My Blog

room for rent at the Chez Poulet

Chicken — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 21:27:14 GMT

Lemme know if you need a temperary room... I got one... chicken

Camp Tipsy

Chicken — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 04:32:16 GMT

Camp Tipsy is a camping trip with some entertainment and dumb boats. Everyone is welcome to come. You can come for a day or a week. It starts tomorrow. It's a donation, there is no set fee. We have build some interesting floating vessels. Dogs and kids are welcome. Camp Tipsy is located at East Park Reservoir near the town of Lagoda, California. It's like 120 miles north of SF. Take 80 East towards Des Moines. Merge onto 505 following signs to Winters. 505 dumps you out onto I 5. You'll be taking I 5 north past Arbuckle. Past Williams. Just before the exit for Maxwell, you'll see a brown sign. East Park Reservoir. Take the exit and make a left. Drive through the town of Maxwell west. The speed limit is 25 MPH through town. There is a store there, on your left. Drive about 9 miles, until you get to a "T". Make a right. Go about 10 miles over hill and dale. Make your last cell phone call. You'll enter the "town" of Lagoda. Make sure you sing "Welcome to Lagoda. La-g-o-go-go-da" to the tune of "Lola". There will be a little RV park on your right. 200 feet after the sign that says: "200 feet entrance to East Park Reservoir" is the entrance to East Park Reservoir. I measured it. It's exactly 200 feet. Go into the park. Read all the signs. Drive slow, don't kick up dust. Don't go left. There are a bunch of little camping places to the left. Stay on the main road. We’ll be in one of those little camping places. I’ll have signs posted that say “Camp Tipsy”. My phone works there, a little. Texting totally works. Phone is sketchy. We don’t have a reservation, it’s first come first serve. We’ll hold space for people, but there is plenty of room. There is no water, but we have a generator. There is no amplified sound, so bring a ukulele. We have a kitchen and tons of basics. Ritual is providing coffee and paddleboats. There is a BBQ. We have a table that 50 people can sit at. If you have any Burning Man LED lights or whatever they are called please bring them to share. I want to light the boats at night and stuff. If you have any paddles or life vests, bring 'em, we're short. We're short and we need some paddles and some life jackets. We will be blessed by an appearance by the Jascha Eiphram Floating Library performing a set at sunset on Saturday night. It's a 5 piece string quartet that will perform for the setting sun and dinner. That'll be awesome... Bring ice!!! For you and to share!! Dogs are cool, kids are great, bring a bike... BYOB for the floating bar (we built a floating bar, bitches!!!!!) , and some to share. Bring veggies, meat, crackers, cheese, marshmallows, candy, a blender, ice cream and a towel. Sunblock. People magazine. Fishing pole. Firewood. Beer. We're out of beer already and we havn't even got there yet... We have a shade structure, but if you have one that would be a good thing to bring… There's sketchy cell service and no WiFi. That girl your flirting with on Myspace is a guy anyway. Dude. There are like 60 people or so confirmed. Last time there were like 80. I’m guessing that we’ll have like 50 or so. Not that it matters. It’d be fun if you were there alone… Here is the rideshare board... http://tribes.tribe.net/camptipsy Ten Reasons To Go To Camp Tipsy 1. The Hot Tub Boat 2. Giant Floating Clams 3. Ritual Coffee Roaster Paddleboat Armada 4. The Bar Barge 5. Coors Light and Truck Innertubes 6. See the Motors and Boats for the Hudson River Project 7. To Throw Dogs Into The Lake 8. To Annoy Rednecks 9. To Hang Out With Chicken Because You Never Do That 10. The Hudson River Project Needs Money, And This Is the Fundraiser 11. It’s totally fun!!! Generous donations in cash on site are appreciated. There is a great group of people shaping up. It's time to have the fun. chicken

ASK DR. HAL # 9! OUR LAST SHOW of the Season!

