My Blog

Outta touch

*Medea* — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 01:50:43 GMT

Well... I haven't been on Tribe.net in a LONG time! I dunno why...just sorta been caught up lately in life n dance n such... It seems like MySpace ( www.myspace.com/ladyvamp143 ) has been the main lifeline to the outside world and the main means of contact when it comes to networking and plan-making... One might argue that Tribe is a far superior site, but I dunno... I have so much going on, I don't have time these days to brows tribes n chat n stuff... It's all business these days! ...not that I'm complaining... On the contrary, I am very happy and grateful to be so busy! Things are good, life is good and I am finding myself VERY inspired! I just performed in my 21st show last weekend and it was not only the 21st show, but one of my best... At least in my head, and in my body...it felt like my best! I dunno what it looked like from the outside, but it felt damn good from inside!! lol Anyway... I just thought I'd check in and let ya'all know I am still around!

Integrity

*Medea* — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 03:02:36 GMT

Live with integrity. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Life's too short to fuck around. Be certain of what you feel, don't just accept it at face value and react. Dig deeper. Live without regret. If you make a bad decision, do it consciously. It is YOUR life and only you can make those mistakes, so own up to it, or just stop making them in the first place. Be fully present and in the moment at all times. Breathe in every experience with all the senses. Be a tactile creature. Make eye contact and hug and 'love on' people more. Acknowledge the presence of the gods in everyone you come in contact with and in everything you do. Don't put yourself into the position of looking back on your deathbed and wondering where your life went. Know exactly who you are and where you're going...even if you think you have no idea...you do...in your soul. Just listen. Don't limit yourself to who you *think* you *should* be or who you think everyone else wants you to be. Don't put yourself in neat lil clearly-labeled boxes. It's cliche', but think outside that box. Push yourself beyond all your expectations... and then delete that list altogether. Stop bullshitting yourself, stop telling yourself all kinds of safe lies to make yourself feel better. Face the truth, the reality and the pure light of it all...with curiousity, not resistance. Walk straight up to your fear and tell it to fuck off. And then embrace it and thank it for teaching you yet another lesson. Love those who you dislike and love those you do like even more. When faced with unhealthy people or habits, clear your head out and think with your entire being. Not just your head, or your heart, but with your entire soul, and evaluate just what they mean to you. Then, step away and, once again, thank them for the heart lesson. Don't take anything for granted. Know that while time may be limitless in the grand scheme, you are only aware of one life at a time, so make it a damn good one. Tell the people you love, that you love them ALOT. Tell them how much you appreciate them in your life. Confront the 'enemy' and let them know that you are compassionate toward their innate suffering and that you want them to find peace. And then YOU go and find some damn peace. Spread that peace like wildfire. Expell the demons and ignite the fires of love amongst your fellow humans. When thrust into someone's angry world, soak it up like a sponge, change that energy into love and then send it right back out. When driven to hate, laugh...loudly. Life is what you make it, you are what you eat, don't eat the yellow snow. May the force be with you. 'I will love pouring myself into this physical body, into the physical time-space-reality, for that environment will cause me to focus the powerful energy that is me into something more specific. And in the specifics of that focus, there will be powerful motion forward-and joy.' 'True wisdom is the ability to understand the extent to which we bullshit ourselves every single moment of every day.'

