This is SO important:

Wal Mart Greeter Test

88_is_here — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 14:29:29 GMT

BUBBA AND THE WALMART TEST An office manager at Walmart was given the task of hiring an Individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table The interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT." It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; It's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of. "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked the second man Hmm. Let me see. A BLINK! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A blink of an eye is the fastest thing I can think of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer "The blink of an eye, that's very Good." He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the Wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out Across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an Instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and Thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light, "he said. Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed Same question. Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers, It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't Feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit in my pants." Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Walmart near you!

Are ya thinking about getting pregnant?

88_is_here — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 22:22:00 GMT

Some important things to know: Pregnancy Q &A Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A! : Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college.

DID HE PREDICT THE FUTURE? OR WHAT?

88_is_here — Wed, 02 May 2007 12:53:24 GMT

This week, Gary Trudeau is reposting Donnesbury strips from October 2002. It is scary how accurately he predicted the state of chaos that exists RIGHT NOW in that god forsaken Iraq. Take a look at the three I have posted here from this week's run (Monday-Wednesday). I mean, if a Yale educated comic strip creator could forsee this, why couldn't a Yale educated POTUS with all the resources he has at HIS disposal? http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.html?uc_full_date=20070430 http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.html?uc_full_date=20070501 http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.html?uc_full_date=20070502

red state update

88_is_here — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 12:21:18 GMT

these are two among many... and they are WAY too funny. you guys can thank me later (if ya haven't seen them already) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f45K8Jh14-k http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4egsqit9Az8

A Little Bush Bashing To Start The Day!

88_is_here — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 13:00:00 GMT

I always feel better when I get this out of my system... here are a few old, one-liners... just for fun: 1) (On an infant's shirt): Already smarter than Bush. 2) 1/20/09: End of an Error 3) That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway 4) Let's Fix Democracy in THIS COUNTRY First 5) If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran 6) Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber. 7) You Can't Be Pro-War And Pro-Life At The Same Time 8) If You Can Read This, You're Not the President 9) Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant 10) Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet? 11) George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight 12) Impeachment: It's Not Just for Sex Anymore 14) America : One Nation, Under Surveillance 15) They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It 16) Cheney/Satan '08 17) Jail to the Chief 18) No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade? 19) Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap 20) Bad president! No Banana. 21) We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language 22) We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them 23) Is It Vietnam Yet? 24) Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either 25) Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket? 26) You Elected Him. You Deserve Him. 27) When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46 28) The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century 29) 2004: Embarrassed 2005: Horrified 2006: Terrified

Heading to Costa Rica on Saturday...

88_is_here — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 03:19:15 GMT

Never been before and I'm really looking forward to it. Be on a cruise hitting ports on the West Coast side. Anybody have any experience down there? (I hear the brothels are 1st rate (but travelling companion may have a prob with that)) Love to hear any ideas for places to visit. I have plenty of opportunity to explore. TIA

Have you got the Blues?

88_is_here — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 13:16:32 GMT

The who, what, where, when and why of blues singing 1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..." 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town." 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes...sort of like: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound." 4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch -- ain't no way out. 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin 'to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle are probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is. 9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. 10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty bed d. bottom of a whiskey glass Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom's b. gallery openings c. Ivy League institutions d. golf courses 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it. 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a. you be older than dirt b. you be blind c. you shot a man in Memphis d. you can't be satisfied No, if: a. you have all your teeth b. you were once blind but can now see c. the man in Memphis lived d. you have a 401-K plan or trust fund 13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues. 14. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black coffee The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier b. Chardonnay c. Snapple d. Slim Fast e. Diet Coke 15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while undergoing liposuction. 16. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d. Fat River Dumpling e. Caledonia 17. Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Big Willie e. Leroy 18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Brooke, Brittany and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. 19. Create your own Blues name: a. select the name of physical infirmity (blind, deaf, cripple, lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name offruit (lemon, lime, kiwi, etc.) c. last name of a president (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.") 20. Oh, by the way. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you cannot sing the Blues.

you need at least one of these bumper stickers now:

88_is_here — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 12:35:22 GMT

DEAR WORLD WE TRIED OUR BEST -- HALF OF AMERICA BLIND FAITH IN BAD LEADERSHIP IS NOT PATRIOTISM IF YOU'RE NOT OUTRAGED, YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION IF YOU SUPPORTED BUSH, A YELLOW RIBBON WON'T MAKE UP FOR IT SUPPORT OUR TROOPS; IMPEACH BUSH AT LEAST IN VIETNAM, BUSH HAD AN EXIT STRATEGY SEND THE TWINS POVERTY, HEALTHCARE & HOMELESSNESS ARE MORAL ISSUES REMOVE BUSH'S FEEDING TUBE FRODO HAS FAILED; BUSH HAS THE RING SUPPORT OUR TROOPS; BRING THEM HOME NOW! BUSH LIED, AND YOU KNOW IT! RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALISM: A THREAT ABROAD, A THREAT AT HOME GOD BLESS EVERYONE (No exceptions) BUSH SPENT YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY ON HIS WAR "TIS THE TIMES PLAGUE WHEN MADMEN LEAD THE BLIND" -- William Shakespeare (King Lear) "THEY THAT CAN GIVE UP ESSENTIAL LIBERTY TO OBTAIN A LITTLE TEMPORARY SAFETY DESERVE NEITHER LIBERTY NOR SAFETY" -- Benjamin Franklin PRO AMERICA, ANTI BUSH WHO WOULD JESUS BOMB? IF YOU SUPPORT BUSH'S WAR, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? SHUT UP AND SHIP OUT FEEL SAFER NOW? I'D RATHER HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO SCREWED HIS INTERN THAN ONE WHO SCREWED HIS COUNTRY JESUS WAS A SOCIAL ACTIVIST LIBERAL MY VALUES? FREE SPEECH. EQUALITY. LIBERTY. EDUCATION. TOLERANCE IS IT 2008 YET? DISSENT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF PATRIOTISM -- Thomas Jefferson DON'T BLAME ME. I VOTED AGAINST BUSH TWICE! NOBODY DIED WHEN CLINTON LIED *OF COURSE IT HURTS. YOU'RE GETTING SCREWED BY AN ELEPHANT *ANNOY A CONSERVATIVE; THINK FOR YOURSELF VISUALIZE IMPEACHMENT HEY BUSH! WHERE'S BIN LADEN? CORPORATE MEDIA = MASS MIND CONTROL STOP MAD COWBOY DISEASE GEORGE W. BUSH: MAKING TERRORISTS FASTER THAN HE CAN KILL THEM WHERE ARE WE GOING? AND WHY ARE WE IN THIS HANDBASKET? *KEEP YOUR THEOCRACY OFF MY DEMOCRACY *DEMOCRATS ARE SEXY. WHOEVER HEARD OF A GOOD PIECE OF ELEPHANT? ASPIRING CANADIAN CORPORATE MEDIA: WEAPONS OF MASS DECEPTION DON'T CONFUSE DYING FOR OIL WITH FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM STEM CELL RESEARCH IS PRO LIFE HATE, GREED, IGNORANCE: WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION HONOR OUR TROOPS; DEMAND THE TRUTH CLINTON - OBAMA 2008 REBUILD IRAQ? WHY NOT SPEND 87 BILLION ON AMERICA? FACT: BUSH OIL 1999 - $19 BARREL 2006 - $70 BARREL *THE LAST TIME RELIGION CONTROLLED POLITICS, PEOPLE GOT BURNED AT THE STAKE I'LL GIVE UP MY CHOICE WHEN JOHN ROBERTS GETS PREGNANT HOW ON EARTH CAN 59,411,287 PEOPLE BE SO DUMB? TRUST ME, I NEVER TOLD A SINGLE SOUL TO VOTE FOR BUSH (Jesus)

Why can't we return to the good old days?

88_is_here — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 17:36:54 GMT

submitted with a smile but without a comment: :-)

just 39 months to go!