Chicken — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 08:00:42 GMT

MONDAY, APRIL 28th, 2008! The FINAL ASK DR. HAL Show! WE’VE HAD A GOOD RUN… IT’S BEEN FUN… & NOW… Are You ready for… KrOB’s Ultimate Edit - “Fear in the Fog” a Monumental, Mighty Monster Mash-up? AT 12 GALAXIES--- 2565 MISSION ST. AT 22ND With Dr. Hal, KrOB, Chicken John, David Capurro, Pete Goldie, Frank Chu-- & Mystery Guests! Catch us ONE MORE MONDAY at 9:00 PM during APRIL! (MARK YOUR CALENDAR!) [ A D V E R T I S E M E N T ] BUY a SIGNED PRINT of Dr. HAL ART (All proceeds go to artist. Scroll to bottom of page.) OUR PRICE: $8.00 (CHEAP) … THE DR. HAL REPORT ... Vol. VIII No. 9 of 9 OUR LAST SHOW O F T H E S E A S O N Ask of me whatsoever thou wilt, and I will give it thee. --Mark 6:22 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: San Francisco (April 28th) – The Ask Dr. Hal! Show, after eight memorable performances, has come to its last episode of the present run. The remaining time to experience the long-running night club stage sensation has dwindled to a single remaining opportunity to come see our concluding and greatest production-- and behold a KrOB “edit” which nicely sums up his showcasing of all things monstrous and alien. KrOB, that reclusive and adroit manipulator of iconic vignettes mined from deep veins of cryptic popular culture, now lifts one corner of the veil to reveal the ultimate horror of the full-bore, chaotic Monster Apocalypse as a special feature for our audience. Intrigued? Our show is broadcast every Wednesday night on Pirate Cat Radio (84.9 FM on your radio dial) from 10:00 to Midnight (and as a podcast whenever you want), but if you want to see, as opposed to just hear this incredible, horrible soul-freezing featurette, a staple of the oft celebrated and award-winning (in the Bay Guardian and Playboy Online), Ask Dr. Hal! show, you really owe it to yourself to toddle on down to 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd. Yes, just as in the days of the late, great Odeon Bar, the tradition of Monster Attacks continues to the very end, gleefully presented by the one and only KrOB. As in previous shows, every effort is being made to preserve those elements which have so often proven themselves in the arena of public attendance. You better believe it. But, starting off… FRANK CHU to OPEN SHOW with VIGOROUS, VACUOUS VERBOSITY! What’s supposed to happen is that before every show, by special arrangement, perennial pest/holy man Frank Chu, protest sign grasped firmly in hand, the man after whose opaque rantings the 12 Galaxies night club itself is named, will ascend the stage and (figuratively speaking) shout his barbaric yawp, in the famous phrase. And if he shows up, you can absolutely depend on Frank to deliver-- deliver a rapid-fire, curiously unimpassioned, incomprehensible bromide, that is. This diatribe mentions various members of the U.S.Govt. and beings from numerous other worlds as members of a vast, over-arching Conspiracy. But could he be right? Maybe it’s all just too big to grasp. At any rate, he’s often, of late, been a no-show. Will he be present for this, the last of these shows? It’s all in the lap of the Gods. Come see (and hear) for yourself… CHICKEN JOHN'S MONOLOGUE SETS the SCENE! Chicken John doesn’t pull his punches. The charismatic former San Francisco Mayoral candidate (and future Supervisoral candidate), having developed his powers of unscripted improvisation during far-flung junkets in Fiji and mysterious, if tormented Tibet, starts us raucously rolling as he shares his thoughts at the beginning of every show, putting the crowd in a receptive mood, choosing his musings on life, strife, love, talk thereof, politics, parlor tricks and the true meaning of “greening.” And then… PETE GOLDIE presents: MYSTERIES of UNKNOWN WORLDS! Pete Goldie, a scientific Colossus, has his head in the clouds, even beyond them in the endless reaches of space --but his feet are planted firmly on the ground. Not an Astrologer, but an Astronomer (don’t let Chicken John pull your leg), he is an eager auditor of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of extraterrestrial objects & planetary bodies, as well as the formation and development of the universe itself. Did you know top N.A.S.A. scientists often attend our show (and/or listen to the live broadcast on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM)? It's true! Each of our shows traditionally begins with Pete’s segment: an illustrated recap of the actual latest findings of planetary Astronomy. But he’s, paradoxically, a down-to-earth kind of guy, who can tell you everything about the tiles on the Space Shuttle-- and on your bathroom floor! Accompanied by his beloved, dangling model of the far-roving Cassini-Huygens Probe, Pete will zoom us (metaphorically) to (really) far-ranging land-and-space-scapes of outer Solar System Real Estate. The Cassini spacecraft, sports fans, is the first to explore the Saturnian system of rings and moons from orbit around that remote, giant gas planet. Pete’s been relaying its findings since Cassini entered orbit on June 30th, 2004-- and immediately started to send him back intriguing images and data. The European Space Agency (ESA)'s Huygens Probe dove down, down into Titan's thick atmosphere in January, 2005. The sophisticated instruments on both spacecraft are providing Pete (and our Ask Dr. Hal! audience) with vital data and the best views ever of this mysterious, vast region of our Solar System. So, remember when you view Pete’s monofilament-lofted model, lovingly crafted by Paul Pot, that the real Cassini-Huygens is an international collaboration between three space agencies. Seventeen nations contributed to building this spacecraft. The Cassini orbiter was built and managed by NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, while the Huygens probe was built by the European Space Agency. And the Italian Space Agency provided Cassini's high-gain communication antenna. In addition to Pete, more than 250 scientists worldwide are studying the data streaming back from Saturn on a daily basis. Just part of our Show (a part which was the longest it’s ever been last time as Pete evinced unusual stamina). HEY KIDS! Special Appearance by Fozzmo the Clown! As for Kogar the Gorilla, we make no promises here that we can count on the participation of that “Primate Prima Donna.” From all indications, the well-known thespian simian has probably made his last knuckle-walking bow on our 12 Galaxies stage. DAVID CAPURRO EXPERTLY EXTRACTS RELEVANCY from the COMPUTER KEYBOARD Our very own dementedly devoted David Capurro, in his alternate identity as Yo-Yo Pro, has performed in multiple venues, Now "Cappy" vivaciously vivifies our Show with a kind of visual, Virtual yo-yo-ing: even as Dr. Hal is speaking, David's dexterous digits flash across his keyboard-- and, Wow! A confirming (or at least, ideally, congruent) image appears on the screen! (Usually, filthy, but that’s showbiz.) SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: for our final performance, David has promised he will whip out his Yo-Yo and treat everyone to an exhibition of Yo-Yo mastery which will be long remembered ever after… “DR.” HAL: MERETRICIOUS MOUNTEBANK with QUESTIONABLE QUALIFICATIONS-- or DIVINELY INSPIRED, OROTUND ORACLE? Not for us to say. Questions answered consultations available. No refunds. As for the legitimacy of his Doctoral credentials, the Head of Dr. Hal’s Order (the Church of the SubGenius), none other than the Most Exalted Reverend Ivan Stang himself, did confer upon him, on Wednesday the 2nd of April 2008, upon his completion of the Protracted Syllabus of SubGenius Studies, the Degree of DOKTOR OF DIVINITY in the name of the Dobbstown Liberty College of Love. That should settle it. KrOB KREATES final MONSTER ATTACK CLIP for the AGES! KrOB on the JOB-- KrOB's krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment! Last week, just as advertised, we beheld the onslaught of the Living Skeleton, a tautology given life if not made flesh. In a whirling, clashing display of supernal swordsmanship, the dead faced off against the living. This time we leave the Realm of Legend for an anxious time more closely related to our own, where monsters dwell and where creatures roam. An unnerving incursion into a terrifyingly uncertain scene, where hapless humans find their lives as cheap as those of the so-called lower orders, and pragmatic predators operate with draconian directness. Cool, eh? No, it just wouldn't be the Ask Dr. Hal! show without the inclusion of this proven popular attraction, would it? Educational and scientific, the great KrOB's notorious "edits"on the Giant Screen, in dynamic, full-fidelity KrOB Sound™ will again comprise a memorable multi-media experience. Just keep him away from that Kn/rob Creek bottle he’ll do just fine. And, really, we are prompted to ask, at what other night club show could you behold such a thing? Think about it. Just make time to be there no later than Nine PM (Chicken insists) Monday night at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd. SOCIAL NOTES Ask Dr. Hal! was considerably enlivened by a surprise performance from the folks who brought you the Life-Size Game of Mousetrap at Burning Man and numerous other venues, thanks to mastermind manly Mark Perez & his mousetrap Myrmidons. An all-mouse-related, torrid Terpsichorean treat for the 12G audience employing elaborate props of giant cheeses provided a break from the usual question-&-answer, as slinky Spy & ravishing Rose, beauties of Burlesque, enacted a stylized synchronous dance routine during which the two lovely girls’ scanty costumes somehow became detached and fell to the floor, revealing their well-rounded charms to the delighted & appreciative crowd. From on stage we had an exceptionally good, close view of these goings on. Then, something for the ladies, as a brigade of Chippendale’s-style junkyard hunks invaded the stage. Pounding, pulsating Disco music blasted, the underdressed louts & oafs pranced and posed in multiple positions, smirking, rotating their hips & flexing their musculature as panicked homophobes fled in all directions… you never know what’ll be unleashed at one of our productions… We didn’t expect it… One surprise of the eve was the unexpected absence of Ringmonster & Show-host chucklin’ Chicken John. The Yeoman of the Showmen contracted a last-minute case of Epizootis & became too ill to perform. Luckily, Pirate Cat Radio’s own jaunty John Hell became available to fill Chick’s brogans -remarkable coincidence –-as his own show at the station was cancelled. Mr. Hell has trod the boards with us before, under sim’lar circumstances, & we look forward pretty soon this year to a couple of iterations as Color Commentators for the Power Tool Drag Races (plug-ola!), 1st at the upcoming Maker Faire on May 3rd at the San Mateo Fairgrounds, then at good old Ace International Speedway this May 17th & 18th in San Fran-sissy-co. Another no-show was frantic Frank Chu, last seen hobnobbing on the Sassiety Page in the S.F. Chronicle w/ the so-called (ugh) “Swells.” Wottsamatta, Frankie, ain’t we good enough for you no more…? But we soldiered on… Despite running out of Question Slips early on (people wrote on bus transfers & napkins) we answered the queries of a good-sized crowd, bouncing back from our (comparative) attendance slump of last wk. & featuring such familiar fan faces as masterful Moss, radiant Rhiannon Charisse of Dark Room Theatre fame, & power couple heavenly Hallie McConlogue & comely Corey McGuire. Here’s more plug-ola: Dr. Hal will be marrying the two lovebirds at an outdoor public ceremony according to the principles of the Church of the SubGenius & the affiliated Universal Life Church, coming up soon at, again, the Maker Faire @ the San Mateo Fairgrounds. All audience members of the Ask Dr. Hal! Show are invited to attend, 2:30 Sunday May 4th as the vows are solemnized on the Balcony of the Neverwas Haul, the coolest of all Art Cars (since a rampaging Republican terrorist torched the land-going Galleon La Contessa). The Haul, a steam-powered Victorian house on wheels created by “Satan” Shannon O’Hare & kinky Kimric Smythe among others, will be newly re-fitted and be looking better than ever. “Maker Faire is backing this whole thing, this crazy idea to the hilt,” enthuses hypostatic Hallie. “The marketing department loved the whole crazy story of our romance and how Corey won my heart. They gave us 100 free tickets. It also looks like there will be lots of media coverage. We also get to fire off the Life-Sized Mousetrap.” Love is in the air. So B there or B square, folks... Jewel-like Janay Growden, modest Mable Syrup, torrid Terri with squeeze Sherilyn Connelly, and comely Carinna, who lately took the waters with us at Delight’s Hot Springs on a recent Chicken John Bus Trip to the Mojave Desert were all on hand for our penultimate p’formance. So was jocund Josh the Orangebox Man, who we won’t be seeing again for at least a while - he’s also off for a life of wedded bliss, w/ fiancée sizzling Sarah Santos… Someone put a copy of Mr. Opp, a novel by Alice Hegan Rice, author of the immortal Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch, on my desk. Thanx, Somebody… And thanx to all who have been supporting us with weekly attendance. We hope to reward you with a last show to die for (tho’ that shouldn’t be, strictly speaking, necessary)… ASK DR. HAL! EXCLUSIVE! GAGS! GROANS! GOOF-OFFS! GIRLS! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE! GALACTIC ASTRONOMY! DON’T MISS IT! OUR LAST SHOW BEFORE OCTOBER! A D V E R T I S E M E N T Alien Apocalypse 2006 Available for Purchase! We still have 4 or 5… A special consignment of the Kathy Glass graphic novelette Dr. Hal and Spain Rodriguez produced several years ago, dealing with Monsters, Hippies abducted, yes, and diddled, yes, Aliens, Flying Saucers, Monsters, Corporate Malfeasance, Monsters, Prophecy, Monsters and Geo. W. Bush has become available for sale after the show. Signed and inscribed copies will be provided on request. Yes, I know, the events depicted & predicted didn’t occur in 2006 after all. However, the story may still be enjoyed as an alternative universe tale, like one where the Treaty of Ghent was never signed, Hubert Humphrey was elected President, the South won the Civil War, or Chicken John was voted in as the Mayor of San Francisco… In our cosmos he did get 11,000 votes… Limited Time Offer! Now You can Buy a Special, Limited Edition Print of Dr. Hal Art! Signed & Suitable for Framing! From the book Dinosaur Alphabet. Contact Vicki Olds at Studio Reflex, S.F. By telephone at (415) 221-2830. By e-mail at volds@studioreflex.com Via Snail Mail, write requesting a Limited Edition Print Order Form to: Limited Edition Order Form Studio Reflex, Inc., Attn. Vicki Olds 534 6th Avenue City 94118. Do it today!

