I just found out, through a series of coincidences, that an old friend of mine is dead.
We dated so many years ago. When I was young and living in New York City. I don’t even remember how we met, probably at some after hours club or dark bar. Maybe Ursula introduced us at Aztec. He was gloriously gorgeous and decent. I’ve always had a weakness for beauty.
He was my lover and my boyfriend. The only boyfriend I introduced to my parents after I moved out that they liked. He was their favorite. Because he lived the moment he was standing in. Because he looked them in the eye and treated them like people, not parents. Because he didn’t pretend. To know everything. He didn’t deny who he was or his kinks. He was just himself. Philip Nathanial D’shan Drennan. D’shan. D.

After,… We kept in touch. I stayed with him when I visited NYC sometimes. We did a project together. We traveled to Czech together. I love his art, drawings, metal, wood, himself. Yes, he was his own canvas. We didn’t travel well together. But I have indelible memories of the small town Czechs dropping their garden tools to run to fence to look at him in his black duster and battered white straw cowboy hat ("Hele! hele!). And all the girls who wanted a photo with him.

I would think of him every so often. Sometimes contact him. I even looked him up on the internet at a friend’s house. We were all talking so I didn’t really read the site. But I thought it strange he hadn’t logged on for so long. So long. 2 years ago, he committed suicide. Very deliberately. Well thought out. No, I do not know the method. I only know D.

The world is a less beautiful place with out him. I am sad that there will never be another meeting, another memory, another chance to watch him charm the (thankfully) female airport security guard after scaring her with his fangs. That flame is dark. Dear man.
Time passing made him no less dear.

So many memories. Stories.
He made such an impact on my life. Three pieces of his metal art are on my walls. He lives inside my heart. I hope he is happy, wherever he may be. And he’s invited to visit me any time. You hear that, D? You're invited to visit...