Opening the Lotus Pt2

*Medea* — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 03:02:06 GMT

Holy bookslinger, Batman!!! Okay, just finished another set of amazing books!!! Hardcore Zen--Punk Rock, Monster Movies, and the Truth About Reality' & Sit Down & Shut Up--Punk Rock Commentaries on Buddha, God, Truth, Sex, Death & Dogen's Treasury of the Right Dharma Eye' ( a follow-up to Hardcore Zen) Both by Brad Warner This guy's awesome... An old-school punkrocker turned Zen monk... The books are easy to read and straight-forward, no bullshit Zen... I've always been intrigued by Buddhism, which I've always recognized as the most straight-forward philosphy out there; no God drama, no dogma, no bullshit...just you and your life, day to day... dealing with the real world as its happening NOW... But Zen Buddhism strips the excess fat away from even Buddhism itself! It makes all the other Buddhist disciplines seem like they're all covered in cheese and fat like the rest of the organized religions out there (though not quite as bad, obviously)... No bullshit... no chocolate coating, no easy to digest sprinkles... This is the truth at its purest and most naked essence... and I loved it... I identified with it so well that I had to read both books... I gotta give you my favorite quote from the second book: 'True wisdom is the ability to understand the extent to which we bullshit ourselves every second of every single day' Now if that ain't the essence of TRUTH, I don't know what is... Everything is perception, right? Even that facade we think of as our 'selves' is an illusion built by us... Just keep in mind that we bullshit ourselves ALL THE TIME... now that is the path to enlightenment... Inbetween the two Brad Warner books, I ingested a little book called 'The War of Art--Winning the Creative Battle' by Steven Pressfield... It's alittle ditty Rachel Brice recommended... And it was a tasty one indeed... Another book about battling our own bullshit and delusions in order to get to the bottom of things and move forward with your art... Specifically, dealing with Resistance... inward and outward... It's all about fighting our own demons and not falling for all the self-sabotage we tend to feed ourselves... It was another great book that I recommend to anyone trying to face their fears and battle their inner critic... Check 'em out, yo!!! You won't be sorry...

To shimmy or not to shimmy...that is the question

*Medea* — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 01:22:45 GMT

I have decided to take a break from my dance mania and hibernate for the winter...like a belly dance teddy bear of sorts...if you will... I am planning a 3-month hiatus where I can focus on other things besides dance (is there anything else in the world?!? yes.)... So there will NOT be any more classes or performances til February at the earliest...Including the show on Dec 3rd at the Pyramid Lounge...I had to cancel that because I injured my back last weekend and won't be able to dance in this condition (at least not terribly well)... I'm sad because I was really looking forward to this performance, but I don't want to injure myself any further... There are many factors that have lead me to this. First, on a physical plane, I have this burning desire to pursue other artistic endeavours including my painting (which I've neglected for years, basically), my furniture making (what is this?, you ask...stay tuned) and my writing, which is a fire I have very recently rekindled within myself... Dance will always light a fire under my ass...but there are many other fires I wanna stoke... Second, on an emotional plane, I have lost some of my passion for dance... Not in a general sense; I will LOVE it for the rest of my life... But I am at the moment uninspired, overwhelmed and stuck in a rut. I have been so focused on becoming a pro, that the initial spiritual tie I once had to it has diminished in my pursuit to find a niche, style, voice...to learn from the best and become a peer in that group...to become a performer instead of just an enthusiast... To become the worshipped (not literally, folks), and not instead be the one worshipping thru dance... Third, on a spiritual plane, speaking of worship...I am in need of an awakening...divine inspiration... I've been on this journey for sometime...reading voraciously, meditating, writing, searching... and I keep coming back to this sinking feeling that I have put myself in a box...defined and labeled...limited and bound... When you spend sooo much of your time focusing on *one* aspect of your character/personality/expression, you run the risk of becoming/feeling defined by that *one* thing... Yes, I am a Belly Dancer... but that's not ALL I am... and yet, I feel like that's become the whole of my identity at the moment... Everything in my life is wrapped up in this *one* aspect of my 'self'... It's all about practicing dance, making plans to practice, teaching, planning to teach, taking workshops, scanning the internet for workshops, reading forums, etc.... ALL DANCE ALL THE TIME... I need to explore the rest of my 'self'... Make sure I am still a whole person without all the dance stuff to offer as a definition of 'who I am'... For myself and for everyone else... If that makes sense... I will dance again.. oh ya, you betcha... I'll dance again.... I am just on the waning phase of my mooncycle... so to speak... I just need to get away, take a break, breathe in some new air, and then join in the dance mania again... er sumthin... I'll keep taking classes here and there and will practice still so I don't lose all the wonderful knowledge I've gained from the amazing teachers I've had... No, all that time, money, blood, sweat & tears will NOT go to waste ;) It's just a small (albeit imperative) break... Winter's hibernation, right?