Camping trip/fundraiser for summer boat project April 29th-May 8th

Chicken — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:48:36 GMT

Camp Tipsy … on and around the weekend of May 3rd… fun camping trip on a lake with boats and performance and art installations. OK. I need to catch up. It’s all happening kinda quick… so it’s hard to report on something when your already doing the next thing. But there is this big project that I’m working on and I wanna talk about it. There was an idea that was put forward that I signed on to. To build a raft out of foam and wood. Send it down the Mississippi with a bunch of idiots. I committed to do the propulsion system. The end of the story is that it went from Minniappleass to St. Louie, roughly. It took 2 years to traverse that 750 miles. In all, 150 people traveled on the craft. Sometimes as many as 40 at a time. That craft is now gone. The Mississippi won. This summer we are doing it again. But this time, it’s the Hudson. Starting upstate NY with a destination of Long Island City with 7 homemade and/or modified boats and/or rafts. Swoon does the art. For propulsion, we pull motors out of cars and run them on bullshit: bio-fuel or worse. Solar powered electric canoes. It’s all absurd but actually kinda techy. None of it’s easy. You think building at Burning Man is hard, try building on water. You drop the tool, it’s gone. Boats catch fire. Bottom out. Weather. Rough conditions. No where to park. Toilets. Rain. Breakdowns: Mechanical or mental. Staph. Cooking for 25 people. No refrigeration. Rednecks. Alligators. OK, there are no alligators. But all the other stuff. A boat trip ‘ll make a man outta ya. I am doing a camping trip on and around the weekend of May 3rd in a location about 2/12 hours from San Francisco. The location is on a beautiful lake. We have the site from Tuesday the 29th to Thursday the 8th. There is a very, very limited number of people who can go. A few hundred at most. But it’s going to be really great. We have all the propulsion systems here, in my shop. We are building 3 test crafts this very week (at NIMBY, if ya wanna come help). I’m calling the campout Camp Tipsy because it’s cute. Camp Tipsy will have TONS of entertainment and stuff, but it will also have a bunch of boats. It’s a boat thing. Bring a boat or borrow one of ours. We are going to do a big communal kitchen. It’s really warm there, and really pristine. It’s a great nature moment. Camp Tipsy is a fundraising device for the project in NY this summer. All the proceeds collected will go to the SUPER EXPENSIVE transportation of the propulsion systems. A project like this costs well over a hundred thousand dollars, and it’s all done with donations. Our fundraising goal is $22,000. Ouch. So we are asking for donations of (gulp) $100. Yea, it’s kinda a lot. But it’s all real. And it’s totally worth it. I’ve been pouring time and effort into this event. I might be crazy out of We have a big kitchen that goes under a big tent. It’s all communal. Kinda. They’ll be meal time capers and nightly instigators of foods, but more anarchy then democracy. All run by Food Hacking master Chef Mark Powell. The kitchen will have all the basics and stuff. More on that later. Every night we have a few feature performers. Mellow, fun, cool campfire music. And such. Floating art. Boats. Swimming. Dogs. Kids. Building stuff. Sailing. Biking. It’s all sounding too wholesome. But after all, wholesome is the new decadence. The trip is not about the money, but a TON of effort is going into it. Please pay the hundred bucks (or more if you can afford it). If you are absolutely flat busted broke and just have to go we can work something out… but if I don’t hit my fundraising number I can’t go to NYC. $22G is a ton of money. If 220 people pay $100 for this camping trip, I’ll probably make like $14g or so. It’s all so expensive. You have to RSVP, I’ll put you on another mailing list specifily for this event. You must pay in advance to hold your spot and you must say which days you would like to be there. I am not supposed to have more than 200 people, the place is pristine and they wanna keep it that way. So I am trying to be organized. Please invite people!!!!! But lets start with friends and friends of friends first. Please do not post this to lists yet. Lets hand pick the people we wanna camp with. There is a reason I have waited to give the dates… I don’t want to disappoint people. We DEFINATLY want this to go well so we can return. I’d love to do Camp Tipsy every year. You confirm with PayPal: chickenjohn@chicknejohn.com I've already paid for the spot and stuff. It's ours. The spot is like 2 ½ hours north of SF. I won’t tell you where it is until later. It’s super warm there. It’s not in the mountains. It’s beautiful. The lake is awesome. You can ride bikes and stuff. I just bough 4 paddle boats. There is so much more information to give, but for now lets just see how this works. More info on the Mississippi boat at missrockaway.org

