Tawney writes funny predictions. I think she's psycho. Um... I meant PSYCHIC. Hehe.

The year was 1974. It was a cold day in hell and a ragtag group of soldiers set out to conquer the world. Nothing could stop them; especially not grass huts that caught on fire just by looking at them or the children who resided inside. At the helm of this group was the one and only Captain Robert Johnson. He was a no nonsense captain with a heart of gold and a twisted desire to watch little village children run screaming from burning huts, as well as killing anyone who looked at him funny. Needless to say “Crosshairs”, as his friends in boot camp called him, a cross-eyed gunner, only lasted five minutes, but that is a different story for a different time.
Capt. J, as his troops called him, stopped in the rice field to answer nature’s call, when all of the sudden VC sprung from the shallow waters. The field ran red that day as Capt. J laid face first with his manhood detached and in his hand. My friends I would like to tell you he died and never felt anything, but I would be lying... do I look like a liar? I did not think so…
A biochemist, “Test tube”, in the group had been reading up on cryogenics and decided they should freeze the comatose captain to slow down the bleeding and preserve his manhood thinking they could re-attach “the one-eyed snake” when he got back to the states... Unfortunately, the troop never made it out of the shit after a night of killing babies and torching huts one of the survivors from the village put a curse on them, which left them lifeless in the morning. The only one left alive was Captain Johnson frozen in a block of ice in some under ground bunker… For ten years he sat in his icy crypt, until one day when a young girl playing in the rice fields stumbled upon the underground bunker and the frozen captain. Not knowing what to do she ran to get her father, who was also “head of the village”, which he was named after beating another local man in a monkey knife fight. The man recognized the captain and was in shock. 10 years prior they had met for he was the one who shot off the captains “pleasure sword.”
They pulled the captain out of the freezer and let him thaw out… his manhood was unsalvageable and the area where it once rested was riddled with freezer burned. The captain was never the same after that. The captain returned to the states after killing both the little girl and man you took his “lady charmer” and began therapy… You might be asking yourself, ‘what the hell this has to do with Diezy?’ lets just say after a couple of drinks she forgets about her operation and will answer to Captain J…. true story.

Gosh, I got THE WARNING from Mr. Tribe.com about accepting responsibility for what you write about someone. So I choose my words wisely: prescription drugs and advise, smarty-pants, horn helmet, labret and full (fuckin SEXY) lips, deep voice (birds of a feather!), and wait...did I say smarty-pants? Hooray for Tawney!

Oh rose, thou art sick. But yer Gnomes are pretty hot!