Female

40

...I am a multifacetted human being .....I have been so many me this short span of life Ive been on earth...the me nursing of my mother(thanks mum) ...me lying in the grass ..I remember not being able to move not even turn my body over but content smelling the tall grass, insects humming, the sky so very very blue and mothers laughter. I must have been so little yet I might never have felt so expancive ever since ... ... I am 5 years old magic one with nature exploring communicating being. I am 7 just learning to read and worlds open up and I am absorbed I am someone else fliyng on the magic carpet ...riding the horse faster than the wind... I dream dreams that teach me about all there is and all there can be. I am a teenager and I am so allknowing and confident and the world is mine to revel in and it is here to satisfy my needs ... I travel I get stuck I run I stumble I fly high and fall low and miraculesly the path continues on and on and I am still here ow.
Having nursed my children I am experiencing their beginning of this miraculess intense scary incredible journey. I have friends and famely and some are not present and others I have yet to meet. I have fallen in love and out of love .
Im in control and then not at all. I have triumfed and given birth and I am traumatised and wonder if Ill ever get over it . I am giving and I recieving ..and I wish to share ( all the love and beauty and also pain and confusion) and only I myself is holding me back. Every moment I experience this or that . I am happy , I am content, I am scared , I am sad , confused ....I love ...I feel ..I think ,ponder and wonder and I am In Wonder. ....and years have pased and experiences dreams thughts are remembered and I think I have learned a litle on the Way . Of love and loss, of being happy, in joy , still and brave and fearless and in complete shock denial, confusion, angst and fear and ... choise ...not ot forget ...choise..... and I have dared to face "it " and not to mention me, sometimes straight up others little by little, and experience it and let me be. Just experience and let it be. I have aspirations and visions and glimpses of potentials of me yet to come ...and I am here in the now seemingly so far from perfection .
Yet all this comes no where near to tell who I am ....
There is this part of me though that is seemingly here always with this Pernille (as she knows herself by)...knows her so well and always observes and ...just is there. Present ... Is that me? Can it really be ?? ..that this, This is I , this Loving Caring Compasionate Allknowing Infinite Being ...ultimately Beautifull and always reassuring so incredinly Loving. . I believe it ..and I believe it is you to... and everyone and every thing around us. Always there.
Yet I am so merly human and I tend to forget (every day I confess)...I am attatched, I am stressed , I want , I am to busy , I am tired ...... I am AFRAID and often I believe I am something else ... a lone human being alongside other humans and creatures and elements fighting seemingly against all od sfor survival.
I am blessed though for always I have had this inherent sense of Knowing that there is more ...just knowing ...no need to prove I just know ..and it manifests as hope when I thought I had none, as prayers knowing they will be heard , of trust when it looks bleak... of knowing this to will pass, of exploring tecniques that will fill me when I feel empty or maybee more true empty me when I am to full ( meditation art dancing nature yoga seeking out loved ones) of wondereing what is my lesson now... and of remembering that there always is choise...and again and again I experience it ...I am not alone, it is not hopeless and I am supplied for. I am Loved . I am Love. I am on an infinite journey unfolding and revealing that.