In or around L.A.? Come to the Amargosa Opera House this Saturday!!!!!!

Chicken — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 05:33:07 GMT

Marta Beckett traveled through Death Valley Junction in the mid 60's. There is an old opera house there. She fell in love with it. She bought it. Marta then became the lone ballerina of the Amargosa Valley. She painted an audience on the walls because no one came to the shows. All that's changed now. The place is sold out packed every week. Marta is in her 90's. The show is stunning. I'm doing a bus trip from SF. The bus is totally full. But I have some extra tickets so some people can drive out from LA. We are camping at a hot springs nearby. This is an awesome trip. I can not reccomend it enough. If you know cool people in LA, please forward this to them. You can contact me chickenjohn@chickenjohn.com

Amargosa Opera House Excursion April 12th... drive out from LA...

Chicken — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 17:18:31 GMT

I'm doing a bus trip to the Amargosa Opera House on the 12th of April. I'm comming from SF. I've got 22 extra tickets, so people from LA can come drive out and see the show, and I rented an entire campground. You can drive out, see the show and camp out at the hot springs campground thing. The Amargosa Opera house is an amazing place. Marta Becktett is like 90 years old and has been doing the same show for 40 years. Contact me for more info.

Tonight, at the Chez Poulet 8PM,, Baby Dee!!!! VD show with special guests....

Chicken — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:13:25 GMT

So. The set that Jascha and Claire built for the film shoot here is so stunning and absurd, we had to put a show together around it. My dear old friend Baby Dee called me and told me she was coming to town with a band and if I wanted to book her show. So I asked Nieves if she was in the mood to do some cooking and what we came up with is an evening of dinner theatre in a bizarre cave that used to be my living room. The food is things that can be eaten with your fingers, served in a sit down style lounge-a-thon of brilliant talent. Baby Dee is a Transgender Harpist, accordion player, pianist and singer. She is here with a full band. She has been a constant in my life since we toured together in the circus in 1996, the magical year where everything worked. She had lead an amazing life. I can’t begin to describe the bravery and comedy and joy that exudes from this mop-topped Irish belle. She is a delight to behold, and that she has chosen us to spend the day we have set aside to celebrate love, romance and passion with is a rare measure or respect. Nieves will make delightful bites and magic potions…. Meredith Axlerod will delight us with her ukulele, her unique voice and her impeccable edict. Jessie, the lovely accordian player who paid ode to Dammit on her birthday, will play some of her songs. Her stage name is "Roadkill". How silly. Benjamin Perkins Burke will bring all things together in our little magical cave for the evening. More guests and stuff, maybe even a puppet show. Did I mention the entire space in now a friggin' cave? We are making dinner for you and yours on Valentines day in a magical cave of bullshit and splendor. The people that have been comming to events off my list have been an absolute pleasure to do stuff with. Please come and spend VD with us and Baby Dee. You will NOT be disappointed. Our show begins promptly at 8:00PM on Thursday evening Febuary 14th. You will remove your shoes. The dinner and the show occur contemperaniously, and there are enough viddles and entertainment to last 2 hours. At 10:00 you are free to stay for an hour or so, but it is a school night… Price for the dinner is $20 per person and an additional $10 for the show to pay the talent. There is seating for dinner people and seating for show people. You are welcome to come for just the show at 8 and just give $10 to the talent. All the money goes to Dee. Please rsvp as we have limited capacity.

Circus show tonight, Dammit the Wonderdogs' 18th birthday...

Chicken — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 23:18:10 GMT

If you are not planning on attending the Circus REdickuless show this very evening at 12 Galaxies (10:00, $10)... you may be missing out on something special. Special olympic, that is..... Here is our show: Puppets Trapeze with Mirium The man eating chicken The storkman Chuckles the Kaos Klown (From LA!!!!) and her dancing Jo Jo Rats Jarico Reese magic show (the Cyclecide guy) Chicken John doing his oracular tubulation... (up his nose, out somewhere else) The Speedmetal Tapdance Oigu Raidio Igor Ignitor The Reverse Stripper (Miss Fountain) Herbie Hatman, the worlds worst escape artist The lovely Jessy wrote Dammit Dog a birthday song and performs it on her accordian Jascha Eiphram Bruce XXX, an actual native american Otto the Aqua Boy An actual pregnant woman The Sea Monkey Tamer And of course Dammit the Amazing Wonder Dog. She Turns 18 this month, and this is her party. I've already received more bones than a dog should rightfully have... Dammit the Amazing Wonderdog will turn (gulp) 18 years old. She had a sort of stroke last August, and is doing OK. We think she is blind in one eye, deaf in one ear and she is a little off balance. But in good spirits and happy and romping and doing all the dog things. So for what will likely be the last time, The Circus Redickuless will take the stage at 12 Galaxies. That's right, a bunch of the old circus folk are going to do some of the old acts. A few other people will pinch hit for others who are not around. This will likely be your only opportunity to see all the acts that you have heard about but thought too stupid to ever actually see. The idea of the circus was no content as the content. It's a little confusing but we are carneys, after all. The show will be Dammit's final performance and don't expect too much. We started a circus 14 years ago. Who would have known? see ya tonight...