Opening The Lotus

*Medea* — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 21:25:35 GMT

So, I've been on this little mission... I've been reading a ton and writing a ton and meditating a ton... In the attempt to clear my head, expell some demons and fill myself with love, faith and spirituality... I've been dealing with a lot of change..alot of challenging situations...some self-doubt, reflection and inward-examination... I've been in search of some answers to some very intense questions I've been asking...about myself, the people in my life and the world at large... Now, if you know me, you know I don't read alot... I used to, and I should, considering I work at a library and all... But I've had a hard time concentrating and devoting any good amount of time to reading... And then something shifted in me... Like I suddenly realized that doing so would change my life and alter my reality greatly... So, I grabbed a book and went for a walk... I walked to the cafe near my house and sat for a few hours and just read.... This started a pattern, or a routine for me... and now I've read 7 books in just the last month! And now, almost every day, I walk to the cafe and read a bunch... If I sit at home, I end up restless; like I've got so much shit at home to do, so I won't allow myself to read... But, if I go somewhere where I'm sort of forced to focus, then it's like I'm allowing myself this chunk of time to devote to my brain... I spend so much time focusing on my body...thru and with all the dance stuff... So, it was time my brain got a little attention ;) The first book I read was a book by a buddhist nun, named Pema Chodron... It was called 'When Things Fall Apart'...it was a buddhist take on working thru doubt, fear, anger, etc... Then I read another of Pema's books, 'The Places That Scare You'... Basically the same thing, but with more focus on bodhichitta... These were oddly perfect for what I've been dealing with... The timing was perfect, the teachings were perfect... I am grateful to Pema. And, I'm grateful to Rachel Brice for suggesting them. After those two, I picked up 'Opening The Lotus' by Sandy Boucher... It was a woman's guide to Buddhism. I've always been drawn to the teaching of the Buddha... and after reading Pema's books, I thought this would be agreat next step in studying some of the teachings... It was an awesome book... As I was finishing 'Lotus', I picked up 'The Better Than Good Life' by Zig Ziglar... This was a Christian-inspired, self-help sort of book... At times a little cheesy, but for the most part it was another good book, pushing me in the right direction... I read 'Catching The Big Fish' by the filmmaker David Lynch, too... This was a VERY simple book covering the benefits Lynch found from meditation and how it applied to his work and how it applies to daily life... It was simple and quick, but cute. Since I've been trying to get my business plan together, I thought I'd finally read this book Kim had lent me months ago... It was 'The Girl's Guide to Starting Your Own Business' by C.Friedman and K.Yorio... VERY good book about the basics of owning your own business...as a woman...from a woman's perspective... The book was well-written and simple enough for a dummy like me to understand... I will definitely have to come back to it as a reference as I begin writing the actual plan... (Thanks, Kim.. I finally got to it!) I just finished another book that was a pleasant surprise...albeit a tad controversial... It was called 'Jesus of Suburbia' by Erre. The author is a minister who had a change of heart, or a revelation about Jesus and who he's become over the years... From a revolutionary and rebel who shocked and stunned the world around him, to this convenient store, fast-food Jesus who's been watered down and made far too palatable and lost his awesomeness... I loved this book because I've struggled long and hard with my spirituality...my battle with reconciling my draw towards Buddhism with my faith in God and Jesus.. These two aren't exactly mutually exclusive, but it is still hard to find a way to be true to both... This book made some things clear for me and encouraged me to hang on and keep looking forward... I will find the answers I am looking for... They will present themselves to me as they should...as long as I am open to the divine... At home, I've got 'The Creative Habit' by the famous dancer, Twyla Tharp, and 'Yoga For Wellness' by Gary Kraftsow (another RB suggestions) that I'm reading at the same time ( I tend to do that)... The first one is about honing your creativity... which I need to do... And the second one is a basic yoga book, showing a ton of asanas and giving all kinds of good tips on what they are and what they do... I'm diggin that and hope to apply it to my own practice... All this just gets me excited for the next book... What do I read next? Where do I wanna take my brain this time??? It's silly how simple it all is and yet how excited I am.. It's almost as if I JUST learned how to read... Or I just dusted off all the cobwebs and now I see clearly... Along with all this reading, I've been writing a ton, too.. Sorta journal-esque...sorta poetry... basically whatevah comes to mind... It's very cathartic... I've made a vow to keep it going... This mission has no end... It is the journey that brings enlightenment... I am being reborn...every day, every moment... and I am becoming the child of God, the daughter of Buddha...the follower of The Way.... I am opening the Lotus...

