read this and let me know.. ya?

infatuation


broken promises are tears in the ocean

it happens all to often that people let themselves down

they say you cant love someone else until you know how to really love yourself

but so very few of us do

we say we love

but how do we know what love is

what if that little lump you get in your throat when that person walks into the room is really fear

what if those butterflies in your stomach when you kiss is really pain

what if the goosebumps you get with every touch are really cuz your scared

then i guess youd really know love...

that little lump in your throat telling you that eventually their gunna walk out of the room without you

those butterlies are telling you to be prepaired for the pain when those kisses are no longer there

the little goosebumps remind you just how scared you really are of the day you will never feel that touch agian.....

love should not be represented in such things as hearts and smiles but tears and daggers

it all has to end eventually..

just as abruptly as it began....

Beauty (Sept. of 05)

What is beauty but a judge of the skin. It is said to be the quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality. But this is pretty well the opposite of today’s general views. Instead of looking for originality in someone or something we, as humans, tend to look for those things that are familiar to us. Whether it be a certain shape, color, size or texture we go for what is known. And yet we still think of it as beauty. To categorize someone as beautiful is in fact taking their beauty away from them in a way. By giving them a name they have been stripped of their originality, of their excellence. Though some things can be said to be beautiful which are repulsive to others is completely remarkable as we know it. To have a completely unbiased opinion of someone or something is not known in this day. Every man and woman’s opinion of what is truthful, what is real, what is deathly, and what is beautiful is somehow affected by another. So I ask; what is beauty and how do you know that it is real?

~flaws~ (written oct of 05)

then others...but they can all be fixed if they are given will and effort.
my flaw.. my major one anyways... is silence. my entire life i have been silent. mabey not physically but emotionally and spiritually i have been completely silent. my flaw is hard to fix but i am working on it. and i have been blessed with a wondeful man that helps me... even though he doesnt know it most of the time.. he helps me find what i need to say. helps me break out of my shell.
if there is one thing that i know how to do in this life its help people. especially those that i love. and those that need my help. i am always here. always. i can find remadies to seemingly impossiable situations. and i can cheer up the biggest of grumpy pants. so this is nothing. there is nothing to be worried about. nothing at all. i give all of my support and all of my love to those who need it most. expecting nothing but well being in return.
each passing day brings more attention to another flaw. a wrinkle in the glass that noone has wanted to see before. but we cant hide these wrinkles. we have to be proud of them. we must be glad that they are our own flaws. they are what make us stronger and wiser.

A Citizen of Earth (written jan of 06)

after taking part and observing a debate/ conversation in a group here on myspace it has been brought more to my attention that america, though it is good usually, is serotyped more then probably any other country. sure it is thought by many that people from other countrys are lesser then those of us from the states but they are greatly wrong. we are judged for our own bad judgement. here in america we have this thing called freedom of speech. and it is very much so taken for granted. if/when someone is sharing their views and opinions of the world we tend to, rather then excep it as just an opinion, become defensive. yes it is hman nature too be prejudgemental and to think that ones views are right. but they are just that. they are views. although there are beyond millions of people on this planet we sector ourselves into countrys just because of the distance and difference in costoms. however we are all here together just a tiney pebble in a huge sea. this is what noone seems to understand. though they may pretend to they do not. noone does. we are all self-absorbed human beings. but there are few people on this planet that really charish the fact that they can be self-absorbed.no matter what one believes in, wether it be christianity, buddhism, judism, scientology, or anything of the sort. this 'belief' is what make us just a little accepting of fellow humans. every person on this earth is not of a contry but of a world. and it is needed to be viewed that way. america can not and should not play the "God" role any more then any other country. we should all take into account what it would possiably be like if another country had the power to do what americans do. invade destroy and conqure what ever and where ever they THINK it is needed.would we all be so jugemental? would we as humans be different? next time you think of war of judging some one or something based on something you have no proof of remember that you are a citizen of earth before you ae a citizen of america.

tears (written feb of 06)

you call me ignorant, stupid, and untrustworthy. Unrespectful, unintelligent, pratically worthless. You can call me every name in the book and whatever you need to make up. but to threaten me with the one i love it going to far.

i cry not from sadness but from rage. i cry not because of hurt but because of fear. the drunken and sober have meshed into one druged out queen. undecisave by any means.

i may fail and i may lose. but as long as im happy that should be good enough for you. dont take my feelings and twist them around. telling me what youll do if i dont make you happy.

for being a mother and "caring" so much you dont seem to care at all.

hobo

extensions of ourselfs get twisted in the wind. abused and used. fucked over and over.
waiting to see what comes out. the decisions made right now change to much before you even find the consiquences.
moving at the speed of light. forgetting the things that matter. if. wish. maybe. forget it.
the end of my world is so distant yet so visable.
adding them to the flesh. making the symptoms worsen every second.

just one healthy day is all i dream of.
i guess that will come with the light.