Dammit turns 18 this Friday at 12 Galaxies...

Chicken — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 06:18:38 GMT

Who knew dogs lived this long? The entire Circus REdickuless troupe is comming to do a show so Dammit can perform again... this Friday. See all the acts from the show that took the country by storm!!!! Jarico will do his famous magic act, Chuckles the Kaos Klown will dance with her rats, rapping Mad Cows, Vegan Geeks, Temperaraly Tattooed men and those are just the good acts... Show starts at 10, it's $10 and it's ton of fun. See ya there!!!

CHICKEN: New Years Eve plan for me and mine...

Chicken — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 05:26:41 GMT

So. New Years Eve is upon us. Amnesia booked a sold out show for 1,500 people. Only 100 can fit. Sea of Dreams is a giant wooden arc for cool animals only. 12 G's is milking hippies. What are we gonna do? Chez Poulet is having dinner and a show. Please arrive at 7:30-8:30 if you would like to eat with us. We have booked some fun stuff for a party at 10:00, with Loop! Station being the ringer-inner of the clink the glasses with the 12 bongs to let go of the weirdest year in quite a while. There is a slew of other bullshit in the entertainment department including Krob doing his patented multi-thingy and we could even get theatrical. I'd like to also say Sean Hayes, but won't say why I would say that. I just say that sometimes. Dinner by itself is $15. Show by itself is $15. Stay for the whole night for $25. Please RSVP, because we are a small space… but especially if you wanna eat with us so we know how much to make. chickenjohn@chickenjohn.com 3359 Army St. SF Ca 94110 Please feel free to pass this along to other wonderful people. And if we don't see you, I'd like to impart a pearl of wisdom that was vomited on me the other evening: "... it's like things are getting bad faster than I can lower my standards to deal with them." Vinny Ferraro To me, that was like a perfect example of my 2007. I will say that I enjoyed the people in my world more this year then any other. I liked the people part of 2007. Thanks. More please...

Mayors collaborative Friday the 26th at the Castro

Chicken — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 08:06:32 GMT

This is something that I havn't been participating in.... But am going to go to tomorrow because of the Halloween debacle thing. Our committee has a secret weapon to claim the Castro Halloween celebration as our own. We can't devolve the info, but suffice to say that no matter what happens, we'll be everyone's favorite candidate. Well, at least that day.... anyway there is a chance to meet the candidate and to see democracy in action. Or something. 11th Candidates Collaborative Debate to be held in the Castro Contact: Josh Wolf (415)794-2401 wolfformayor@joshwolf.net October 23, 2007 For immediate release: SAN FRANCISCO – On October 31st thousands of revelers will flock to the Castro for the historical Halloween celebration, but as most city residents are already aware, this year’s Halloween in the Castro has officially been cancelled. It’s uncertain whether those coming to visit ever received the memo and how many will choose to ignore it, but this Friday, October 26, at 5:00PM the 2007 mayoral candidates will be gathering at Harvey Milk Plaza (Castro MUNI Station) to participate in their 11th debate as the 2007 Mayoral Candidates Collaborative. For the past 10 weeks, the San Francisco mayoral candidates have met in front of City Hall to debate the issues. This week they have decided to bring the forum to the Castro in an effort to bring attention to the questionable planning for this year’s annual Halloween in the Castro celebration. Ted Strawser, who founded the Party Party, will be moderating the debate and the forum will focus, not only on Halloween in the Castro, but on how the city should work to facilitate community events as a whole. The weekly candidates collaborative will return to its usual location in front of City Hall for a final forum and straw poll on November 2. Over the course of the debate series, nearly every candidate has participated with the majority taking part in every single forum. At least 9 candidates are expected to attend this Friday. The final event on November 2 will conclude the election season with an opportunity for those in attendance to vote for their favorite candidates. The origins of the Candidates Collaborative can be traced back to the 2004 District Five Board of Supervisors' race when "Diamond Dave" Whitaker envisioned a forum through which candidates could unite around the issues they share, build alliances and provide a forum for all the candidates. With the help of Julian Davis' leadership, the first Candidates Collaborative proved an amazing success and nearly all of the 22 candidates participated, including Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi. This years’ Candidates Collaborative is dedicated toward working together to ensure that everyone’s voice is heard. The debates have been attended by an eclectic mix of San Franciscans and have featured moderators from different media outlets as well as various community leaders.

Gay Underwear Roller Skating Wed Oct 24th

Chicken — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 01:47:34 GMT

Meet at Ritual Roasers on Valencia at 7:00 PM. $20 includes admission and skates. You will skate in your underwear. And be gay. Because your a fag. We take my bus. Back by 10:30. Roller rink in Redwood City. Totally dumb.

This weekend is just perfect for a wholesome day...

Chicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:37:42 GMT

Sunday really is going to be sunny this weekend. Lovely weather for a nice drive, a brisk walk, an ocean view, a corn maze, a pumpkin patch, picking berries and a petting zoo. It's all very wholesome. The bus is rarin' to go and it's the right time of the year to visit our neighbors to the south. Half Moon Bay beckons us to indulge in their humble culture. The bus aches to be let loose on the freeway and the challenging mountain roads. The berries are so ripe they leap into your basket... and the animals long for your touch and those shitty wafer things that the rednecks rook you 50 cents a handful for. But the beaches are beautiful and Krob will play music that will feel like Prosac and you'll have so much fun in the corn maze that you'll get a rash. Meet at the SilverCrest Donut Shop (which hasn't changed AT ALL since 1960) Sunday morning at 10:00. Don't park your car in their lot, park on the street. We will return at like 7:00 or so. It's a donation, but the bus has been really expensive this summer and I'm not working because I'm running for Mayor and no I can't live off campaign donations so please be generous. Please bring your children, but not your dogs. Please do not call me at 10:30 and ask me to pick you up. I hope you will join me in a yearly wholesome day. Chicken

ASK DR. HAL on October 15th!

