Illusions in a relationship..... Just a random brain dump...

Inclusion, Acceptance, Tolerance... things that I very often find online and in some of the communities I'm linked to here....
Sadly, some of those same attributes are weak in my own relationship with my wife of 22 yrs... we have been best friends, lovers, adventurers, and parents... it has been good (mostly). Things have changed in the past 5 to 8 years... there is more judgement, less friendship, even less sexual energy.... and much higher stress..... multiple causes.... but also some choices by each of us....

I have continued to explore areas of interest to me both online and more recently in reality... D/s BDSM and such
I have always had an inkling that this was a part of me... now I know it is.

I feel it is a crucial point... I want to include her... to share my facinations... and fantasies.... but even when the most innocent suggestion is made... the judgement is forthcoming in a powerful NEGATIVE way.... I dare not push things.... what the hell do I do???

Fortunately I have a few good friends that can relate... and I'm finding more.... also seeking the wisdom of some excellent books that have been refered to me....

In many ways.. it feels like we are "un-coupling" more than we are maintain the status-quo... this is disappointing to me.
Many times I wonder what I'd do if the binds of family and close friends were not there to compell me to stay.... when I look forward... I am disheartened because I do NOT want to be in the relationship "like it is now" in the years ahead... it either must be improved, or changed, or ended. Life is all too short and all to precious to watch it slip by like that.

I recognize my relationship is a true investment of my life energy... I have been working to sustain it.... I seek to include her with "all of me", the option to "open" the relationship is currently untenable to her... and the negative energy and even bitterness is painful when all I hear is critical judgement. I recognize that "what I hear" may be tainted by my own opinions and attitudes... but it has been heard by others too.

IF anyone reads this and has some suggestions or relevant experiences please feel welcome to share you advice, suggestions, or experiences. Regards.

So you want to get to know me.... ok... don't say I didn't warn you....

Took this little personalitiy type quiz.... these type tests (Meyers Briggs) are often used in HR areas and schools for helping place people with specific personality groupings that tend to fit different needs....

I am an ENTP... Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving - ENTP
60% Extraversion, 66% Intuition, 66% Thinking, 33% Judging

They often have a perverse sense of humour, and play devil's advocate regardless of consequence. They sometimes confuse, even hurt, those who cannot understand the concept of argument as a sport. ENTPs are optimists. ENTPs have a tolerance for, and enjoyment of the complex. Enthusiastic, ENTPs are apt to express interest in everything, and thus unwittingly inspire others who find themselves caught up in an ENTP idea. The ENTP is the most reluctant of all types to do things in a traditional manner.

Below are a couple of summaries of the ENTP Personality type:

#1
ENTP -- Often considered a PRICK!

People love to hate you, because you love to argue. The strange thing
is you probably took that as a compliment. Why, I bet you've already
got a witty comeback all lined up ready to throw right back at me.

What you don't realise is that your inane obsession with debating
pisses everyone off. Whatever happened to us all trying to get alone? I
mean, you're so annoying people disagree with you for the damn sake of
it! NOBODY cares about your abundant opinions. Trust me.

Believe it or not, but there's more to life than your expansive
knowledge and sharp repertoire. When was the last time you Brushed your teeth?

While you're up in Nevernever land, getting excited over future
possibilities and your crazy theories, WE have to put up with your
awful stench. I can smell you from here.

Your personality is ideal for that of a future lawyer and because everyone already hates you, you have nothing to lose.

#2
A more Professional summary of Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving - ENTP (Credit this write up to by Marina Margaret Heiss)

"Clever" is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best. The professor who juggles half a dozen ideas for research papers and grant proposals in his mind while giving a highly entertaining lecture on an abstruse subject is a classic example of the type. So is the stand-up comedian whose lampoons are not only funny, but incisively accurate.

ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue--both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills. They tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil's advocate. They sometimes confuse, even inadvertently hurt, those who don't understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport.

ENTPs are as innovative and ingenious at problem-solving as they are at verbal gymnastics; on occasion, however, they manage to outsmart themselves. This can take the form of getting found out at "sharp practice"--ENTPs have been known to cut corners without regard to the rules if it's expedient -- or simply in the collapse of an over-ambitious juggling act. Both at work and at home, ENTPs are very fond of "toys"--physical or intellectual, the more sophisticated the better. They tend to tire of these quickly, however, and move on to new ones.

ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they tend to become extremely petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they tend to regard as challenges, and tackle with determin- ation.) ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. However, they do tend to be extremely genial, if not charming, when not being harassed by life in general.

In terms of their relationships with others, ENTPs are capable of bonding very closely and, initially, suddenly, with their loved ones. Some appear to be deceptively offhand with their nearest and dearest; others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who've only seen their professional side. ENTPs are also good at acquiring friends who are as clever and entertaining as they are. Aside from those two areas, ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity, except as an audience -- good, bad, or potential.


ENTP are about 5% of the population. There are 16 personality types are mixes of the following....

Introverted or Extraverted

Sensing or iNtuitive

Feeling or Thinking

Perceiving or Judging

If you want to see how you fit in this picture check out this.... www.okcupid.com/tests/take