The weight of a Hummingbird

Liz — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 05:35:44 GMT

The most remarkable thing happened while I was helping Jenny acquire the materials for the potted garden of her dreams. We were at the crazy big Long's by CCA(c) with two carts full of herbs, seeds, and pots in the enormously long checkout line. I had noticed that there were a lot of sparrows inside the store, which always makes me sad because they almost invariably end up dying underneath the glare of fluorescent lights for lack of food and water, confused and frightened. As we were standing in line and I was considering how low my blood sugar was because we hadn't eaten lunch, an exhausted little humming bird floated down and landed on one of the indoor plants for sale. I immediately thought: my blood sugar is fine, that little hummer's is not, and walked over to it, gently picked it up and walked outside the store. She was so out of it that she didn't even attempt to struggle or fly away - as you may know, hummers have to feed constantly to maintain their out of control metabolism. I was able to get the person working outside to fetch some water, while I was waiting I went back inside to pay for the garden materials (questions like debit or credit seem so ludicrous with a dying hummingbird in one's hand). The water showed up and I placed her slender beak in the liquid and she did nothing for what seemed like forever, but just as i thought she might be too far gone her little tongue began flicking in the water (I learned that hummers have a forked tongue while holding one in my hand!). When she was finished she puffed out her feathers - an amazing thing it is to feel those tiny iridescent things poof out against your skin! However, she was still too weak to really take off on her own. Jenny was able to get some hummingbird food at this point - I couldn't tell if she was able to take any of it in because her tongue never flicked out again, but it looked like she was perhaps swallowing. When I went to set her down in the quietest place I could find I tried tipping her beak into the cup of nectar but she was too limp to keep it propped in place. I was getting ready to leave her and accept the fact that at least she would get to die outside and not trapped in the store when she rallied and flew away to the nearest high perch in a potted fruit tree. What an amazing moment that was, to realize that i probably just saved a hummingbird's life. They are so special to me, I feel like they are my personal greeters for when i start my work day I almost always see one going about it's business in whatever garden I happen to be working in. A couple of years ago when Jenny and I were installing my senior show I found a dead one on a high ledge that had gotten trapped inside the gallery space and couldn't get out. I felt so sad about it's end that I actually tucked its tiny body in a special spot in my piece. To save one from a similar fate felt incredibly cathartic. Apart from rescuing hummingbirds, gardening constantly, and working on two major collaborative art projects I've got just enough time left over to do my laundry and spend a little time with people i care about. There is a long list of things to do in addition to these things and last weekend i nearly lost it and had a nervous breakdown (incidentally at that same Long's) trying to think about when to squeeze everything in. Fortunately I was able to calm myself down. Its really hard working 5 days a week as a gardener, by the end of the day I typically have barely enough energy to feed myself and take a shower before crashing out with a book and my cat in bed. I've realized that I need to start being productive in the evenings after work. I've approached this change by keeping my expectations low - if i can attend to one thing on my list during one night after work a week I'll be satisfied, more than one and I'm doing really well. So far so good - its been a lot like what Isaac said: the more I do the more energy I have. A lot of it has to do with preventing the weight of the list from weighing too heavily on the back of my mind. Each thing I attend to makes me feel lighter, and lighter - the pressure goes away and I can sleep at night without anxiety dreams and see during the day without an eye twitch. I feel like my whole life I've been frantically saying to the universe: I just want to live! The night of my 25th birthday party, surrounded by some of my favorite people from so many different places in my life, as the raspberries went flying off the beautiful cake Jenny made for me because it was being sliced with a samurai sword, i realized that finally - finally, my lifelong wish had been granted. I'm living, engaging with life in the way I've always dreamed, and i'm loving it. With the feline love of my life contentedly sprawled out next to me as I write this, a full day behind me and a full day ahead of me, things like needing to do my taxes don't wear on me like they used to. I think, well, what is missing in this full life? Perhaps a romantic partner? Yeah sure, but no big rush, right now being single feels pretty liberating, I figure I'll meet someone in the middle of some great adventure, or simply while watering plants on my front stoop (which also, incidentally, is also a great adventure). Now that the momentum in my life has gotten things going in good directions I no longer feel the need to push too hard with some things. Life is good.

Its time for: 'Deep Thoughts'...

The weight of a Hummingbird