My Blog

Be Thankful

   Thu, December 9, 2010 - 5:58 AM
A year ago someone on tribe pointed out this website to me - baggagereclaim.com. I haven't checked it out in months... looked today and found this entry. A must read for those of us who are hurting or have been hurt relationally.

She hits a lot of areas that are still sore spots for me. But, gratitude through tears is my new favorite emotion.
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Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers! Wherever you are today, sometimes it’s good to reflect on the experiences that we have and find something to be thankful for.

*Be thankful that they didn’t show up.* They’re teaching you who they really are and that’s not someone who deserves the time of day from you.

*Be thankful they haven’t called you up since you started No Contact. * You cut contact for a reason and even if they did call, it’s unlikely to cancel out the pain you’ve experienced or meet your expectations.

*Be thankful they let you down* – you can adjust your expectations of them now.

*Be thankful they haven’t left their wife/husband/partner.* If your relationship is based on lies and they’ve kept you waiting around while they make up their mind about what they’re doing, they’re doing you a favour. You just don’t realise it yet.

*Be thankful that you set boundaries.* They’re giving you self-respect and even though it may feel uncomfortable initially, especially when people who expect to get their way can’t and don’t, stick with it, because in the medium and long-term, you will reap the rewards by being in situations and around people that reflect a more positive you.

*Be thankful that you didn’t judge a book by its cover* and you decided to go on a second, third etc date with someone who didn’t set off fireworks as soon as you met like all your exes did.

*Be thankful that they ignored your call or email.* You’ll thank yourself later for not being sucked back into the cycle all over again.

*Be thankful that you’re single.* Don’t treat it like that pain in the bum time between relationships. Enjoy it and discover and love you independently of a relationship so that you don’t shortchange yourself in the future.

*Be thankful that they consistently show you who they are.* It’s now your job to accept them and stop hoping that they’ll become the person you thought they were or live up to potential you’ve forseen in them.

*Be thankful for the experiences* - good, bad, or indifferent. Relationships serve to teach us about ourselves. There’s a lot of lessons in there and you’ll find they won’t repeat themselves if you pay attention!

*Be thankful that you said NO. * Even though it took you out of your comfort zone to not be so agreeable, recognise that saying YES would have had you busting your own boundaries, going against your own values, or just doing something that you don’t want to do.

*Be thankful that you’ve learned to say NO and set limits.* It opens you up to saying more genuine, positive YES’s. You are not a Yes Person. You’re Not a Doormat. It’s OK to say NO.

*Be thankful for the bad times* because they teach you to appreciate and recognise the good times.

*Be thankful that they’ve moved on. * Yeah it hurts but it’s the kick up the bum that says it’s time to shift up a gear and move on with your own life.

*Be thankful you didn’t wait around.* You’d still be waiting.

*Be thankful for time.* Even though we don’t know how much time we have left, the point is that we have it. Use it wisely. Value it.

*Be thankful that they beat it* after you said you wouldn’t sleep with them when you hardly even know them. Better they reveal their true motives now instead of Future Faking to get what they want and then beating it anyway.

*Be thankful for all the people who are happy, loving, and trying in healthier relationships.* If they can do it, you can too.

*Be thankful that even though you get a little panicky* at times, they’re still there loving and believing in you and you’re trusting in your new relationship.

*Be thankful they didn’t want you* when they realised they couldn’t take advantage of you or abuse you. It’s not because you’re not good enough for them to change; they are who they are.

*Be thankful that you found out that they were not who they claimed to be *or acted like they were. Whenever you found out and dealt with the consequences, at least you found out.

*Be thankful that they embarrassed or humiliated you* for the last time because it is the last time, isn’t it?

*Be thankful that they didn’t value you* because you get to learn and appreciate your own value.

*Be thankful that they said they wanted to break up with you. * Seriously. A lot of people don’t have the balls and decency to be honest and will stay with you while feeling half-hearted interest, enjoying the fringe benefits, and looking out for the next person. It hurts but you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t value you and the relationship enough to want to put themselves in and work at it. I know it hurts but don’t sell yourself short by preferring to be in a relationship that’s struggling than none at all. Believe there is better for you.

