it's leaking out

pressure from behind the damn, building up, i can feel it wanting to break out, break out beyond the boundaries of society, run into the night, under the stars, wet grass on my feet, a cold nose, and a loud triumpant heart beat. escape, escape from what? why escape? because i'm already caught, i was born caught up in a system, a system of legalized robbery by the right of private property, a system where watching movies, television, and sports reigns over doing things yourself, where symbol replace real life experience.
uhhh this feeling, this feeling of no feeling, of too much feeling, that accumulates when i have a lack of live music, a lack of intelligent conversation, a lack of doing things myself, this feelings comes when am forced to wake up to an alarm clock at 5:30 to be to work at 6:30, when i get told i have to shave because i'm a girl, and hair offends the costumers, when i'm surrounding by humans who have been dehumanized into shoppers, who spend hours talking about this product, and that product, and "oh i love to buy things" it gives me the sensation of hopelessness, why try? but then i remember that revolution is about MY LIFE, not the masses.
and him....
i don't get it, you hate your job, yet you drink away your pay checks, thus perpetuating your wage-slavery, why not not drink, and work less?
i don't get how watching the lakers play on television is appealing, ONE BASKETBALL TEAM, one fucking basketball team has 8973249827482 fans? they play a game, and the whole nation watches
well i want to live in a world where there are friends, not fans, where they aren't these plastic idols
i'm going to explode, no implode, i always implode if i don't get out of here soon....
painting isn't enough
reading isn't enough
i need a community
i try to build one, but see people are under this illusion that they already live in a community
why can't you see that communities no longer exist when you're afraid of your own neighbors, when food comes from half way around the world, and growing your own is illegal, or impossible, when everyone is working against each other, looking out for themselves, instead of freely cooperating with each other?????
jesus christ i need to go for a walk, spend some time chillen in the woods, by myself, although since i do date you, you should be with me, but you don't think like i do, i can't talk to you about the stuff i wonder about.
this has been the ruin of every relationship i've ever been in, not having similar interest, not being able to converse with each other because it's as if we live in two entirely different worlds
but i do like you, if you could just shake off a few of your bourgeoise habits
gues what?
i like smelling filthy, looking dirty, i'd rathe just sit here and stink than smother myself in creams and lotions that are advertised to appeal to self-confidense, and esteem.
guess \\\\\\\\\\\sdddddddddd

circumstancial evidence

It's a nightly ritual, my mother and uncle sit at the dinning room table discussing their work day over smoking a bowl. He'll spend his entire day off with his friend television, and she'll clean as if she's trying to scrub the house holy.
In my room alone I gaze at my walls covered with painted emotion, recalling past memories with people who were once my world, and now, now they're not even in my world. I have only myself, everything else is transient. My thoughts roll over me like waves in an ocean. I promise myself to never be like them...they work all day, their physical and mental energies drained they live vicariously through passive entertainment. Their only options being in what product to buy, or what to watch on tv. This culture is not my culture. I feel like the little outcast nerdy girl I once was in middle school. My friends are entagled in the spider web of work, and college. I feel the gulf grow when I say no to playing video games because I don't get enjoyment out of sitting around starring at a screen, not talking. When I say no to going out to eat because I can't afford it, and would rather hit up the dumpster down the street. I hardly get any satisfaction from hanging out with any of them. I'm craving something, desiring anything. An escape into freedom. I want to live in a tribe.
Where are you all?