Stories

Out Here

Leah — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 09:16:16 GMT

She's got sores all over body twitches and jerks vibrating through every step. She is a walking nightmare and has the deep throated laugh of a woman who has seen too much and is stronger than the roots of cedar trees. His eyes are always shifty. He gets mad and barks at us that there are too many fucking rules in this place!!! When he's calmed down he comes over to apologize and tells us that his dad has just died and he's not allowed at the funeral and so he's kinda pissed off at the world right now. I would be too. They are the ones we walk by everyday on the street, the huddled shadows in alleyways and parks, counting out everything in their backpacks over and over until it's like some wierd sketchy mantra in their heads. I'm not going to tell you that working with the homeless and drug and alcohol addicted community of Victoria is one of the most inspiring jobs of my life. I'm not going to paint you a rosy, hopeful picture of what goes on inside a shelter. A lot of it is fucked up beyond imagining. Some days I can't handle it. Some days I can. Some days I just feel thankful that I get to have a real conversation with a crack addict and get paid for it instead of making some anonymous stranger their latte. Sometimes I like being anonymous and just watching quietly behind the scenes where I do my best to not get attached and not feel shocked when I come to work and find yet another poster for a member of their community found dead posted on the front door. Detachment I'm learning is a survival tool here. So is love and compassion. So is hardness tough as nails. So is listening. Everyday I wonder what the hell I'm doing here. And everyday something happens to remind me and for those moments I am ever grateful. And at the end of a 12 hour shift my bed never felt so good.

Healing

Leah — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:15:12 GMT

walking down to the water I take off these clothes and walk in...

Psy-Crises

Leah — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:14:02 GMT

Hello tribies... I am putting the word out that I'm searching for a crew of people who want to work psy crises at the upcoming Temple of Dance on May 17th. We need grounded people who can hold down space well and act as support for those in need. If you feel called to this line of work please get in touch with me. All participants must partake in a psy crises workshop, the next one is being held on the 27th of April by Warren in Esquimalt. If you're interested please get a hold of me SOON! love to you all. here's to creating more safe cosy spaces for us all at our gatherings!

poetic indulgance

Leah — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 19:13:49 GMT

It's been a long time searching from the tops of trees, looking out across a vast land, eyes squint and sharpened for any movement on the horizon. I'm ready to come down now, to let my feet touch the cold earth, feel each rock and root and not move away from the pain. I'm ready to lie down in the tall field of grass and turn my breath into slow steady wheels that push me deeper into this place where the layers can finally unlatch from their tight corsetted smiles and the bones can be seen.

dreamtime

Leah — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 19:18:48 GMT

The dreams come in waves gentle but with a force that carries me through my days that are also strange and have their own dreamlike qualities, I hold each one up to the sun like a beach stone turn it in my hands feel it's weight. Last night I dreamt the moon was guiding me, taking me back to places forgotten hidden under a rotting forest the smell of decay and life rising everywhere, the place on the wheel where the spokes groan, shift and move away....

hibernation

Leah — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 20:26:23 GMT

Rumi

Leah — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 05:05:57 GMT

Listen to the story told by the reed of being separated. Since I was cut from the reed bed I have made this crying sound. Anyone separated from someone he loves understands what I say. Anyone pulled from a source longs to go back At any gathering I am there, mingling in the laughing and the grieving, a friend to each. But few will hear the secrets hidden within the notes. No ears for that. Body flowing out of Spirit. Spirit flowing from body. No concealing that mixing, But it's not given us to see the soul. The reed flute is fire, not wind. Be that empty. Hear the love-fire tangled in the notes as bewilderment melts into wine. This reed is a friend to all who want the fabric torn and drawn away. The reed is hurt and salve combining. Intimacy and longing for intimacy, one song. A disasterous surrender and a fine love, together. ---Rumi---

Sexual Healing vs Dangerous Territory

Leah — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 04:10:29 GMT

So I'm curious. What do you think about the concept of being a sexual healer? A friend of mine is thinking of becoming a sexual healer/bodyworker and charging $150-$200 a session. I have mixed feelings on the matter and was curious what others thought. My initial feeling is great! awesome! do it! but then of course come the doubts and fears about personal safety, reputation in small circles and people abusing the service to 'get off'. I think there's a fine line drawn between prostitution and sexual healing. Has anyone out there ever had any experience with professional sexual healers or know of anyone who has? I'd love to know more. curious.

New Digits

Leah — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 19:48:17 GMT

This woman is wondering if she should get a cel phone.... Of course she should! How can she live without one?! My new number is 661.1408 feel free to call me

winter seeds

Leah — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 20:30:06 GMT

something about finding peace in solitude and remembering what got lost along the way...

November

Leah — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 03:55:09 GMT

I feel this season turning and shifting, the earth is groaning her release as leaves and rain fall in unison like entangled lovers. In the morning I find them lying all over the streets, unabashedly naked and spent from their wild night, still slick and wet and shining like creatures half emerged from the sea.