*Be thankful for the small, medium, and large things in life.*

*Be thankful that you have options* even if you don’t always realise it.

*Be thankful that sometimes people will tell you the truth* even if you don’t want to hear it.

*Be thankful that there are people around you, whether they’re family, friends, or colleagues, or a ‘special somebody’, that give a damn about you.* Look up from your pain and remember them.

*Be thankful for your health.* If you’ve let it slide in the name of love, take care of it.

*Be thankful for assclowns.* They’re a blessing in disguise. They’re not teaching you that you’re unlovable – they’re teaching you that you need to love yourself.

*Be thankful for the internet.* You’ve got to discover Baggage Reclaim, (LE Tribe!) that you’re not alone, that it’s not a ‘unique’, unheard of situation, and that you haven’t ‘done’ something to cause someone to be whoever they are.

Sometimes it’s good to remind ourselves of what we have to be thankful for, because it’s all too easy to focus on what we don’t have or what we think we won’t have if we let go of something or someone that causes us pain.





7 Comments

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Unsu...
 
Thu, December 9, 2010 - 6:42 AM
Thanks, RD. Seems like a good site. These two seem especially good to remember in regards to limerence. In the end feeling gratitude for what is, not what is lacking, is really where the peace is. Everyone has something to offer and sometimes we just don't want to see it when it is surrounded by such shitty behavior. In the end, it is up to us to love ourselves well and look after our own well-being. BTW, I think that term assclown is hysterical. Is this a UK site? Bunny, do you use assclown? I'm not quite sure what it means (maybe how we just use ass or asswipe?) but I am seeing a clown with one of those tie on naked bums on for some ridiculous reason. I don't think my brain is really all that literal, but go figure... :D


*Be thankful that they consistently show you who they are.* It’s now your job to accept them and stop hoping that they’ll become the person you thought they were or live up to potential you’ve forseen in them.

*Be thankful for the experiences* - good, bad, or indifferent. Relationships serve to teach us about ourselves. There’s a lot of lessons in there and you’ll find they won’t repeat themselves if you pay attention!
RD
RD
online 34
Thu, December 9, 2010 - 7:25 AM
I LOVE the term assclown, too.

Here's how she defines it: www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-t...clown/
Thu, December 9, 2010 - 8:29 PM
The term @ssclown is bizarre, makes me think of evil clowns from Steven King movies. Some of the stuff on that site in the "you know he's an @ssclown when...." stuff is brilliant, in a scary way.

This is a great list, and true for so many facets of our lives.

I hope everyone is well. I know I have been a little quiet, after not getting to see LO recently, I did get into a bit of a slump and exacerbated by a bout of PMS. Made a pathetic attempt to go LC, crumbled, had a bit of a lim rollercoaster and now have settled down to some sort of level of peace. For now!

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!!

Squoo xox
Fri, December 10, 2010 - 7:20 PM
I enjoyed this! This author found a ton to be thankful for in what we would normally think is a crappy situation with 0 to be thankful for.
RD
RD
online 34
Sat, December 11, 2010 - 4:57 AM
Yes! Isn't it great! And she's right!

I really appreciate that she refers to people who care for us and tell us to "look up from our pain and remember them". I've been trying to do that more often.
Unsu...
 
Sat, December 11, 2010 - 1:23 PM
Squirrel said:
The term @ssclown is bizarre, makes me think of evil clowns from Steven King movies.

EXACTLY what I pictured, too. :) Like one of those creepy Chuckie dolls that comes to life or something - painted on smile on that rigid face.
Sat, December 11, 2010 - 2:40 PM
Hi girls

Assclown isn't a term we would use here in the UK, but I totally "get" what you mean by the term! So although the word doesn't exist this side of the pond, the people to whom it refers certainly do!

Bun