We've had such a tumultuous few days here - and when i read the news of Dr Hofmann's demise yesterday, I couldn't help seeing the dark edges around ** why ** he may have left us now ...!! But - tempting though it is to be so self-indulgent, and to see some sort of celestial design in this - I won't dwell on that. I will, instead, simply remember this man for his incredible mind, indomitable spirit, and fantastic heart....

I admire him above all because he was never deterred by the negative forces that attacked him; and because he persisted in his mission even as he saw the people across the globe who abused his fantastic compound. He saw them, but he recognized that humans will always abuse beautiful things - - somehow, it's the way we are wired, animals that we are....

I'm a scientist (epidemiologist by training), and I left research 5 years ago because I could no longer take the egos and politics. I admire this man for NOT leaving. He stayed strong, remained loving, and was eternally non-judgmental. I'm really going to look toward him in the next months, as I try to find some way to bring the horrible events that have recently befallen me and my husband to some greater good.

I've seen others writing about how wonderful it is that Dr. Hofmann's foundation managed to secure legal research trials for LSD in Switzerland prior to his demise. We should all look to our own leaders in that field here - the Drug Policy Alliance and their partners in the US. We need drug research in this country. Despite the overwhelming influence of the pharma industry on our political system, I do see that it may be possible in my lifetime to see drugs like LSD researched, and - dare I say it - decriminalized. These are substances that have vast potential for therapy - even within the confines of corporate pharma!! But decriminalization will only come to pass if we, the believers, take very careful, measured approaches to policy activism and change.

After my experience over the weekend - I see that the US underground is dying because of the culture of fear that our younger generation has been raised in. If I had come of age post 9/11 - maybe I, too, would not understand that human touch is more important than the internet; that brown people are not to be feared; and that respect is primal in all relationships. I'm trying to feel charity for the younger generation now... and I'm also trying to come back to the 'mainstream', where I used to spend more of my time. I had great professors, and great activists around me in my younger years. There was a time when changing the system was our goal - not escaping the system.

I will be trying to go back to that feeling in the next months.... and as I do so, I'll remember Dr. Hofmann.