Observations...

*Medea* — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 00:57:52 GMT

...or, 'Who the hell do you think you are?' So, along with all the fabulosity that transpired last night, there was also a little sadness and disappointment that occured as well... Let me explain: Everytime I throw/go to a party, I learn more and more about my friends & acquaintences... I get to see who the crazy ones are, who the happy drunks are, who the fighters are, who the super generous ones are, who the funny ones are, who the quiet ones are, etc etc etc... And along with the good, funny, entertaining stuff, you sometimes find out the less than fabulous parts of your friends, too... You, unfortunately, sometimes have to find out who the liars are, who the mean drunks are, who the snobs are, who the addicts are, who the thieves are, who the shit-talkers are, etc etc etc... And sadly, I had a moment like that last bit last night, where I had to see just how shitty some of the people in my life--ones who I called my friends--really are... People I've always respected and loved, who, in an instant, lost all my respect and love... Lemme premise this by saying that when I sent out the invites, I knew a bunch of other parties were going on, too..in fact there were 3 different major parties going on last night... One was thrown by a pirate from the SCA, one had a live band, and one was thrown by a group who turned their house into a haunted house... So, I knew it was gonna be tough for people to pick which party to go to...and ours didn't have canons, live music or a haunted house effect going on, so I knew we had some stiff competition (in the lightest of terms) and it'd probably be a thin crowd... That was fine. I knew that all (most) of my close friends were comin and that's all I -needed-...the rest would be gravy...fabulous, yummy gravy... I just wanted to have a nice gathering of peeps to hang, chat and have a few drinks... I'll also say that we didn't plan to have a drum circle this time.. We ALWAYS have drum circles and dancing and all that, but it doesn't exactly allow for effective mingling and conversation having... So, we decided this time to just hang... If the mood struck, we'd play a bit, but mostly, we just wanted to have some quality hang time with our friends... Well, this group of 'friends' showed up who at first looked disappointed in the size of the party and then later on, acted disapproving that we didn't have a drum circle going... Here's what happened: The woman of the group glanced around the room, nose in the air and then gave a very snobby 'hm' before leaving...only coming back to call and find out about the other party going on... It struck me that maybe she just came to see 'who of any importance was there'... and then when she saw that there was noone of consequence to her, moved on to a 'better' more opportunistic gathering... I guess I could have read it wrong, but that's how I was made to feel... Do we all have to be royalty/rockstars/rich in order to be important enough to hang out with? The husband made noises about being disappointed we didn't have a drum circle this time...and was then rude to everyone... The fact that they were so miffed we weren't drumming sort of struck me as odd, too... Yes, we do that normally, but that's not ALL we're about... If you come *just* to drum and dance, then why are you here at all?? Do you not want to see us?? Are you just trying to make an appearance? Are you not able to hang and chat and mingle with the people, or do you just not want to?? We are not here to entertain you... We may do that sorta here and there, but we are not a circus... We invited you so we could hang out with you and catch up... But apparently that was our mistake.. maybe there's nothing more to you anyway... I dunno...isn't that odd to you? Again, I ask, do we all need to be royalty/rockstars/rich/and entertaining to be good enough to hang with?? Now, had we not had our own party, we'd have been in the same boat; trying to figure out which party to go to...or how to possibly make it to at least a couple of them... But we don't determine which one to go to by 'who of any importance will be there' Ya, we might consider whether or not we'll know anyone...or if this will be a chance to meet a ton of new people... But it's not about 'important' vs. 'unimportant'... It's about quality time... It's not about that stuff... I go to a party based on the host(s), the opportunity to meet new people or visit with old friends... And when I do go to a party I make a point to make the host(s) know that I am happy they invited me... I don't snub them or make them feel like they're a waste of time... If ya go to a number of parties, spend time at each one... make the most of all the time with the people there... Don't make it sound like they're just a time-waster til the next stop... I dunno I should stop bitchin... it just bothered me... Anyway... I gotta tell ya that I wasn't the only one to notice it... They made people feel uncomfortable... They seemed off-puting and self-important... It killed the buzz, really.. But, once they left --to go to another, better party no doubt-- the energy spun back out of control and we were all back to being silly... I'm writing this because it was another incident where I got to see the real deal in someone I thought (hoped) was different... Someone I called a friend, just hit a strange nerve with me... I've been doing alot of soul-searching these days... Reading a ton, writing alot, meditating... Basically, taking stock of who I am, what I want/need to be healthy, where my spirituality lies, where I'm going with my life, etc... Part of that journey has been excluding certain unhealthy people and relationships from my life... People who I thought were friends but were too superficial or catty or high drama... People who wanted to hold me back, discourage me or feed me negativity... People who reinforced bad habits and destructive behaviors...etc. And, of course, reaffirm friendships with the people who are good for me... People who love and support me, who would be there for me, people who teach me things and add to the quality of life and contribute to their community, etc... So, this was just a poignant moment where I had clarity about certain people, certain dynamics and the future of their participation in my life... It was sad, disappointing and I hate to say this, but there's another unhealthy group out of my life... Bummer. Ah well, I guess it's better to have that clarity than to keep clinging to the dillusion of their character... Bye guys. I do hope you find more solid, true friendships with other people... because some day you're going to be super lonely... Good luck with that.