88_is_here — Fri, 04 Nov 2005 03:43:22 GMT

http://www.newyorker.com/talk/content/articles/051107ta_talk_remnick HELL WEEK Issue of 2005-11-07 Posted 2005-10-31 Last Monday, at the very start of George W Bush’s week of misery, Thomas M. DeFrank the Washington bureau chief of the Daily News, published a story that portrayed the President as frustrated and enraged, a “peevish and melancholy” tenant of the Oval Office lashing out at everyone around him for the calamities of the recent past and the ones sure to follow. No one, not even the most loyal satrap, was safe from Bush’s rages––not his close adviser Karl Rove, or Vice-President Dick Cheney, or Andrew Card, the chief of staff. “The only person escaping blame,” one source explained, “is the President himself.” Naturally. A prominent feature of the last Presidential debates was Bush’s refusal to own up to a single mistake. Self-searching is still not a part of his political or personal repertory. And yet the Administration’s misery index has soared along with the price of gas. His ill-conceived Social Security reform bill is effectively dead; the insurgency in Iraq has undermined every moment of progress there and keeps alive the memory of all the wasted opportunities and arrogant decisions of the postwar period; and a hundred trips to the Gulf Coast will not erase the images, and the human cost, of Presidential fecklessness in the first days of Hurricane Katrina. As if by magic, Party regulars were suddenly decrying the emptiness at the core of things. Lawrence Wilkerson, Colin Powell’s former chief of staff, publicly unloaded (three years too late) on the Bush Administration for “cowboyism” in its foreign policy, for the duplicitous marshalling and manipulation of intelligence to sell the invasion of Iraq, and, because the President is “not versed in international relations and not too much interested in them, either,” a chilling dependency on the “Cheney-Rumsfeld cabal.” Then, in an interview with Jeffrey Goldberg in these pages, Brent Scowcroft, the national-security adviser under George H. W. Bush, described one architect of the war, Paul Wolfowitz, as a utopian fantasist, and another, his old colleague Cheney, as changed beyond recognition. As Hell Week commenced in earnest, the military announced the two-thousandth U.S. combat death in Iraq (more than eighteen hundred since the declaration of “Mission Accomplished”). Harriet Miers, who had declared the President the most brilliant man she had ever met, leaped loyally onto the trash heap of history as she recast her humiliation as a stalwart defense of executive privilege. And, on Friday afternoon, Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald stolidly laid out a five-count indictment of “Cheney’s Cheney,” the Vice-President’s chief of staff, I. Lewis (Scooter) Libby, for making false statements to an F.B.I. agent, perjury before a grand jury, and obstruction of justice. As the diminishment of Bush’s political power has become plain, as his poll numbers have shrivelled, his Democratic detractors could be forgiven a moment of thinking, At last! Bush had been unmasked in all his insularity, hubris, and executive incompetence. While Fitzgerald described the utterly brazen way that Libby had constructed his lies about leaking Valerie Wilson’s identity to the press, it was hard to forget the even more brazen way that Libby, Cheney, and the Pentagon’s Office of Special Plans constructed lies and exaggerations about the state of Saddam Hussein’s arsenal and his “links” to Al Qaeda. But the lessons that Bush is likely to derive from the complex of recent disasters will not automatically lead to a more considered, modest, and moderate Presidency. The fact is that many of his newly emboldened critics are leading members of the true-believing conservative wing of the Republican Party, ideological radicals who saw Harriet Miers as the most underqualified crony to be nominated since the Truman Administration and could not bring themselves to believe the Administration’s winks and nods hinting that she was ideologically––and theologically––One of Us. With the Miers nomination, a moment had arrived in which ideological devotion trumped partisan loyalty. No tactic was sufficient to woo the rebels in his camp. Cheney himself went on Rush Limbaugh’s radio show in an attempt to seduce him with personal assurances, saying he was confident that Miers “has a conservative judicial philosophy that you’d be comfortable with, Rush.” Very few in the conservative media were buying it. Charles Krauthammer, John Fund, George Will, John Podhoretz, Bruce Bartlett, Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, Ramesh Ponnuru, William Kristol, David Frum, and many others set out to scotch the nomination. Over the years, the purists could absorb some of Bush’s departures from the conservative creed––the Medicare prescription-drug legislation, a campaign-finance bill––but they would not countenance a failure to replace Sandra Day O’Connor, a “swing vote” on the Court, with a jurist in the mold of Antonin Scalia or Clarence Thomas. Meanwhile, with Miers reportedly fumbling badly through her practice “murder boards” in preparation for Senate hearings, and with tried-and-true conservatives like Senator Sam Brownback, of Kansas, turning up their noses at her, the vote count was dubious. Finally, it fell to Charles Krauthammer, writing in the Washington Post, to suggest a suitably effective, if entirely disingenuous, exit strategy to the White House: withdraw the nomination and say it was all about guarding the sanctity of White House documents. “Faces saved,” Krauthammer prescribed. “And we start again.” Ronald Reagan, in the midst of his faltering second term, tried to restore some integrity and order to his Administration during the Iran-Contra scandal by bringing in as chief of staff one of the G.O.P. establishment grandees, Howard Baker––a move that also helped moderate American foreign policy to the point where Reagan found, to the benefit of history, a common language with a reformer in the Kremlin, Mikhail Gorbachev. Part of Bush’s vanity––and his Oedipal drama––is that he has modelled himself on Reagan and not on his father, but it is hard to imagine him cleaning house the way Reagan did in 1987 and moving toward the center. In fact, it is even harder these days to locate a centrist establishment in the Republican Party. The conservative insurgency that took shape in the think tanks, congressional offices, and activist groups of Washington a quarter century ago now inhabits the core of the Party. In his anger, and after all his many failures, the President, quite suddenly, seems unpopular, alone, and adrift. Thirty-nine months—five months more than John F. Kennedy’s entire Presidency—remain in the second term of George W. Bush. — David Remnick

