening. We did not have the traditional V-Day dinner and sex. "I hate to say this, but how can you expect to put a glass on the counter, and then out your ass up there, and NOT knock anything over?" Best quote from the evening. I love it! Thank you two for a great time! (you know who you are...chuckle)

I got a B!!!

Meeow — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 20:12:37 GMT

I went to class last night extremely nervous to see my grade and critique. This is the very first speech I have ever actually given, or put any thought into. Plus, I had to watch myself on video. Yikes! I didn't do too bad on the video. My voice was heard clearly throughout the entire thing, which I was very happy about. I tend to be quieter when I am nervous. I could see my face turn a brighter shade or crimson as the minutes ticked by. I think I made it to four minutes. I was impressed I made it that long. Apparently, the class thought I did really well; I disagree. "It's lovely you have so much energy so late in our 3 hour class". maybe my energy was the reason I couldn't keep my hands in one spot. they kept going back and forth between my pockets and each other....Very uncomfortable looking. I can be happy that I did not fail and the teacher did not say "This speech was horrible". I have another one due in a month...Wish me luck!

Today

Meeow — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 15:32:32 GMT

We should all take a step back form our busy, hectic lives and look at what is really important to us in all of our relationships. Today we should focus on the positive, forget any grudges or ill feelings towards someone. Think about the small things, the ones you appreciate. Make someone smile today, brighten their day. Make the most of this Valentine's Day. All my love..

Terrifying

Meeow — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:42:57 GMT

I gave my first real speech in class last night. I was so nervous and anxious. All I could think about was how much I would forget to say, or what I would say in the wrong order. I haven't watched the video of it yet (yes they videotaped it); I will let you know how terrible I look when I do. The entire class my heart was thumping loudly in my chest, and my face was as red as the frames of my glasses. I kept wanting to go up, but then i would hang back and let someone else get up in front of me. When I finally did go, I felt good. it wasn't as bad as I had imagined; although, I was still terrified to be standing up there in front of 30 people. They are a supportive bunch, though, so I didn't HAVE to imagine anyone in their underpants (not to say I didn't). All in all, I am glad I did it. I am proud of myself for going through with it and not coming up with an excuse to not go. Thanks to those of you who have offered support and kind words thus far, it is much needed and appreciated. I will need more of that as the semester progresses.

Jessie Evans & Toby Dammit with Extra Action Marching Band

Meeow — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 18:00:10 GMT

Saturday February 2, 2008 9:00pm 12 Galaxies 2565 Mission St San Francisco The Extra Action Marching Band is a collision of big band and ecstatic turmoil. Despite their name they rarely march, but rather shimmy, crawl, mob and charge. Trumpets pounce like eagles and tubas drip ass-bouncing blurps from fat fingers. Drums shudder under wild eyed and white knuckled drummers, and through it all winds the flag team; glittering and sinuous creatures who masterfully pulsate pom-poms in a hypnotic fantasy. The listener is hoodwinked, soaked, and savaged into giddy abandon. Powerful and empowering, the Extra Action Marching Band seduces the pre-civilized will. They are immediate and visceral - more of a sweaty invitation than a show. They are a parody of idioms with shattering volume - guerrilla theater with the rug rolled up. Extra Action has performed in back alleys and at the Hollywood Bowl, they have played Black Sabbath in a synagogue for dancing octogenarians - but the preferred venue is a small locked room with the heat turned up. As the sound boils into a spinning crossfire, sweat and flying hair tangle in a delicious knot. Audience and band submit together, to each other, to the whim and fancy, to satisfaction. Irresistible. (don't they sound delicious???)

Mildy humiliating

Meeow — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:50:10 GMT

Strangely, my heart began to pound harder as I sat back down in my chair. My face was quickly getting warmer, and I could feel my pulse everywhere. Normally, the nervous symptoms start to subside when you step down form the podium. I had my first Public Speaking 101 class last night. Let me tell you, I was really freaked out about it. I have a problem with speaking in front of people I don't know. I am uncomfortable and I feel like an idiot, like I don't know anything about anything. I have no confidence in myself when it comes to this. I am hoping that this course will help me with this little issue of mine. It was recommended to me by several people, so I decided to go for it. I felt a lot better about going last night after I heard from multiple friends of mine, that have had the same teacher, that she is amazing. I felt a little more comfortable knowing I wouldn't be bored or have to sit through some crazy womans class who didn't care about anyone there. I was up in front of about 30 people last night, twice. The first time, all I had to do was look at the class, introduce myself, and say how happy I was to be here. Then go back and sit down. You wouldn't believe how hard it was. The second thing we had to do was write our name on the board and tell the history, facts, or story of our name. I swear, at one point, I felt like I may have passed out up there. I got all fidgety, and had a hard time looking at anyone. I forgot almost all the things I wanted to say once I stood in front of the class. Go figure. Fully embarrassed, I sat back down in my chair, hunched my shoulders, and tried to smile. At least everyone clapped.