Big Ups

Leah — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 20:13:23 GMT

to Hendrick and Jay for bringing us Gaudi last thursday. I haven't danced that hard and had that much fun since...I don't even know anymore! It was a really incredible experience to be dancing in the same spot that I danced when i was a little girl with my parents to the African and reggae bands that used to play in market square. full circle bliss. What an amazing man with such a presence. Let's hope he comes back soon!

Do you love Oriah?

Leah — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 04:58:01 GMT

Then come over to my house tomorrow @ 6ish and come celebrate her birth with us! Bring anything you'd like to share and an appetite for cake. We'll be heading down to Gaudi later on in the eve so bring your dancing feet too!

Happy Full Moon Lovelies

Leah — Sun, 01 Jul 2007 05:30:46 GMT

This man saved my life at Entheos!

Leah — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 03:29:05 GMT

all i can say is...thank god for espresso at four day long outdoor trance festivals!!

last night you rocked my world....

Leah — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 19:46:47 GMT

thanks for the sweet dancing times at Solstice last night. so amazing and inspiring to watch Oriah, Jeremy, Brooke and Dom weave new sound magic through their fingers. dancing is such good medicine for this woman. deepest respects for bringing it up from the source to the crown. mm hmmm.......purrrrrrrr

looking for work?

Leah — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 18:42:25 GMT

Is anyone out there interested in doing some subbing work at the Fernwood Community Center daycare? It's a really awesome place. Super down to earth, community minded and fun if you enjoy small children. I've been subbing for the daycare since January, so basically I fill in for anyone who is sick or just can't come into work. It's irregular work but it's always up to you if you want to take it or not which offers a good deal of flexibility and it pays $12/hr which isn't too bad. You also need to have a criminal record check. I'm getting bumped up to full time for the summer so we really need some new energetic, creative, patient, loving, good humoured, solid people to come and be subs. it could be you! if you're interested please get in touch with me via tribe and I'll do my best to get you in the door.

Rebirth

Leah — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 05:27:06 GMT

from darkness comes light but first the darkness... the mouth of the cave is always the worst as you look in knowing you need to step through, leave behind everything you know that tethers you to safety and then you do and everything is silent, a roaring defeaning absolute silence that fills you like fear but goes deeper to places left untouched thus far.... places that have been waiting for so long to be uncovered, like damp petals you pull them back one by one, inhale deeply as each falls away, the fragrance of memories rushing forth, pouring into the cave and all that darkness, intoxicating and dangerous it engulfs you singing sweetly like a lover with a swift undercurrent that can easily pull you down trapped in the undertow... to young the understand at four the difference between love and pain, the language of boundaries had not yet formed, only to be understood years later under similar circumstances. there are voices now speaking to you, through you all around they overlap one on top of the other, impossible to make them out anymore and you know that if you dont' shut them out madness will soon follow. so many ways to get lost in here. because it's dark and you're alone but there's only room for one in the cave and that's the way it has to be for whatever reason i don't know, i dont' make the rules just play by them time and time again until i get it right. until clarity comes back like the first blue threads of dawn pulling you from sleep into a new day a new light. you can feel the edges of it now, close and comforting. soft music playing somewhere in a distant part of the cave as you fall asleep, lulled into a cocoon of trust and release. sleep now dear one, for dawn draws near.

money talks

Leah — Tue, 08 May 2007 00:16:41 GMT

I am learning to let go right now. these past few months have been some of the most wonderous but also the most challenging in some ways. in few words: being broke ass sucks ass!! getting caught up in the stress whirl pool of fear and doubt and worry is even worse. yesterday was the turning point. i turned down a job that would have made me more money than i'm making now presenting stability and a financial boom in my account. more freedom, less fear of how to pay bills, food AND save some. but....it wouldn't have made me happy, in fact i would have been trapped into a one year contract and most likely would have backed out and felt terrible and used. i said no. it was the most empowering thing i've done for myself in ages. it felt good and i feel a new sense of peace, acceptance and hope for the future that something new and exciting is looming on the horizon. something i can feel free to be myself that brings me to my higher potential that pays well and allows me to go travelling down to brazil this winter or the next. so listen up money goddess Abundantia! i'm healing my relationship with money right now. i'm allowing it to flow smoothly into my life. i am open to success and happiness and rich abundance. i view money as a tool, a stepping stone to help me achieve some of the things i want to do in this lifetime. money is my friend. a ho!

