hate can be your teacher.  anger can be your guide.  see your anger for what it is, and you can see yourself for what you are.

sitting here going through my portfolio, bringing it up to date (it is seriously behind), i come across my certificate for network administration i got back in 1996.  it got me thinking about all the things i have studied (either formally or taken it upon myself) over the years or am still trying to learn.  the list goes a little something like philosophy, psychology, business law, computer science, network administration, recoding technology, film production, drugs (in it's many forms), music, construction, accounting, sexuality, physics, art, photography, chemistry, cooking/baking, german, and the list goes on.  there are still more things to learn.  more to learn about things i already know and still new interest i haven't been able to get to yet.  i find myself reminded of a quote from one of my favorite books, "all knowledge is worth having."  

boxes and boxes in the mail.

for christmas my uncle got me a gift card for amazon which i finally got around to using last week.  i ordered some books that i have been meaning to get for some time but just never thought about picking them up whenever i am in a bookstore.  plus, i ordered the four-disc collector's edition of blade runner.  i have been wanting the original cut of the movie, the one with the voice-over, for some time and was very excited to hear that it was going to be included in it.  



also, something else.  let me begin with a little story.  a few years ago i passed out at a friends house in the south bay one night only to find when i got up the next day that my truck had been broken into and about 300 of my cd's had been stolen.  most of which could be replaced, albeit with some special orders and extensive bin diving/searching.  the ones that upset me the most; however, were the hundred or so cd's of local artist that i had accumulated over the years from the club scene and friends bands.  there was pretty much no way of getting most of these again.  about a month ago, while going through myspace, i came across the page for 187 calm.  they were one of those local bands from "back in the day" that were one of my favorites and had proven impossible to find again.  on the page was made mention of people asking where to get their old cd's but no answer to this question.  on a whim i decided to send him (the page seems to be run by the old singer) a message seeing if he might know how i could get copies of the old cd's, explaining that mine were stolen out of my truck.  i got back a reply almost immediately asking for my address and if i had a turntable as well.  info exchanged.  today i get in the mail, not only the bands cd's but a 45 and a copy of his current bands cd along with a note apologizing for how long he took to get the cd's to me and that there might be a one-night reunion show for the band this summer.    i just thought this was very cool of him.  he didn't have to bother with any of this and he certainly didn't have to send me the cd's for free but i am very glad he did.

burning man has been on my mind a lot lately (and more recently my body).  at this point i am 95% sure i am going this year.  the only real hurdle is finances but unless things go horribly wrong in the next six months, that should not be a problem.  i realize that there are a few factors in my renewed enthusiasm for the playa.  running around with maria had a lot to do with it.  aside from getting to know her there, it was also great to see everything through virgin eyes to remind me how unique the experience is.  plus, one of my closest friends wants to go this year for her first time and i want to be there to see her on the playa.  or course we are always hoping that this year will be the year that bryan will be allowed to go back.  last year, a couple of people asked be if i wanted to organize any kind of camp and i knew that was the last thing i wanted to do.  but this year, i am not so sure.  i am in a very different place than i was back in '05 and think that i might be better equipped to handle it.  much was learned from that experience and i think that i could avoid many of the mistakes that were made.  of course this has much to do on seeing if anyone i know would be interested in a group camp and if they want to put up with me.  but i find that i already have some ideas starting to float around in my head and need to start seriously thinking about the burn if i want to accomplish anything this year. 

disintegration is the best album ever!