So here I sit on the edge of something in my head that I can't describe, but I'm going to try anyway.

Once in a while the vale of self doubt and the frantic running that goes on in most peoples heads just lifts and goes away for a magical moment or two.

So much of our lives and self perception is based on this struggle that we ourselves make up in our own minds. I wish I didn't have so much baggage hanging around in my head and heart, but at the same time part of my experience is what composes what I am now. We all need love, yet we all seem to make it into this crazy game that men and women play. Everyone including myself has been guilty of worrying about getting our own cookie that we screw up the simple beauty of it. If you are worried about what someone in your past did, you may rob what someone is doing for you right now. Too much time I have spent being hurt. Now counts.

So much of my life has been spent dealing with bitterness about past events, and who did what to whom. Now I am lucky enough to have a woman that comes to me and offers pure love. She seems to have innocence about it. Dreamie approaches me with an almost complete lack of baggage. I on the other hand have had more baggage than your average train load. I try to come to her without it complicating things, but inevitably it does. Sure my experience allows me to avoid rocks. The problem is that it poisons the good times to be had right in front of you. Life is too short to stay bitter. I'm finding it's better to leave my baggage at the door than to bring it into this relationship. Easier said than done.

I'm not monogamist, I'm just in love. I know better than to pretend to be monogamist if it does not come naturally. I have seen too many people try to pretend they are something they are not only to have the lack of honesty with themselves to kick their own asses. In the end your own nature wins out.

I guess what I'm getting at is that in the learning process that I'm going through; I can feel my own nature changing. It's always happening, but rarely are we aware of it. Hopefully I will become a better man. I'm blessed with having a girl that seems to have more patience than anyone I have ever been with. She seems to stick by me knowing exactly who I am, and loving me for exactly that. We all say that we just want someone that accepts us for who we are, but the problem is that we are not always aware of who we are in the first place. I'm trying to figure that part out. Perhaps I'm trying to figure out who I'm becoming.