the brink of something new

Leah — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 19:53:24 GMT

I feel it coming. like a low wind rising in the night, like these petals falling away to reveal the green beneath. a season is churning within me, waiting to shed the old and step into new growth. change rising up like a slow steady spiral from deep within. time to let go of comfort and security. time to say goodbye to this place i call home, these people i call tribe, this life i've worn as my skin and cloak. change is brewing on the air. i can feel it whispering in my ear, beckoning me to places unknown, to fears unfaced, to the steady rhythm of silence i've been craving through the streetlights and sirens. the constant buzz of electricity that hovers over my house. time to start looking deeper into the future, into what it is i've been grappling for. time for sacrifices and challenges, and letting go of all i hold familiar and safe for something to come back to. something solid and powerful. somewhere to start new beginnings from where dreams can solidify into reality, where power can be claimed, where i begin to finally let go of the things that no longer serve me. where the stride of certainty and focus becomes the new path i am carving out. may we all find what we are truly looking for. may we all allow ourselves the courage to let go and go deeper into our higher selves.

letting go

Leah — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 21:12:54 GMT

this grey march morning is as cool and smooth as a beach stone rounded by the sea. calm as the sky flickering on the horizon after a storm, the last breath of light exhaled before dissolving into night. you have driven me back to the steady chore of writing again little one. your presence is larger than anything ever felt before as you nudge me towards my own soft core of gentleness, where the sharp edges of ego smooth away, rounded by something new and strange. i wrap you away in the cocoon of my belly. sing small songs of forgiveness. we are forgiving each other right now from things too big for either one of us to grasp onto yet. i'm sending you back to the land of stars, to milky white lotuses that will cup you in the steady rhythm of darkness. there you will wait for me learning your own songs, finding my voice once again tied by a cord to yours.

Ode to Shayne

Leah — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 01:42:44 GMT

I started writing this as a private message to my friend Shayne who many of you know and love as a goodbye note as he is leaving for his travels out east today. I feel like sharing it with tribe. Dear Wandering Weirdo... may your intentions for this journey be clear and strong and lead you to the places you need to be and to the people with the kindest spirits. may you see many wonderous things and hear many beautiful songs. may you have drunken nights wandering around the glamourous streets of montreal, stopping only to write short poems about spring and piss in alleys. may your rides be long when you need them to be with interesting and open people who are generous with their time and hearts. may many a free meal come your way as well as a hearty bottle of beer, a warm cup of coffee on those dreary rainy days. and donuts! may there be many (maybe not too many...) hot fresh french donuts!!!! and i hope that the bond you create with your travelling partners will deepen in strength and love and the sort of insight that can only be shared by the few who take to the road together. bring us back some great road tales and don't forget to write! love many

there are days

Leah — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 09:00:11 GMT

i am learning that some days are just days. days when the coffee gets cold too fast and sits there in a murky layer of cream. days when the sound of life mimics the slow melodic dripping sound of your taps your landlord refuses to fix. days where the smears on the kitchen windowpane make the day look dingier that it really is. when getting out of bed feels like tearing off a layer of your own skin. drip....drip......drip...... there are days when i feel like i could move worlds, and days when i stop caring what people think of me when i eat fast food, when i watch a stupid 80's flick instead of a documentary on political warfare. days when i smoke pot, eat chocolate pudding and stare at the liquid light projector that casts reflections on the wall. days when two years olds make more sense than anyone and night silence is the only thing i can safely rest my body against. days when i admit to myself that i don't really know what the word 'galatic' means even though i see it passed around more often than cigarettes these days. there are days and there are days and sometimes all this waiting for something to happen, for that final peek under the surface of things for the final wave i've been aching for to come crashing down and through me, for release and understanding, for diamond clarity, for the bass to drop in sending me spiralling outwards and inwards at once.... sometimes there is a slither of understanding that these fragments of moments, these pieces of love and hilarity, growth and pain, segments of solitude, explosions of connection, this cup of coffee and that cherry tree which is about to burst into the flames of Spring at any moment, this is it man!! and i say fuck yeah!!

what remains

Leah — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 18:46:31 GMT

early morning rain mutes the world into a soft oil painting. gauze of mist slipping between mountain cracks pools into the valley and clings to the moist air, the long grasses bent over in silence. It rained all night last night and I listened... with the sleeplessnes that can come when you find yourself back at home, grappling with old memories like mysterious dark fish that lurk at the bottom of the river, brushing my thighs with their thick whiskers. Why is it so hard to let go I ask the rain? She doesn't answer but keeps soothing the field in calm white mist. bending the grasses over tenderly blade by blade.

Magic Creatures

Leah — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 02:49:49 GMT

they are so small and delicate yet fierce as weather systems that blow in from nowhere and re-transform your world. they have a million questions and they know everything at the same time. they are energy whirlwinds of laughter. their tears scrape at me like small wounds. they have very sharp elvin eyes and ears that take in everything around them. they can make a game out of anything using the power of their imaginations. they are truth and light and magic and often not given enough credit for who they are. they are time and time again talked down to or spoken to in 'child code' by dull adults. they have no qualms about speaking their truth and they can see through and into you like no one else can. working in a daycare with a gaggle of two year olds for the past two months has been the most challenging and inspiring job I've ever come across thus far. I have so much respect for all you mothers and fathers out there who do it everyday.