My Blog

Another day another victory!!

Kiri — Thu, 25 May 2006 20:02:01 GMT

Well, here we are & what a place to be!! I broke down yesterday & texted the boy - "will call soon - be happy" was what I got in return. I have taken his advice- no matter how tongue-in-cheek it may have been. I find myself happy, energized & ready for more - a lot more!! I found an old friend today & plan on meeting up with him for a motorcycle ride possibly tonite!! He knew me "when" & was not a big fan of my ex - go figure!! I will not wait to hear from "him", maybe the break is a good thing after all!! Tonite I plan on finishing my housework & doing some laundry, so tomorrow is only a small prep before my father & his mini-wife arrive for the night. If all goes well, I will lift weights, do yoga & dance for at least an hour. Here's hoping I have enough time!! Peace to All- Kiri

Back in my Body Again...

Kiri — Wed, 24 May 2006 16:12:25 GMT

Well It has begun. Last night I did ArBee's full yoga / isolations video (15, 30, & 45) then lifted weights for about an hour! It felt great to burn off all the "garbage" that has collected on me in the past few weeks - I did something to make it better for a change! I plan on the same tonite & then a few hours of house cleaning. My father & step mom are coming into town on Friday to visit me & a nun (seriously) so there will be much cleaning & "un-Kiri-ing" of my apartment in the next 3 days. Its been over 24 hrs now since I have spoken with him & I don't think I will hear from him soon - stubborn Leo! I know that he is currently picking our friendship apart & finding every fault that he can with me - he does this with everyone in his life eventually. I just need to remember that I did the right thing & that it is truely better to be alone for the right reasons, than with someone for the wrong ones! This truth does not make the pain any easier though. I am aware & have focus again, so that is EXACTLY where I am supposed to be. Maybe "our" timing was good & all this is supposed to be - a not so gentle reminder that I have my own work to do. Peace to All K

Waking away from Grey Street.

Kiri — Tue, 23 May 2006 18:46:24 GMT

It has come to this, again. I cannot allow myself to be distracted from my path - the universe will not allow it anymore. Last night it became abundantly clear that I was just a doormat, and I don't feel like accepting this anymore. Your words & apologies mean nothing to me anymore, because your actions speak volumes more. I am a great friend & am proud of the people that I choose to call my friends. I don't feel that I ask too much from the people in my life - just common respect. It was very eye opening when I found out my other friends opinion of him - not good & especially not good for me. All signs point to my new horizon, yet I hoped he would join me there. I should have listened from the beginning - "I am the Devil", "I am a selfish man", "I don't deserve you" - ALL TOO TRUE!! Well, now I begin my schedule wiithout his distraction. It is all about ArBee, yoga, dance, writing & my art. These things bring me joy & I don't have to compete for their attention - they are always there for me. I need to love myself & take care of myself - cause if I don't who else will?? More tomorrow - just know I get it, no matter how much it hurts. Peace to All K

Big Flashing Signs!!

Kiri — Mon, 22 May 2006 19:33:48 GMT

I was wrong, he doesn't get me. Thats ok in the grand scheme I guess, but none the less - very disappointing. When a person lets you into their home & tries their best to make you feel welcome & cozy, should your repayment to them be - drunk, yelling, drunk, messy, drunk, verbally abusive?? I think not, end of story. Can I be firm? Can I hold my ground? Can I walk away? Can I trust ? I am just a push over for the pretty ones, no matter how messy they really are!! I will not ever keep my mouth shut in my home again. I just hoped for a bit of human respect - from a Leo... Peace to You... K

Rest...

Kiri — Fri, 19 May 2006 16:32:08 GMT

Finally, I couldn't wait to get to bed & then didn't want to leave this morning. Everything has softened, in the best way. I let go of the expectations of what "we" were doing & just enjoyed the time we have together - little did I know its the best thing I have ever done. I believe he is responding to the change in me & in his many little ways is trying to reaffirm my devotion to myself. I long for those sleepy hours tangled together, when he wimpers to be touched in his sleep, his breath soft & steady - then I move. We need not "connect" that way , I want to be fully in my body when we return to each others arms. I deserve it & so does he. He brings me blessings & music - he gets it and he gets me. I want to emerge from this a different animal - a strong & daring creature like none before!! All My Hope- The Caterpillar

In the beginning...

Kiri — Thu, 18 May 2006 20:36:38 GMT

There was a sudden wake-up call to live MY life. I am not blaming anyone for my delay in this realization, I was doing what I though was right. For years I have felt the call, but never answered - until now. To quote a dear man in my life - "You used to be cute....what happened to you?" I want that back - my spark, my joy. I will give myself over to the beat, collapse in its beauty - breathe & respond. I will know my beauty & embrace my rhythm. This is a very long time coming for me & I cannot be distracted by the chaos around me - devotion & discipline are my mentors now. In time I will post images that the world can understand about my path thus far, but until then know that I am changing into me.