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The rare Evil Monkey is a mostly nocturnal creature who finds his habitat in the deepest wild parties of the Kootenays. Researchers agree that he is a master practitioner of Kuddle Sutra, a fact that has led to numerous desperate attempts by highly trained experts to further study his mating habits.

The Evil Monkey smells like a pineapple-banana split, and can be identified by rippling abdominal musculature. As a highly evolved primate, he uses tools to create repetitive bass and percussive sounds which are believed to attract females over vast distances, thus ensuring the progeny of his desireable genetic code.

It is believed that the Evil Monkey was originally introduced to the area by activists who liberated him from a laboratory on the Coast where he had been the victim of animal testing involving experimental pharmaceuticals.

Don't miss the upcoming CBC documentary: "Evil Monkey: A Mindbending Journey into the Canadian Wild" (soundtrack by Tool in stores now).