After getting trashed and watching Conan (something I haven't done, in well, years), I realized something.



Maybe I'm not as well healed as I thought.



Perhaps I was only scabbed, waiting to be torn open again, and let the pus and the hatred and the belligerence pour out like raw sewage.



I want to punch something until my knuckles are raw and bleeding. I haven't felt that much need for realease in so many fucking years.



"I am Jack's raging psychosis..."

So, yeah, the thing I remember about graveyards... it's too quiet, and I can hear myself.



Maybe for many, that would be good. A healthy dose of self-reflection would do the world a huge chunk of good, in my opinion.



However, I've done this before, and I know enough that sometimes I think and doubt too much.



The "you should haves" and the "you never did do thats" tend to get loud and echoing, bouncing around the empty room.



Today's bit of angst was the job, of course, plus going over my credit history. I need to apply to the place, and I can't help but wonder if my bad credit will keep us from getting the home.



Can't help but feel I should be further down this path. Maybe if I had focused a bit more, struggled a bit more, I would be doing better.



Eh, bad thoughts. I did the best I could, and I fought hard every step of the way. I've survived things that would break other people in twain.



We'll make it. Just how much longer of the "struggle futilely now for a better future" I need to do.



D

linky bits



It does my heart good to read of such acts in the world.



D

I'm really glad I'm working.



But these hours are killing me.



The company, hopefully, will take off within a few months. Until then, I'm pretty much back to working security.



D

Hey, I have someone coming by to look at the kitty tonight!



Woot!



Here's hoping... I think they'd be a good match, too.



D