As I approach graduation next month, the many choices for my next step almost make me dizzy. To think I will hold a Master's degree in something I had no formal education in only 5 years ago... Do I act with responsibility and take that extra year to finish my Doctorate immediately, in chronologic sense, continuing on as expected? Do I take that break that calls me, and get outta Dodge while I can still claim to be a student, putting life and loans on hold for the sake of my sanity and a change of pace? If I do that, is it for the "right" choice, of an internship at a well known and resume building experience, or is it to satisfy my emotional wants as I act as nanny to my neice and nephew, or to satisfy my soul's hunger for adventure on a tryst in Mexico? Ahh, I lean toward Mexico, have already chosen the Spanish Immersion school and can justify the experience with volunteering or working at a clinic in need.... But wait, do I have to justify this decision? Arrghh! All options are in front of me, waiting for me to choose. I cannot. I want them all. Am I scared to do any of them? This upcoming graduation marks a milestone, a reward for my last 5 years of hard work. It only makes sense to march on, and finish. But I also realize the freedom being a student grants me, and would to extend this association only to really live again and welcome changes as they are offered... To nanny again as I did before becoming a nurse is perceived as a step back, but it is my family, and I see my sister totter on the edge of major exhaustion with 2 kids in diapers and no sleep - I would be only helping... But Mexico awaits, or should it be Guatemala, or should it be West Africa as my father hoped... No, not West Africa if the point is to be in Language Immersion, it is Spanish I want to gain, my handle on French may be slight but it is there nonetheless. You see how I am stuck here, choices all around and not a one wins. Well, actually Mexico wins. But then I have to stop being scared to do it. Is this idea of Mexico because I really want to do it? Yes, and the change would do me good... how much of this is influenced by an unrequited love for my Mexican pseudo-boyfriend who won't let me love for fear of a broken heart? Am I making an attempt in vain to further understand a man? That is no reason to walk away from school obligations... but no, I don't think that is it. I am so confused... What to do what to do what to do!?!? I feel some choice must be made. It only makes sense when looking at other events in my life: Graduation in May. Commitment only to a summer online class to finish this leg of the program and a lease up in July. Everything is lined up perfectly to step away for a bit. But do I have the courage? And can I make the choice? Here I am in my own maze, each choice offering an opportunity for growth, one clearly more than the rest, and I think I might be scared. As I approach my own life goals, I should jump in with both feet. When will I be able to travel freely again? This may be the deciding factor after all. Once I am really finished, with 100 grand in loans to repay, I may be chained to my work. But that again, is a fear based reaction to a possibllity... Oh, if I were a praying woman I suppose I would ask for guidance in that way. Somehow I must come to terms with my options... And the ongoing babble in my head is not unlike the babble here on this page... as I go round and round and round on this.