Some Thoughts
Unconditional Love?
Tue, September 25, 2007 - 8:32 AMPart of me says that to be a self-respecting person, I must draw the line at my "generosity of spirit" being taken advantage of. We must not allow ourselves to be abused, the beauty we extend in an attempt at unconditional love and support tainted and used.
Yet does that not, in itself, put conditions on the "unconditional" nature of ones love?
Another part of me says that because I know that all my thoughts, perceptions, experiences must pass through my own filters, could I not find a way to transform negativity from others and see it rather as great need. If a person lives in a space of negativity, that contributes to their hurting others, and if I wish to love them unconditionally, wouldn't I chose never to give up on them, never to walk away despite their hurting me, but instead, to continue to extend love, in as pure a form as I can, compensating as necessary to prevent damage to myself...to shine that light in the darkest of places? And simply "not allow" my own filters to be tainted by their lack of reciprocation? That makes me quite the martyr, huh?
Perhaps this is too idealistic? I'm not even certain I'm capable of that. But I am conscious of it, so I can learn to apply it right?
If there are not those of us who will extend ourselves, despite conditions, how can we ever hope to find that in others, when perhaps we need it most? Should we not "Be the change we wish to see in the world"?
How can I say that I want to be loved unconditionally, and yet put conditions on my own extension of love? And is it not true that we need love most when we are most unlovable?
Though if this is true, what would I tell a person being abused? "Don't SEE it as abuse. See it as need, and give more." ?? No, I wouldn't say that. I would say, "Respect yourself and walk away."
Does this mean unconditional love does not exist? Or does this simply mean that the abused person should love from a distance? But in walking away, do we not send the message that we are withdrawing our support, our "unconditional" love? Is the line determined by physical abuse, psychological abuse, how much one can accept?
I welcome feedback on this one. I'm stumped.
Tue, September 25, 2007 - 8:32 AM -
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Tue, September 25, 2007 - 11:27 AM
Trinity, Dear,
I am so delighted to see how you see the world and the peeps around you. And the deep rooted desire to wish them well and shine a light for them in need. And in this blog you so openly make room for your own lesson to be learned. At least that's how I see it. I wouldn't have been able to give you a clear answer or insight on this one, but time heals and time tells you things if you're open for it. so here I go. Yes I'm with you on the 'being the change you want to see in the world' As a matter of fact, it sticks to my freezer and I look at it every day. But it does not say I'm OK with you hurting my feelings when I'm only trying to be nice to you and let you see the light. I learned a wise lesson the past months on this matter. And that is: everyone has his or her own responsability for his or her life. With that I mean: you can't make someone see the light when they're not ready or willing to see it. Even though WE can clearly see that this person is hurting him/herself. Yes, we can try to make this person see the other option and make him/her choose a different cause, so in the end the effect is better, good instead of hurtful. And Trinity, yes it's beautiful to see you so determined and willing to make a positive change in the world around you. But it's not good for you if this yearning drains you of your energy. I allways called it 'my fucking florence Nightingale Syndrome' (and I said goodbye to that 3 months ago) Instead of trying hard, maybe too hard you might find comfort in the knowledge that also someone is in pain for a reason. And it could be a lesson that person really needs to learn, and it's an opportunity for creating their own light. And I'm not saying that 'leaving them to die' is the way. Sometimes people choose to sit in the dark, how hard we try to put on the lightbulb above their heads. Lighting them at that stage could also burn them. I learned that instead of burning them with my Light, I am much better off (and believe me they too) when I just simply show them the switch. So they can reach for it in their own time. Me willing to heal them sometimes is not the right thing for them. I wrote a 'poem' about it when I was going throught that phase with my last bf. I hope you will also see the lesson I learned and find comfort in the fact that all of our roads to enlightenment are different, and some take the long way home. But if that's what makes them see, then so be it. We can change our will of 'forcefully help' into a tender and soft light of 'I see you are in pain, I have compassion for you, I'm here' And to conclude with the final line of my poem: And when he chooses to see, let him come to me'. congrats and good luck with this lesson, Namaste, Robert oh yeah, here's my poem. |
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Tue, September 25, 2007 - 11:30 AM
Ok then, here it is.
oh and I forgot to say: besides that we can see that peeps are in deep shit. I'ts also their free will to do so. Although we see it's not the way for them. hug, Robert I'm facing a door. It looks like a new door but I'v been here before I can feel it And if I open my eyes I can really see it the door of the Great Entree is beyond this door and only at a glance the door I have to open now is the door of The Great Letting Go And darn, this door is heavy so heavy As I press my hands against these solid wooden 'walls' I feel the hurt penetrating my hands travelling up my arms into my being Dazed and confused I cry not understanding why my Light is too heavy on him why he hides from it when all I ever wanted was to let him love himself wanting to make it right I spread my wings even wider and burst out even more Light cuz I love him and it is with love I share that's just me And then there was me being sorely tried in seeing my light is sometimes too bright that it burns that it blows fuses And that sometimes just showing him the switch is enough at that time me holding back the fact that I want to heal And my Light that just wants to burst out of my chest and saturate everything and everybody with pure love, compassion and acceptance And there it is.... my Challenge of Doing by Not Doing of The Power Lies in the Non Grasping But most important.... The Great Letting Go..... To love without expectations To let him Be... and when he chooses to see let him come to me. |
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Mon, January 28, 2008 - 11:54 AM
I don't think unconditional requires allowing yourself to be abused and misused. I think practicing unconditional love means not judging someone and being able to forgive someone's "trespasses" against you. That requires compassion on your part, but doesn't mean you must keep yourself in harms way when in the vicinity of someone not as spiritually evolved as you are. One way to look at it is to simply consider unconditional love to be agape love. Martin Luther King spent a career developing his understanding of it.
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Mon, January 28, 2008 - 4:03 PM
To me, unconditional love has to do with compassion and desire and freely expressing them as you see is best for them and you and others all together without hesitation or fear or guilt. It has to do with the world as you see it. It is the joy of others success and joy and worthiness. It has little to do with submitting to another's requests, expectations, desires, abuse etc. It is not pleasing them but doing right by them. That is a critical difference. It is about your compassionate judgment of what is good for them. Yes, you need to be able to see the world through their eyes to know better what will truly be good for them, but you do not have to buy in to their morality, their selfishness. Give on your terms not theirs. Manifested unconditional love is being your own person, whether taking or giving, so as to bring about your compassionate vision of the world. Taking abuse from another has no part in it. A bit of my thoughts ... Willy |
