My Blog

So I survived Burning Man

Jason — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 07:08:56 GMT

You know earlier I wanted to write something witty with a deeper meaning, but now I am just ready to let my mind rumble. So I strike, but there is no target worth hitting. Is there ever? I think that is my greatest disappointment in life. All the things that comic books have prepared me for in life will never come. I am in a constant state of readiness, but will I receive my superpowers? Where is the tragedy that will give me my chance to become a superhero? Where is my nemesis that will make me reach new and fantastic heights? Where are the events that will release me from my chains of monotony and boredom. I have been considering the role of villainy, but am I prepared to be despised by everyone except of course for those that are like minded? I think I would have had more enthusiasm for the role had it not been for 9/11. Who the fuck wants to be a terrorist? Tourist maybe, but I would hate to be mistaken for a bible stomping anarchist Koran toting religious nut job who wants to take over the world. That whole thing just sounds confused. So ultimately I guess its just I have nothing more to say other than all I got to do is stay black and die. Things just never work out the way I plan.

Missing Pieces

Jason — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 23:42:01 GMT

I know that there is something in life that gives all of us that feeling of connectedness, that something that makes us whole and fulfilled. I know this, because for few fleeting moments in my life, everything was right with the world and I was there. This formless something which I am chasing now, if you could call it a chase. I don’t know where to look, what it looks like, or how to approach it. I liken this to a unicorn, just with the opposing problem. Everybody can describe a unicorn, but they have never seen it. Of course what is ailing me is just the opposite. Nobody can describe it, but everyone knows what it is. I know a lot of us are looking for it in relationships. And, yes few find it there, but what I usually encounter are people settling, because they have given up. They are tired of looking for it, the exact puzzle piece that would complete them. Instead they take the current piece and band-aid and have it cover the hole. I am not ready to settle. Naturally the other option is also being explored. I call it: There is a certain quality in quantity. I assume that the right piece will satisfy, complete and make me whole, but since I can’t find the right piece many pieces cycled through will give an approximation of being whole. One of my better friends is currently exploring this option. I don’t think that he is finding the piece that makes him whole, but he sure has a shit load off pieces come through his bed room. I say good luck hunting. Frustrating, depressing, turning me into one bitter old turkey, but thankfully we are not that close to thanks giving.

This moment is frozen

Jason — Fri, 01 Jul 2005 01:01:09 GMT

Wow here I am, I am significant. My life has meaning. I am somebody. I am special. Man I hope that is true, because this would be my first web log and I am not making any jokes about feces. Well maybe. Lately, I have been contemplating about how alone I truly am on this world. Most of my family, other than my sister, lives in Europe. I had a stupid argument with my best friend sometime in April and we still have not talked. All the rest of the people that I am surrounded by, I predominantly know from Jiu-Jitsu. I don’t think that people that you are buddy with through the sport you love can be considered friends. I don’t mean to belittle any of the people I train with, because they have helped me trough many tough times and just having access to them has improved my mood many times. Though, I am steadily realizing that my workout buddies are a band-aid for something that I am missing inside me. This, I think is one of those life lessons, not that they lessen or become easier, but the question is can I find it within me to be happy?