I LOVE Halloween!!!

*Medea* — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 00:48:22 GMT

My sis and I had our Halloween Party last night and it was SOOOO great! I had a ton of fun and was happy to see everyone that came! A pirate friend of ours and his ship threw a party last night, too, and alot of our SCAdian friends were committed to that, but I sorta expected that to happen, so it wasn't a big deal... They stole some of our homies, but we forgive 'em. ;) lol I'm sure that was a great party, too... Anyway, we still had a good turnout, surrounded by some of our favorite people and we were thankful and grateful for their presence and once again reminded of just how lucky we are to have friends like those (more on that later).... So, thanks guys for joining in on the mayhem with us!! The costumes were great! Just wait til you see the pictures!! Thouse looked AWESOME!! Between my sister and J and I, we easily spent $100+ on decorations. I haven't been in a place where I could actually go all out and reallly throw a Halloween party with all the trimmings and everything in a LONG time.. So, it was nice to really go all out... I do wish we would have thought up some silly games and/or had a costume contest... ah well...another party another year, perhaps... People came from all over the place to hang with us; a few from as far South as Vancouver and Portland... I was honored that they made the far trek to see us and help us celebrate... (you guys rock! you know who you are...) We got goofy pictures which will be posted as soon as everyone gets the myriad of cameras developed/uploaded onto the computer so we can steal them from eachother and post 'em for your viewing enjoyment... Stay tuned! I frickin love Halloween!!

Future gigs...

