When things go very well for me, I am brimming over with joy ...when things seem awful, my world is colored dark. Equanimity is lost to me during the stronger, more emotional times in my life. It is hard to contain my giddiness, and next to impossible to subdue those lovely, gooey dark thoughts....unthinkable to relax through the irritations that life brings.

Living in between the extremes is hard for me. It may not show, but my inner life runs deep...it MAY however show to those that I allow into my inner circle so to speak, the ones I can really trust and the ones that I know have my back no matter what, they can read me better than my own mother.

I am thankful to have so many true friends in my life, I am even happy that there are a few that DON'T have my best interests in mind, they are the ones that help me build my strength.

I am thankful to be so strong, to feel so vibrant and radiant, even when I am cycling through the tougher times. The shadow is what feeds me, by 'shadow' I mean the hard things either in my external life, or the traits in myself that I have a hard time accepting. Those unspeakable, unacceptable thoughts and ways of being. My power lies there.

I am thankful that everything in my sphere is coming together to be the most perfect of all time perfectness, and I don't mean that I always LIKE it, it is just that I trust the divine order to the world (and in my life)

I am also thankful for the things that ARE working out the way I want things to, that is also happening. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes when I think of how wonderful life can be.

No, I am not chasing any white rabbits, drinking any strange potions, I am not even tired right now. I just felt like jotting these things down.



The other day I was told by one of my clients that when she was around me, she felt relaxed and happy. I asked her why...she told me it was the cadence of my voice, the gentleness of my touch and the way I never made her feel rushed, she told me that my calmness rubbed off on her, I laughed to myself because the other day when I was in an irritable mood and jangly & tweeking from too much coffee I was told the opposite thing, a friend told me that he couldn't breath calmly around me, that his breath caught in his chest and he wanted to be away from me when I was in that mood around him, I laughed out loud thinking about what my client said.

I take none of it to heart, and I take ALL of it to heart. I am also thankful that I HAVE a heart, that I am as complex as the microorganisms in the sea, and as simple as undertow.

I am thankful that I REALIZE people have freedom of choice, no one person owns another and though control can be wielded for a time, free spirits eventually liberate themselves.

I have empathy (sometimes too much) I understand, I do not wish hard times on others, even when I am bitter about my own life (which I am not at the time)

I am as thankful for these things as I am for the shelter, water, clothing, family, etc...the usual things.

That is all.