that's how I feel about now.

I'm here waiting for others. Or are others waiting for me? I get tired of being the one to initialize, to persue, to be alone in the expending of energy just to get nowhere.

we used to sit around for hours playing video games and watching movies, making jokes like it was mst3k. go bowling, pool. we were all so close. now everyone is busy. too busy for me anyway. I have my wife, her love. I have nothing to fill in the empty spaces though. No feeling of being needed, just a great feeling of need.

two weeks ago I was in an accident on 64. a puddle caused my formula firebird to hydroplane and when all was said and done I was facing east in the westbound lane. a tire sat some 30 feet in front of me and I thought the hatch had come off and ended up in traffic. holding my wife's hand I looked around to get a clearer view of the situation.
it was my tire in front of me. the hatch hadn't come off, it shattered, showering us with small glass shards. I tried to cry but no tears came. we were alright. but the reality that thousands of dollars and so many hours of hard work were now just a heap of metal on the side of the highway. I tell my wife that I'm ok. it could have been worse. it also could have never happened.