*Medea* — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 21:51:07 GMT

Here are my next couple of shows: *October 20th* Hafla al-Madeena http://www.empiremp.com/hafla2007.html Gold Creek Lodge 16020 148th Ave Ne Woodinville, Wa 98072 The site fee is $12 per person, under 12 free. Alcohol is allowed, but please remember to have a designated driver if you choose to partake. Schedule: 1:30 Site opens 2:00-6:00 Classes 2:30-5:00 Medieval fighting 6:00 Pot Luck dinner 7:30 Show Starts 9:30 Open dancing and drumming until Late ------------------------------------------------------------------------- *October 30th* House of Dolls Variety Show @ Neighboors 1509 Broadway Seattle (entrance in alley) 21+ $6 9pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------- *December 3rd* The Pyramid Lounge http://www.raqsserpentine.com/html/pyramidlounge.html @ High Dive 513 N 36th Seattle, Wa 98103 206-632-0212 8-10:30 pm 21+ No Cover charge

Fusion Belly Dance with Medea

*Medea* — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 21:50:17 GMT

***FINALLY!!! The studio's been booked and confirmed and I'm ready to go!!!!*** Classes start October 17th and October 20th and continue every other week thereafter! Fusion Belly Dance with Medea! Wanna take belly dance lessons?? Know anyone who might?? Hello everyone! I hope this finds you all happy and in good health! I took a hiatus in order to take some classes and workshops with some of my favorite dancers (Kami Liddle, Rachel Brice, Jill Parker, Zoe Jakes & Darshan...to name a few)... but I also moved and went thru some personal *stuff* in the process, so you can't even imagine how excited I am to get this thang going and get back to the studio! I've got some old stuff and some new stuff up my sleeves (in my hips?) and I can't wait to share what I've learned! When?? Every other week... Both Wednesday nights from 6-8 & Saturday afternoons from 2:30-4:30 on the same week. Where?? I will be back at the Auburn Dance and Music Center in downtown Auburn. www.auburndanceandmusiccenter.com 306 Auburn Avenue Auburn, Wa 98002 (253-833-6773) Cost?? The prices will be $10/student/class... Each class is 2 hrs Material/Curriculum?? Well, it'll be a little of the basics and a little technique, and open to all skill levels and experience. I will be sharing what I've learned from the workshops I've taken over the last year as well as throwing in some yoga, some choreography bits I've learned, some modern dance movements, some Bhangra and maybe some other random bits... Basically, a smattering of many things... Gotta keep in interesting, right?? Attire? What to wear? Dress comfortably. Perhaps something you might wear to a yoga class; stretch pants, sweats, etc...skirts are okay, but we will be doing some floor work at times, so it might be wise to wear something underneath. A tight-fitting tank top or sports bra is recommended and you might want to bring a sweatshirt for the cool-down period of class. Tassle belts, coin belts and fringe belts do help with seeing the smaller hip movements, but can be difficult to work around when stretching or doing floor work. I suggest maybe just a hip scarf. And please, no coin belts or anything with jinglies on it, as it is a distraction to the class. No registration required. :) Hope to see you there!!

My first show!