YOU NEED TO KNOW MORE!

88_is_here — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 16:00:12 GMT

Some researchers say that men can have 'women's brains' and that women can think more like men. Find out more about 'brain sex' differences by taking the Sex ID test, a series of visual challenges and questions used by psychologists in the BBC One television series Secrets of the Sexes: Get a brain sex profile and find out if you think like a man or a woman. See if you can gaze into someone's eyes and know what they're thinking. Find out why scientists are interested in the length of your fingers. See how your results relate to theories about brain sex. http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sex/add_user.shtml y'all can thank me later for this :-)

Top Ranked Country Music Titles

88_is_here — Mon, 24 Oct 2005 15:15:10 GMT

I know you remember these well: Country Music's Top 25 1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye. 2. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling. 3. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You. 4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run So We're Even. 5. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head). 6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me. 7. She's Actin' Single And I'm Drinkin' Doubles. 8. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away. 9. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You. 10. I Liked You Better Before I knew You So Well. 11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better. 12. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win. 13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight. 14. I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here. 15. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You. 16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now. 17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You. 18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him. 19. Please Bypass My Heart. 20. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger. 21. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat. 22. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly. 23. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure. 24. She's Looking Better After Every Beer. 25. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.

hey...i'm secure in my manhood!

88_is_here — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 21:42:51 GMT

i can take a joke...i think: He Said/She Said He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said .. . . You wear pants don't you? He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa. He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror! On a wall in a ladies room . .. "My husband follows me everywhere" Written just below it . . " I do not" Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them. Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer. Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds? A. The bonds mature. Q.. Why are blonde jokes so short? A. So men can remember them. Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A. We don't know; it has never happened. Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends. Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow. Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married. Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."

SOME RESEARCH QUESTIONS:

88_is_here — Tue, 11 Oct 2005 15:13:49 GMT

I'm doing a non-scientific survey of people I'm connected with (on Tribe and thru a few other avenues), trying to get a sense of upcoming Christmas spending. I'll post results, if you're interested. 1) What is your current household income? a) under $20,000 b) $20,000-$50,000 c) $50,000-$100,000 d) over $100,000 2) Is your current total household income higher or lower than last year's household income? a) higher b) lower 3) Approximately how much money did you spend last year on Christmas and Holiday gift giving? _________________________ 4) Do you expect to spend more or less on gifts for the Holidays in 2005? a) more b) less 5) Do you expect your total household income to increase or decrease in 2006 vs 2005? a) increase b) decrease Many thanks for your answers. They will stay anonymous.