Chicken — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 06:31:14 GMT

--ASK Dr. HAL Continues Its Current Exclusive Limited Run! OUR NEXT SHOW: --- MONDAY, OCTOBER 15th! --- 2 MORE SHOWS HAPPEN IN OCTOBER AT 12 GALAXIES-- ON MONDAY NIGHTS UNTIL MIDNIGHT, STARTING AT 9 PM!! with: SUPER SAUROPOD ATTACK! LONDON DEVASTATED BY OUTSIZED QUADRUPED SPACE SCIENCE NEWS with PETE GOLDIE! NEWS & VIEWS FROM THE OUTER SOLAR SYSTEM DAVID CAPURRO'S INTERNET ROULETTE TAKE YOUR CHANCES-- NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH KrOB'S FILM FARM PREVUE THE SKINNY ON HIS LATEST CHEZ POULET EXHIBITION CHICKEN JOHN REVEALS MAYORAL PLANS SEE WHAT SAN FRANCISCO'S FUTURE HOLDS --AND MUCH, MUCH MORE! Our Award-Winning Formula-- Gags, Goofs, Girls-- and now, POLITICS! For Immediate Release: San Francisco-- Ask Dr. Hal! is now happening again. There will be a show on TWO of the remaining three Mondays in this month of October at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission Street near 22nd. You see, we won't be doing a show on Monday the 22nd. Surprise! Chicken couldn't book 12 Galaxies for that date. I just found this out. So pay attention-- I have to. Yes, the weekly ritual of the Show seems to have re-established itself for the time being, but the month will be over before you know it-- don't miss the current revival of the award-winning (in the Bay Guardian) night club act. And take note: our new and improved stage sensation promises to be at Nine PM sharp, a time fewer people are expected to profess to find more than ordinarily inconvenient. This is no joke-- folks, we have SO MUCH NEW MATERIAL that we ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BEGIN AT 9:00! Up to three hours of concentrated, industrial strength show-- Our Science Stalwart... Robots are now probing our neighboring worlds in outer space. They transmit their discoveries to Pete Goldie, the noted bon vivant and man-about-town. But although Pete's purview may be the endless reaches of space, his feet are planted firmly on the ground. In our show Boffo Boffin Pete deals with celestial objects (such as moons, planets, comets, stars and galaxies) and related phenomena that originate outside the Earth's atmosphere (such as auroras and cosmic background radiation). A student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of these celestial objects, as well as the formation and development of the universe itself, Pete, proud Papa that he now is, isn't above slipping pictures of baby Daria Lyn Goldie (born 5/23/07) into his illustrated presentation among the rare pictures of strange worlds. A perennially popular Dr. Hal Show Special Featurette. POLITICAL HISTORY IN THE MAKING! Chicken-- Now More than Ever! Yes, unless you're more than ordinarily unobservant and dull-witted, by now you've probably heard that master showman Chicken John is running for Mayor of San Francisco and could use your vote. Now, remember, he isn't so much trying to "win" - I think we're all agreed Gavin Newsom's going to do that as to fight a stellar losing battle; to draw attention to a number of issues that will otherwise be ignored; and to have fun doing it. Fun! An Enormous, Electric, Radioactive "Thunder Lizard" Attacks! Not so much fun, at least for inhabitants of beleaguered London, is the unexpected invasion of a gigantic Paleosaurus. This unusual creature, according to the late Dr. Samson of the British Museum, Paleontology can generate an electric field-- like an eel. He's also unique in being a carnivorous, indeed probably omnivorous sauropod, the only one known, although when you think of it you shouldn't be too surprised after the contemporary discovery of the Therizinosaurs, who actually turn out to be herbivorous theropods. And, remember, both Theropoda and Sauropoda are on the Saurischian (" lizard-hipped") side of the dino lineage. Note that we also see in Paleosaurus apparent crossover features even from the Ornithischian ("bird-hipped") side-- in this case large dorsal scutes, or decorations. But dermal armor has now been found before in some sauropods-- Saltasaurus comes to mind, for example. So one can also accept this. Remember, dinosaurs were gnarly. But this Paleosaurus in the movie is radioactive. Kind of like Godzilla, another city-wrecking reptilian giant, who also has crossover features and was even described, in the original movie, as being essentially a link between the two clades, which these days doesn't sound as absurd as it did back in the Fifties. He's radioactive also and projects a deadly fire beam. By gum, so does Paleosaurus ; you see superimposed spiral force lines as he fries Londoners in his own special way. You see them running like mad, burned, screaming, trampling each other in frantic mobs. Great stuff. Yes, KrOB has prepared another dazzling "edit" of good old rip-roaring stop-motion animation --with "The KrOB Touch." From the voluminous visual files of mighty KrOB. This absolutely educational and scientific presentation is offered as part of our ongoing show at the Best Night Club Experience for the Discriminating-- Twelve Galaxies. And, unbelievably, though it may strain credulity, this veritable Omega of Entertainment will admit & welcome you for an altogether insignificant and trifling admission: STILL SEVEN PUNY DOLLARS! BEAT THAT IF YOU CAN. New! KrOB's Film Farm Prevue! Every time there's an Ask Dr. Hal! show, there'll be a KrOB's Film Farm two days later. Remember that irreducible maxim. In this case, at Chez Poulet, 3359 ARMY (Cesar Chavez) St. @ Mission, KrOB will present Island of Lost Souls, a masterpiece of '30s horror. Filled with dank jungle settings, dark caves, and huge mutant plants, Island of Lost Souls percolates with a decadent atmosphere that charms while it also horrifies. With genre director Erle C. Kenton at the helm, the island becomes a sinister, vile environment of creeping shadows that infiltrate right into the souls of the characters on screen. When the shipwrecked Edward Parker, (Prendick in the novel) is abandoned on his South Seas island, Moreau (Charles Laughton) doesn't want any prying eyes on his jungle paradise where he conducts medical experiments on animals, but he quickly sees that Parker might serve a useful scientific purpose. Taking a sadistic glee in his enterprise, he eagerly pushes the shipwrecked Parker together with the almost-human panther woman (Kathleen Burke) in hopes that the two might just sire a child. He waits in the shadows, carefully underplaying his part, while watching his plot take form. His eyes take on a sparkling glee. Laughton's performance is one of the great performances in the history of screen horror as he leads Parker around his island, cracking a whip to scare off hulking vaguely-human brutes who leer from the shadows. Meanwhile, agonized screams echo and the creatures cower while bleating "The... House of Pain!" Based on H.G. Wells's tale of horror, Island of Lost Souls boasts a screenplay by Philip Wylie, the marvelous cinematography of Karl Struss, one of the great cinematographers of Hollywood, a wonderful performance by Bela Lugosi as the "Sayer of the Law," meet.who chants "What is the Law?" to a goofy, but creepy bunch of barrel-chested "beast men." One of the beasts in one delightfully decadent scene climbs a tree so he can crawl through a window and into her bedroom. The revenge of the animal-men is one of the most frightening scenes ever filmed for any movie. It got the film banned in Britain until some 25 years after its initial release. With added features: EYENOISE du JOUR (to be announced) / SUPER-SECRET SPY SPECIALS , and FREE HOT BUTTERED POPCORN, DRINKS and those tempting movie theater SNACKS. Be there! That's KrOB's Film Farm-- Wednesday, OCT. 17th @ 8PM-- FREE! Social Notes Dots & Dashes & Lots of Flashes! Flash! -- Frantic Frank Chu may be wavering in his support of rival Mayoral candidate Quintin Mecke for Mayor in the upcoming S.F. electoral shindig. Tsk! Chicken John may win Fab Frank back over to his side. In politics, anything can happen... At last Mon.'s show the two were very buddy-buddy & perhaps all's now forgiven... Flash! It slipped my mind to mention before that I've got some pieces up in an ongoing show of comic book art, along with some of the greatest cartoonists ever, living and dead, such as Robt. Williams, Greg Irons, B. Kliban, S. Clay Wilson, Jack "King" Kirby, Richard Corben, Paul Mavrides, Spain, and the list goes on and on. It's at the Sacred Rose Tattoo parlor in Berkeley at 1728 University Avenue at McGee. See it now by following this URL: http://www.sacredrosetattoo.com Mine are number 45, 46 & 54, but take a look at 'em all. This show, curated by quondam Hal show attendee Mark Bodé , who's also in it, will be up until November 1st, so go on & check it out, already. They're open 12 noon - 8 PM. And get a tattoo while you're there... Flash! Art Car pilots were in town to invade ADH. There they were, among them beguiling Joy Johnston (her car is "Flivver") and Killer Ken Duffy. Ken's ride, a short after my own heart, is a Prius decorated with trilobites, dinosaurs, extinct mammals & archaic ferns. He calls it "Prius-storic" --get it? Also on hand were Dr. Fiasco & the Fahrvernpussy Lady of the "Lounge Leopard." They asked good questions, too... Flash! Sebastian Melmoth, the Wanderer a.k.a. John Law was in the house, asking an H. P. Lovecraft-related question. Rumor has it that he may fix KrOB's broken sign, a former proud feature of the ADHS experience, and do so even before the end of this run. He's all heart, as a certain Paul Addis might tell you... Flash! Blake More's movie "Sushi me," a Mendocino Film Festival submission, had its provocative premiere (in