*Medea* — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 20:37:24 GMT

This was my MySpace blog: ***OMG! I can't believe I actually did it!! I performed my first solo performance ever!! I was soooo nervous!! I was shaking sooo bad, my entire body was vibrating!! lol Some sweet girl came up to me after the show, tho, and said it looked like energy was shooting out of my hands and fingers, I was vibrating so hard.... She said it like it was some kinda mystical experience! It was great! I told her that sounded better than 'holy crap, I was so nervous I was shaking really badly' ... Ya, energy shooting out, that's right.. ya... ;) Most of it was a blur to me, but I thought it went well... There were a few moments where I felt overwhelmed and freaked out, but then I'd just check in with myself, connect with a friend at a table (Krystel was making faces and keeping things light and silly for me --Thanks. K!), or just listen to the music and was able to bring myself back, if that makes sense... I had a minor jewelry malfunction, too, but it was funny more than anything... It made everyone giggle and lightened the tone alittle...I did a forward hip scoop and my necklaces got all tangled together, but I laughed it off and fixed it and moved on... I dunno if we'll be able to see it on tape...I sorta turned away from the camera at that point, I think... I felt kinda rushed, like I was speeding thru too quickly, but everyone said it looked smooth and fluid; which I was hoping for... Anyway, it was fun... I enjoyed myself... And I did the Turkish drop!!! Well, sorta... Not quite like Rachel, but I dunno many people who can drop like her! It was more like a semi-smooth dip onto the knees than a drop, but it was cool... I had never actually done it til the Thursday before that and after having done it 20 times the night before, my thighs were screaming at me all day before the show! I was worried I'd mess up, but I *more or less* pulled it off... and since the adrenaline had kicked in, I felt no pain and I rocked it... sorta... So, that was awesome! I'm so proud of myself! Thank you Mira for all your coaching on that the night before! The lady in charge, Janine, was super sweet and was subbing for another woman... She and the other dancers were very kind and supportive, too... It was nice! The rest of the dancers there were more Cabaret, so it was especially odd (and fabulous) that I was the only Tribal Fusion dancer there... and since I don't even really fit into the Tribal Fusion category, it was cool to show the crowd something alittle different... And it felt really good... In fact, after it was all over, I was ready to go up again, ya know, after the initial shock and jitters passed, I was all warmed up and ready to go! There was so much love in the room!! Half the restaurant was filled with my friends and family and I can't even tell ya how much I appreciated all the love and support! Thank you Tuck, Sabanna, Tasha and Wade for coming out to represent my SCA family! And thank you for recording it for me... I am nervous to see it, but glad we got it, anyway... Holy crap, I'm gonna be on YouTube!! I'm really steppin up, now, eh?? lol Thank you to my loving friends, Krystel, Otto, Crystal, Matt, Justin, Mira, Sarah, Jeff... Thank you to my friends from work: Julia, Sabina, Molly & Avis... And thank you to all my family that showed up, too! My mom, my gramma, and my sister came out and, as an added bonus, my dad and brother came over from Yakima to see the show! So, ya, there was alot of love in the room! I was so grateful to have you all there!!! I am so glad I did it, and am looking forward to my next gig!!!*** Update:***Well, Tuck got the video up on YouTube, but at first I couldn't watch it... I was too scared... I knew I'd be over-critical and hate it! But, I finally made myself watch it and I was actually please with how it looked... It was alot smoother and more fluid than I thought...and despite how nervous I was and the rather shitty set-up of the restaurant itself, I think it turned out nicely... I am just proud of myself for finally throwing myself out there... I'm such a perfectionist, I have been holding back for fear of failure... I finally came to a point where I knew I needed to just DO IT... fear of failure or no... I needed to give it a shot and not be such a chicken shit... And I'm glad I did... It felt sooo good to be out there, sharing my passion with my friends and family, baring my soul for those people... It was cathartic...it was healing... it was magical... I'd performed with my troupe years ago, but this was my first SOLO performance... and I was scared shitless!! There is a point in the middle where I send a kiss to the sky... I do that at some point whenever I dance, but it's usually done before or after I dance...where noone can see me... sort of a secret sending of love to the universe... But I had a moment one night during practice where I did it in the middle of dancing and it felt amazing... Like I was taking a second out to ground myself, be humble, and thank God...or the Gods...or Gaia... or whatever forces are out there that I need to give thanks to for being able to be there, at that moment, worshipping and celebrating life... It will forever be in my performances from now on... I posted the video on my MySpace profile and on my profile here... I'm excited to actually have documentation of an amazing moment in my life... ***

