Dearest friends in dance. I have chosen to now use my given name for dance. I have given it much thought and although I still love the name Tasnim, it is not who I am.

My dance is now, more than ever an expression of who I am. I am not a Middle Eastern dance artist, Egyptian dancer, Turkish Dancer, Tribal dancer or Spanish Arabic dancer. I am an American of Hispanic descent dancing a fusion of all of the fore-mentioned forms n a contemporary world to traditional and contemporary music (taking a big breath here). I consider myself a Contemporary Bellydance Artist. I no longer wish to be put in a box, so I no longer need to hide behind a name that I have no real identity with. I am Luz. I always have been. I dance now under my name, Luz.

Now I won't feel so "Cybil" You can call me by the name my parents gave me lovingly at birth.

Peace (hopefully in our lifetime),
Luz

As we sit in our lives comfortable, we get a sense of security that perhaps the sins of our youth have passed us and that we have "gotten away" from our wrongs. I'm not talking murder, grand theft, etc. I am talking about the way we treat people. There is no place in your life that you can find comfort if there isn't amends. At some place there will be a place where you either see from the perspective of another the way you treated someone, or the way you have been treated. We feel victimized by someone, not knowing from where they have traveled. Perhaps they dealt with you, the way others have dealt with them. It was survival as they knew it.

How often have we heard the phrase "whatever goes around comes around"? Everyone thinks it means that evildoers will get there just rewards. Do we ever think of ourselves as such? Many times in various places in ours lives we do not see that we are being victimized, and definitely not that we are doing it to others. We are in the throws of survival and we excuse our actions as "I didn't know any better" or "I did the best I could at the time". Really we should say that "it was the best I could do at that time considering how selfish and insensitive to you I was at that moment in our lives". When we finally get to the place where we feel we truly are better people are do we go back and say to ones we've hurt "I'm sorry. That wasn't the best I could have done"?

We are more often than not, doing what is best for ourselves. Current friends and family may try to take away your regret by saying, you can't change the past: you can only do better now. That is true, but how often, really do we come to say to those we've wronged, "I'm sorry I treated you that way, I was an insensitive ass" when we finally see our error, many years later? Isn't it easier to convince ourselves that it's too late and that they should be over it by now? Why do we assume that everyone is so well adjusted?

Do we ever think that perhaps the way you broke a man's heart later affected his trust with other woman? Maybe a guy telling a woman "I think I'm falling in love with you" when really he should have more accurately said "I think I really want to screw you right now" somehow changed the way she trusts men or deals with them sexually? Maybe you said "I love you" or merely strung someone along, who truly cared about you, despite the fact that their feelings are not truly evenly reciprocated. You kept them around because you're tired of being alone, depressed or because you selfishly enjoy all the lavish attention they give you and convinced yourself you deserve it after all you've been through. Justified it by saying to yourself "I'm not asking them to give me anything." Do we ever think yelling at your kids at the top of your throat when you should have been yelling at your husband, or boss, or yourself, for your situation: may leave a lasting affect on the way they speak to their kids? Maybe trying to keep your kids in line by making them feel fear of you, makes them think that that is the way they can keep others in their lives in line. Maybe blowing off a pal after they have gotten married, got sick, had kids, or moved, because it would be more complicated to see each other made them feel abandoned, unloved, devalued. Maybe not going to your sister's (or brother’s or friend’s) house because you're mad at them for not repaying a loan (or ruining your car or telling you how they really feel about you, etc) affects your kids or their kids because they miss their auntie (uncle or friend)? Did you ever blow off a friend, mentor, teacher because they were successful at something that you didn’t have the discipline, money, energy or talent to do and convinced yourself that they got it like that because they were better-looking, better connected or just plain lucky? Have you ever left family, friends, mentors to dry in persuit of the "right people" to get somewhere in your career?

When do we ever say "I'm sorry; I am/was a jerk" and give others the opportunity to say "Yes, you are/were.?" Do we just hope it will go away, because everyone thinks you're wonderful now? Do we let our Alpha exterior crumble by admitting that we have been less than perfect? Does everyone wait until they are on their death beds or get a tumor to say I'm sorry? Do we wait till we are in a 12-step program and then skip out on treatment when they get to that step and try to fake sobriety without it?

To all or any of you, that I have hurt on my journey to this place were I am now, I say to you "I am heart fully sorry, I was/am a jerk". Please feel free to tell me I was. I am in a place in my life, where I can see, that I was not just a victim, but that I myself have been an enormous ass. If you have ever hurt me, I forgive you. I’m assuming that you are just not in an “enlightened” place and that perhaps some day or some lifetime, you’ll see it and learn that you too have to make amends or never be sober or at peace.

Dearest Friends in Dance, & the Arts. I am proud to announce the birth of my only son Fernando & his soul mate, Nina's first child, Pilot William. He was born February 8, 2008 at around 7:22pm. Pilot's weight was 7lbs 11 oz and measured 20.5inches long. Congratulations to them for the had work of Labor & bringing to the world such a beautiful boy. I can't wait to spoil him with too many kisses & hugs.

Never expect from others what YOU think is right, fair or what you yourself would do. You will go through life disappointed. Rather, enjoy life for its journey, be involved in each of its momments and see life for all it is, beautiful, hard, soft, invigorating, inviting and some cold . The only person you can control is you. Stay true to yourself despite how others treat you. Don't let advisaries embitter you. Learn the lesson taught by the hurt and see with new eyes. Remember not to be angry at the snake for swallowing the mouse. It is his nature. The bird eats the worm. The mouse still makes a warm bed for himself and has lovely life with his large family. The worm still weaves throughout the cool earth for veggetation to grow. Do not feel sorry for the mouse or the worm, they knew that this may occur, so they lived their life fullest, every day. Do not feel anger toward the snake or the bird, they need to eat, so that they too can live their life full.

(photo by Nick Arpino)