S.F.) right at the show! The pic kicked off the nite; there to see it were north-of-the G.G. luminaries Jerrilyn, la Blake herself, with Odeon Cocaine All-Stars drummer Chris Campbell... Flash! The inevitable bevy of bodacious babes once again predictably attended: Jen Alexander, Eileen of Ritual Roasters fame, Spy with co-conspirator Moses (who wuz there when the lites went out), fetching Fan Ameke, tempting Ty, luscious Lynae Straw, lively Liz N., easy-on-the-eyes Edy, jewel-like Joy and mysterious Ms. Poodles. I saw torrid Tracy Feldstein, who was probably there with her mon, Don (tho' I didn't see him)... Flash! Flash, I'm sorry to say, did not show. But we did note D. Atman Wellwood, hipster god Sybaritic Sean Kelly, Tom Cat a.k.a. Señor Spanky, Reverend Chip (off the Old Block) & Giles Corey. Yes, that wuz Josh, the Orange Box Man. Mine Host Robert Levy decorated the mahogany with liquid libations... Paul Pot with canine companion Joppa made his usual Generous Gesture, which we appreciate... Determined demented David "Yo-yo King" Capurro managed yet again to snoodle Fernet out of Chicken. It wuz kind of a KrOB Moment... Flash! Dr. Monkey of Pirate Cat Radio broadcast the show live, & will every time from now on (see "Radio Log," below). This programming arrangement pre-empts John Hell's show, which I regret. However, this is a limited run & Mr. Hell will soon be back in his full infernal capacity. Meanwhile, he gets to come to our show & there he was Mon. nite down in the pit (heh, heh)... Flash! There're only 2 more shows in this run, so make sure you manage to get there & don't miss the fun... Radio Log (courtesy of KrOB) Now all you shut-ins can catch the live show on radio! It's true, thanx to Dr. Monkey of Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9 FM. Each show'll be simulcast, then re-broadcast Wednesday nights from 10 PM to Midnight, the same slot KrOB and I have been doing the radio version of ADHS in up to now. Note that we will do a "pure" radio show on 22 October. Here are the dates, mates: Monday Oct 15th - 12G simulcast 10 - Midnight Wednesday Oct 17 - PCR podcast (re-run of 12G show) 10 - midnight Wednesday Oct 24th - PCR studio show 10 - Midnight Monday Oct 29 - 12G simulcast 10 - Midnight Wednesday Oct 31 - PCR podcast (re-run of 12G show 10 PM - Midnight, and perhaps (this isn't yet certain) Tuesday Nov 6th - 9 PM - Midnight, followed by Wednesday Nov 7 - PCR podcast-- 10 PM - Midnight... And don't forget to listen to Dr. Hal on Puzzling Evidence, the show on KPFA 94.1 FM every Friday morning, 3-5 AM... Campaign Song (Briskly, March tempo) We want Chicken, We want Chicken, We want Chicken for our Mayor, We want Chicken, 'cause we're sick 'n Tired of a City that's unfair! Up with Chicken! Down with Newsom! Show San Francisco that you care-- Help Him win the Race, The Race For Second Place-- Vote for Chicken, for Mayor! (Repeat) Disclaimer (Boilerplate. Brought back by popular demand. For completists only.) "Ask Dr. Hal" is open to all seekers and thirsters after Enlightenment, except for the ones Chicken John permanently 86's. Don't be a-messin' with him, mister. Special consultations and hands-on initiations are available in private, particularly for well-knit, gracile, nubile females over the currently legal drinking age of 21. Everybody else, including jugglers, saw players, and all other would-be prospective opening act performers, is asked to present his or her resume, life history, astrological chart, nude photos, sob stories, requests for handouts, X-rays, dirty linen, pickled punks, tortillas or stained BVDs with miraculous portraits of Jesus thereon, VHS cassettes, reel-to-reels, CDs, DVDs and/or audition tapes directly to warm-hearted "Chicken"John for evaluation when he is available and not stumping up and down S.F. for your vote. I am unable, owing to serious demands on my time at present, to provide (shudder) "relationship" advice, give off-the-cuff psychological analyses, advise you in legal, medical or personal matters, critique your "poetry," artwork or the manuscript of your novel, or perform an impromptu phrenological or proctological examination. Sorry, I must refrain from answering questions when "off duty." This is a period and condition which begins at the moment the show ends and regularly lasts until the beginning of the next week's performance. I'm not kidding, don't come at me with questions when it's not Monday and I'm not doing the show. Why can't you understand this? Otherwise, all are most welcome. Step right up, no shoving, room for all. Not for the fearful, tearful, fretful, regretful, self-obsessed or feeble-minded, nor for cranks, fanatics, crank addicts, hysterics, epileptics, cataleptics, balkers, stalkers, young, impressionable children or those who are no longer children but are (too) easily shocked. Oneiromancy a specialty. Some restrictions apply. Easy to play. Follow all directions. Be the first on your block to attend. We provide an Oracle of Truth; you provide the consequences. Hollering & yelling at the stage from the audience will be severely discouraged. For interface during showtime we suggest the "side note." Available in other venues, and for weddings, funerals, corporate entertainment retreats, secret ceremonies, bar and bat mitzvahs. Scientific, educational. Healthful, revivifying, nutritive. Take cum grano salis. Results may vary. Does not (usually) stain clothing. No complicated machinery to buy. Anyone can play. Fun for the whole family (if, that is, the whole family is of legal drinking age). We always show a dinosaur movie. Pencils, envelopes, instruction booklets and question slips provided free of charge. No pushy salesman will call. Quotes the poets. Witty, bawdy, topical. Will tell you your Totem Animal. Hypnotic and horrific. Reads tea leaves and T-shirts. Foretells the future, casts spells, locates missing objects, heals, sickens, communicates with the Spirit World, knows the Meaning of Life and the secrets of human hearts in this world and the next, for all the good it does. Will design your tattoo. Available for Sex Magick, though at times barely able to function sexually. Bring your parents and loved ones. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Reveals Past Lives and Life of the Past. Yes, our show's the most amazing thing seen anywhere, I kid you not. Bachelors and cads, take notice: some of the most fetching (though crazy) women in San Francisco regularly attend, at least until Chicken offends them and in consequence they move to the other side of town. C'est la vie. But they really are maddeningly lovely, yes indeed. A co-production of the Church of the SubGenius. Dobbs Approved. Available for cold plunges and hot tubs. Ameliorates the Terror of the Gods. Reads the palm of the hand, reads by touch the bumps on the head and the contours of the uncovered female body. From now on until the Fifth Angel opens the bottomless pit, out of which, the Good Book tells us, will then pour a swarm of bizarre arthropods to torment sinful humanity all questions instantly and irrevocably become the property of Ask Dr. Hal, Hal Robins, and Chicken John Productions. We reserve the right to refuse service to you and all your kin, reject inappropriate questions and eject inappropriate questioners, abruptly, firmly, forcefully, gleefully and at will. Attn. Mission drunks, tosspots, plug-uglies and owlhoots: if you try to disrupt our show, you will be "bounced." As for everybody else, Chicken may unaccountably pelt you with wadded up papers-- but it's all in good fun, isn't it? Although it is not strictly necessary to pay to enjoy the performance, and payment will not ensure your appreciation of the evening, all questions should ideally be submitted in a regulation envelope containing an emolument to receive the fullest possible consideration. The better (i.e. larger) the emolument, the better (i.e. long-winded) the answer. A premium emolument precipitates a so-called "Bardic Recitation." Of course, unpaid questions will be answered, but in binary form by the ghastly, gabby Leslie Sternbergh-donated talking 8-ball (once heard on KQED FM) which can even speak its reply aloud. But if it's not a "yes or no" question, this type of answer frankly doesn't work very well, and tends to be somewhat unsatisfying. Just the same, no refunds given or answers guaranteed. That's right. You pay for it, you get it. No one religion or political party endorsed. And if you don't see what you want, just ask. Time tested. User-friendly. Preserved for Posterity. Written up in the weeklies. Featured on the radio, and in the Italian Daily Press. Taped for TV. Quoted at parties. Rough on Rats. Remembered in dreams, re-run in your nightmares. Astrally projected. Alive in Living Memory. Provides automotive information. The subject of after-dinner anecdotes. Will pop into your mind at unguarded moments. Better than "The Playboy Advisor," and certainly cheaper. Are you really actually reading this? You are? Good for you. At least somebody is. We're obviously not for everybody, but then, as R. Crumb said, not everything's for children-- not everything's for everybody. Don't let the terrorists win-- They Hate our Freedom to laugh our heads off at shows like this, so-- it's important-- at the next election, vote them out of office this time. Impeachment is good, too. Get organized! We're located in the fluttering, fibrillating, palpitating Heart of the teeming Mission, at 2565 Mission Street near 22nd. Read all instructions (provided) before participating. Drink responsibly, but heavily. Robust alcohol consumption recommended for full enjoyment. And don't fail to visit the Ask Dr. Hal! Web Site: http://www.askdrhal.com/

