Home.Regrets

Why is it every so often, i look back and i wonder man why did i let this come to this? i should have held on to what i had, my celery green stone walls and my blue couch. the way my apartment smelled and collections of books. How i gave up my love for my pride, when i should have held on alot longer. i should have been stronger. ive had loves after but i sit sometimes and i wonder sometimes- what would my life been like if i held on and stayed? where would i be and would i still be happy? I look back and i think man, i didnt have it so rough...and man. how i miss those things that filled me and made me so happy. before it became all about parties,drinks and gatherings with false strangers. i would have had my tame life.

I think some times if Fate told me to leave and pulled me to the city. left me to be single, left me to meet others, left me to live as a student, left me to move home, left me to move again....and now back. with a new lover. where is this direction i am heading. how i want my own space again. a place to call my own. i want to go home but i do not have one anymore. mine was celery green walls with purple gray stone, with a kitten who's now 3, with a small garden on the side and a crappy job. it didn't matter it ---was---mine. I threw it away. for what??? i guess for some i can understand and see but sometimes...just sometimes i think that it was all in vain. I would have been happy with those things, that crappy job in that crappy house. i was happy there.

Yet here i sit a totally different person within the same shell. i still long for the same things but I am different. My life is completely different. sometimes fate takes us on this journey. i think ive traveled far and changed much. when can i find home again....i want so badly to go home.

I write this because i don't really wish for anyone to read it but i do. no one i actually know knows of this blog/profile thing. and i dunno i had to vent somewhere. so i throw this message off into the space of internet. to be lost somewhere.

will i- wont i

will update pics, will update blog, will join new tribes, will do this will do that......

Long Time No Type....

SO much has happened since i lost the internet,

Athena was given away and she found her way back to me,
i broke up with my fiance,
I quit my job
i moved to the city
i went back to school
currently jobless,
living on my friends couch(with athena)

But still good times ahead.

Athena

Shes a cutie! Tromping about my apt/ exploring and napping.

Cleaning House

So Yesterday i used all day to wash EVERYTHING, today i need to shampoo coutches and wash the walls with Hot water and soap, I might Sage the rooms too. But i cant find my feathers... oh well. the floors need to be done ut i need to buy a new mop.

I love how totally cleaning everything (even if its clean) makes you feel so much better. I cut a bunch of fresh flowers to put in my bedroom so we woke to the smell of wild flowers.

Dee Talk

So the party was a success i found beautiful kitten whom choose me. I was sitting cross legged at the fire. when i hear a 'mew' Then i look down to see a kitten tromp over to me paw at my shirt, climb up it and sit on my shoulder!! Was Laughing as Cat just sat there while i walked around. If i put her down shed fallow me. So I claimed her and in a week or so she will be coming home. We landed the name Athena. She even comes to it. Our parting started from 12 pm to 4 am. a group of people came and went. it was a nice environment and a good time.

I feel super bad b/c samson's date is tomorrow but i know its for the best, i know i am going to cry my eyes out. and trust me i will be sitting at home sipping coffee. currently looking for a rit for my boy. I have to bury him b/c our vet dosnt do cremation but i like the idea of him being returned to the world. at work i cried, felt like a dork really.

Tomorrows Line up: Wake,Dig,Prep,Sams Appointment,Sams Funeral,Stay at home.

With my chin held high

Dee.

Dee and the Delicious Coffee Binge

Last Night: was awesome BTW, I am sooo tired! yesterday was a bad day for anxiety attacks but i toughed it out to see my guy play. It was their 1st concert yet! and the boys were nervous, but they did wonderful! i didn't stumble into bed till well past 3 o' clock, up this morn at 8. so sipping out of the coffee cup like a lifeline.

Today's Line up: Coffee by the bucket load, Pick up Drinks, Set up Hot tub,Set The Helter Scelter, PARTY!

Unfortunately, i work tomorrow so if i think i am tired now... I am going to be slugging around tomorrow!

D's tired

Yesterday i did a blast from the past and met up with my friend Trevor, i haven't seen Trevor for so long! i guess hes a father now to a beautiful baby girl. That's so exciting, i cant believe how happy he is. I get to en-roll in school soon! i am so excited! finally i can finish and do it just for me. I guess that's the best cause is do it for me. But hey its a step. A friend of mine called me and told me that she got engaged to a new boyfriend, am sceptical but as the saying goes, 'you know, you know.' and if she wants that then all the power and love to her i guess. this Saturday we have the official birthday party going on, were having the hot tub, and a giant vat of beer, 4Th annual! I cant wait to relax with my friends, Ive been so tied up lately.Gah my eyes are getting so heavy, must drink up more coffee!

Tonight's line up: 3-11 work/My boyfriends show(Brand New Eyes) at Cherry bombs,Drinks, Coffee, Then Bed.

looks like another late nighter.
On a heavy/lighter note,

My boss whom i adore BTW,
was in a coma for a week and half, she woke up yesterday!
she had her 1st coffee today and her 1st real meal! i am so happy for that,
shes still a little quite but i cant wait to talk to her. at work i got a group together to channel our positive thoughts to her the night before i cant believe she woke up the day after! thank the gods. its the life lesson that even if it seems trivial, the things worth living for are in your reach.

Love
D.xoxox

BIRFDAY

Its now my 21st birthday.
I work today and i have nad no celebration really. I work too so thats a bummer. No cake eaither (BIGGGG POUT!) Eaither way i hope i will have an eventful year this is my time to shine im going to do lots with my life as far as changing goes. I think. eaither or I am ready to fo onward in my young years.

we just wanna have fun.....

So today i woke up at the wee hours of the morn(6am!!) and couldnt get back to bed. I proceeded to quietly yell at my PC for being a peice O crap and being soooo slow. I had a drs appointment early today anyways. This Is where i have that nagging opinion. so myself and a close friend Kat are in the Drs office waiting for my turn. talking about past Tattoo experiances and when we used to work in a tattoo parlor.
a chance we couldnt really resist , Kat and myself became that couple of people that talk just Sllligghtly Over a whisper. Really noticing the whole waiting roon was in on our conversation...Yeah like they had anything else to do. We proceeeded to get weird and weatch reactions of the bystandereds pretending not to listen but are holding back laughter so we all know they were.
So as we were, in the waiting room, a pale pink 10x19 Room we proceedeed to talk about how "Just one of these days I want to See a ham sandwich tattooed above someones ass crack(lower back)" Broccoli with a face its such a religious icon and spirtual meaning or if we tattoo another set of Chinese symbols to someone who dosnt know what they say they will end up with the Chinese symbols for "Fish Ball Soup" and beleave that it says 'Love' or 'Peace' Instead.' Its truely amazing how people work. how they try oh so hard to look polite and they whisper and talk about you but secretly Kat and i were not Just laughing at the Idea of a hamsandwich with a bouquet of Celery and broccoli sticking out of it with the chinese symbols for 'Fish Ball Soup' In a Lotus flower actually on someone. But at the fact people were so Rapped up in what we were Saying.
Later after laughing until our sides hurt, throats raspy from whispering and Butt hurting from waiting. we went on a mission.

Hair. I am conducting an experament on my hair. so wish me luck. yea i will hold out on you untill it is complete. but alas, hold a mental imag of tattoo genieus for me

D.