My Dance History

*Medea* — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 23:12:56 GMT

I've been told that my dance history is unclear... when and where did I start dancing? Have I or haven't I ACTUALLY performed yet? What style am I doing, anyway? Well, I thought I'd clear it up a little... First, let me say that I was NOT born a dancer... and, sadly, my mother never saw fit to put me in any dance classes when I was younger, so I had a very late start...and a bit of a disadvantage when it came to dance... Really, I was just a floating head, completely disconnected with my phyiscal self, until I was 19 and went to my first Dead Can Dance show... That was the night everything changed...and my body was born... I started 'belly dancing' per se in the SCA years ago... I was just screwin around at the drum circles, drink in hand, having a grand ol time... I discovered that a little fire lit inside me when I did this, and I realized that this was something I should maybe pursue. I didn't know where to go to learn, tho, so I just sorta kept messing around and having fun with it...not giving it too much thought...and my life was a little too hectic to try and make more SCA events... A few years later, I started working at The Vogue in Seattle and started dancing there and at The Mercury ALOT... I found so much joy in that and in my experiences at the drum circles in the SCA... Dancing transformed me... One night, while working at The Vogue, I got to see a troupe called Troupe Zenobia perform... It was a student group led by an astonishing woman named Zanbaka... I was instantly mesmerized by this troupe... It was ATS with a Flamenco flair and I thought it was stunning... I asked Zanbaka if I could learn from her and took a handful of her classes... I got some friends together, my sister joined us later, and we formed a cute little amateur troupe we called Tribe Shakti and instantly began choreographing a sword dance... We got booked for a gig at a Feast for some royals in the SCA and ended up conducting our first performance... at Harvest Feast... We also threw together a candle dance and then performed both dances at various SCA events, at Hemp Fest, and then at a Hafla that my camp threw at Autumn War... So, yes, I've performed, but at that point, only with my troupe... Tribe Shakti was short-lived, as one member had to leave to pursue her other interests and one moved to the East side... My sister also had some things going on in her personal life that caused her to have to bail on the troupe for a while, so I was on my own... I took a little hiatus... I still danced at drum circles at events, but with a lot less ferver than before... I was also feeling disconnected again... I liked the traditional ATS, and I liked Zanbaka's flamenco fusion alot, but it just wasn't speaking to me anymore... So, I lost my fire for a little while there... Then I discovered Rachel Brice and The Indigo... Seeing Rachel perform and bring to life a vision I'd seen in my head but never actually manifested in real life, was like Mary coming to me from heaven... and a fire was lit under my uninspired ass again... I decided to pursue Tribal Fusion... I would sign up for classes with my fave dancers and see if it speaks to me... I took a workshop with Kami Liddle in Spokane and I LOVED IT! She was so sweet and cute and she taught me alot... Then I went to Vegas to take a 3-day workshop with Rachel and that was pretty damned fabulous! I love her so much! I also got to take a workshop with Jill Parker and the Ultra Gypsy ladies, and that was alot of fun... I am going to be taking 3 classes with Zoe Jakes @ Tribal Quest NW, and hopefully I'll be able to book classes with Mardi Love, Sharon Kihara, Michelle Campbell and a handful of other amazing Tribal Fusion goddesses... Another source of inspiration to me was Ariellah Aflalo... She was also part of the Indigo, but took a little bit of a left turn and went the path of Gothic Belly Dance... I admit I was alittle hesitant to mix that sort of dark, theatre feel that I would do at a club with Belly Dance...but I think it was because I hadn't yet seen anyone really work it all with such amazing style... It was dramatic and dark, but she also had mad skills and talent and it worked REALLY well... And really, that scene and environment does lend itself to the bellydance aesthetic... So, in a weird way, seeing her do that made it okay for me to go in that direction... So, as far as style goes, *at the moment* I'd like to think I am a little ATS with a flamenco flair (courtesy of Zanbaka), a little Tribal Fusion funky (thanks to RB & Zoe) with a little Bhangra kick (courtesy of Kami) and sometimes a little dark and witchy fire (inspired by Ariellah)... Mostly, it comes down to mood, music, venue and calling... And it is ALWAYS done MY WAY... I am influenced, but definitely NOT trying to copy or emulate any of these women... I have yet to perform on a stage with an audience all by myself... I have done a few small half-shows...and some purely by accident (long story), but nothing I'd call an actual performance... They were at SCA events, parties, festivals and parks, so it was mostly a casual, almost jam session kinda thing... and I certainly haven't been paid to dance...yet... Right now, I'm just dancin when I can where I can and hope to work in a performance one of these days... Still kinda chicken, tho... So...ummm...ya... that's about the gist of who and what I am in my little dance world...