The Creator played a trick on the world (a very kind trick) by putting Samantha into the body of such a gorgeous woman. Much like hiding a tree in a forest, many overlook the beauty that is Samantha hidden in the beauty that is her vessel.

Samantha gives me hope for the human race. She has managed to do with her life in 20 short years what most cannot do in a lifetime. She has somehow dodged the slings and arrows of life that steal innocence and give us only scars and pain and fear in return. Yet somehow she has also grown into the wisdom and self-awareness of someone thrice her age. Never have I seen such light and strength and awareness all in one person.

She craves not because she is hungry but because she loves the taste of life on her lips. She seeks not because she is missing something but because she understands the Game. Samantha wanders not because she is lost but because she knows exactly who she is.

Knowing Samantha is humbling. What does it say about me when one of my greatest role models and inspirations is nine years my junior and just on the cusp of adulthood? I can't help it. She makes me want to be a better person.

Want to be amazed? Discover her.

Want to be humbled? Know her.

You ever seen “Girls Gone Wild?” Well that shit’s like romper room compared to the mischief this girl can pull off on a nightly basis. Life been a little dull lately? Need a little more excitement? Well maybe I’ll let you borrow her and you can end up like I did this morning, gently sipping on a cup of jasmine tea while rubbing a sore spot on your left buttock, which bears the dental imprints of a certain sexy little witch. You can’t be having a bad night when a hot girl rips your pants down, bends you over, and uses your ass as a chew toy.

To say that Sam is “one of a kind” is an understatement on par with calling Moby Dick a big fish. You got to meet her to believe it. Wussies, mamas boys, and people with congenital heart defects, need not apply.

I've known Sam for fourty-eight years.

The bitch is hot.

One time deep in the jungles I was walking point and we got jumped--I mean it was a full on ambush. I was shot seven times and then all of a sudden, Sam is standing over me with her trademark cigar and eyepatch and she says, "don't shiv. balls nasty."
and she throws me over her shoulder while she's wailing with her guitar and runs me to the helicopter which was blown up from like, a thousand flying monkeys with knives. So she pulls out the duct tape and fixes the chopper and we were like, flying out of there going 'Wooo!' and 'holy shit!'

Sam is going to have a lot of babies.