My first day in a dress was also my last day in a diaper.





As far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a girl. From my earliest childhood memories I felt this way. Although it was not until I was about 5 years old that I became aware of the differences between boys and girls. My grandma told when I was a child, I was always wearing her clothes. Whenever I would spend the night at her house, the first thing I would do was put on a dress and play on the front porch. She always thought it was amusing – even years later whenever she would tell anybody about it, she would always relate the story with a smile on her face.



When I was 5, my two aunts - who were about 12 and 14 at the time -- decided to punish me for having cried the night before. They babysat my two younger brothers and I while my mother worked a 10-hour shift as a cashier six days a week due to the fact my father had left us when I was three years old.



My aunts made the big announcement over breakfast. They said since I acted like a baby the night before that they were going to treat me like a baby. About an hour later I was outside playing with my two younger brothers. It was a summer day and we had a big yard so there were several other kids from the neighborhood in our yard, too. I had almost forgotten about what my aunts had said when all of a sudden, my aunt Trisha opened the back door and called me inside the house. She told my brothers and the other kids to come inside, too. By that time a girlfriend of theirs had arrived at the house.



My aunts and their girlfriend made me take my clothes off and lie on the floor and told everybody what a baby I was and that they needed to help them look through the house for a diaper. After about 20 minutes of everybody frantically searching through the house for a diaper without finding one, my aunt Trina finally suggested they form one out of a white dishtowel. So they did. In front of my brothers and friends, they put me in a diaper and made me crawl back outside. For the next 4 hours I was made to play outside in a diaper. The other kids were told to baby-sit me and make sure I didn't do anything dangerous like trying to walk or run or ride a tricycle. Every once in a while my aunts would come out and check if I had peed or pooped my diaper.



Then about 1 p.m. they brought us all in the house for lunch. Of course, all the other kids got to eat peanutbuter and jelly while I had to drink milk from a baby bottle. After lunch, they sent the other kids home and put my younger brothers down for a nap. I usually had to take a nap at that time, too, but they said since I had been such a good baby they had a surprise for me.



The surprise was that since I insisted on crying the night before they made a mistake in assuming I was a baby. But I proved to them I was not, by acting my age all morning long. So they apologized about treating me like a baby and said that it was an honest mistake. They said I was crying the night before, not because I was a baby, but instead, I was a girl, so for their big surprise, they asked me if I wanted to wear a blue dress or a pink dress. They said boys usually wear blue dresses while girls wear pink dresses.



"A pink dress," I whispered, afraid to say a blue dress.



"Really, we thought you would say a blue dress, but we're glad you said a pink dress because we couldn't find a blue dress." So they put me in a pink dress with a pink bow in my hair and gave me a doll and sent me out to the front yard to play. About an hour later an older boy rode by the house on his bike and he waved. I was too embarrassed to wave back. My aunt saw this and said I was very rude, so she made me stand on the edge of our yard for the next hour and wave at every car that went by.



The whole time, I still had my diaper on under my dress. Eventually I wet my diaper. Later on when they called me back into the house they changed my diaper and told me to wait in the bathroom (as this is where they changed my diaper). They said they had some friends coming over to meet me. After what seemed like an hour, I was still laying on the bathroom floor. I took my diaper off and stark naked snuck downstairs, tiptoeing so as not to be heard.



I climbed in my bed in the fetal position, sucking my thumb and didn't get out of bed for several days. It was a very mortifying experience.



I was devastated by the whole experience; yet, at the same time, it was the most important day of my life. Ever since I can remember, I felt that I wanted to be a girl. But I couldn't possibly tell anybody. In our family, and in those days, boys were punished and ridiculed for showing any signs of femininity. On this day I was given that opportunity to be a girl. I felt that the whole world from that day forward could tell just by looking at me that I had been forced to wear a diaper and a dress outside that day. I felt people could see into my head as over and over again I relived that day, reliving the pleasure and the mortifying humiliation all at once, while feeling both hatred and love towards my aunts and their friends for what they had done to me.



I know the reason I have a fetish for capped sleeves is somehow tied to this day as I remember how beautiful my aunts and their friend looked. It was a hot summer day and they were all three wearing shorts and capped sleeved blouses of varying styles. They were my tormentors, yet I wanted to be a girl just like them. From that day forward I would, whenever possible, sneak into their bedroom or go to the laundry room and try on their clothes. I always feared being caught but secretly hoped I would be caught and that they would force me to be a girl as punishment.



What foolishness I had as a child.