Tomorrow Graffiti clean up at Toxic Tire Beach... please read...

Chicken — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 23:11:19 GMT

OK. So as many of you know the Mayor of SF, Gavin Newsome has a project called operation Green Connect. It's about improving our parks. That sounds great. They are going to go to Toxic Tire Beach tomorrow and white wash all the artwork. Why? Because graffiti is a crime. Please read the email back and forth with Fred Abadi. I challenge them to leave a mural. Lets see what they say. The work day is tomorrow, Saturday at 9:00 AM. They are providing lunch. I don't know that there is really anything we can do. We could go down there and look sad, but I don't really see the point. I would like to be kept in the loop if anyone is doing anything else. Let me know. Here is the link: http://www.sfconnect.org/projects/viewProject.php?_mode=occurrenceView&_action=load&sFrom=monthlyCalendar&ixActivity=172& ixAffiliateRegion=&sZipcode=&bAvailable=&dtBegin=2007-8-4&dtEnd=2007-8-4 Here is the exchange, read from the bottom... ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I'm a homeowner in SF. I pay taxes. I run a business. But I must say that the choice of things to 'improve' is in question. If I didn't know any better, I would say that there was a group think happening that the powers that be would prefer the artists of SF to go away. Bit by bit, the machine is making SF impossible to enjoy. You guys are gonna go paint over artwork that makes that place magical. Because that's what you think is the right thing to do. No matter if I brought thousands of people down there tomorrow, you would defend your actions and the law. You would insist that you were right. You would point out that there is some process that you could sink some time into, but your too late now. Because you think that that place needs to be beautified. We disagree. We like it just like it is. You likely think that getting rid of this graffiti is somehow gonna improve the crime rate. The murder rate. Hell, you'd probably say that if you like the graffiti the terrorists have won. Your contribution to the park, in our opinion, won't do a lick to make it more safe. And it will make it in-hospitable to us. But there is no mechanism in place for you to do anything else. So this is what you do. I understand. I don't blame you, actually. I'm sure you do your job well. I guess in my utopia... 'MY" San Francisco... graffiti is a crime unless it's stunning. But I understand that in order to do that there would need to be an art critic. And nobody likes a critic. So I guess in the end I don't really understand what process is available to me that would be effective. Although you may not notice this, or see this as bad... this is actually a step towards all the people in that community leaving. Clean up the park, put in the 3rd street rail, in comes the fancy coffee shop, up go the rents, 4 years of construction of hideous condos, nowhere to park... everyone who lived there gets their little check to go on their way and they are all out of SF. It's all that simple to us. So the way we see it, you guys are gonna go raise the rents in the dogpatch tomorrow. And the funny thing is that you guys likely have a completely different opinion of what you're doing and what's gonna happen. I understand. But if you were me and the reason you moved here and invested in this city was being corrupted and your entire network of people... this amazing, fragile eco-system of art.... was literally being forced out. Well you'd write a letter asking if there was any tolerance or room for the idea that your gonna eliminate works of art tomorrow. I wonder if we could just save one of the murals. Just a measure of respect that we do like art. Just to champion the idea that painting over works of art, although executed without permission, is still damaging to the soul. I wonder if we couldn't bring people together instead of rip them apart. We could do that. You could say to paint over all but one, and then make a date in a month to paint over that one, just to show that if you write letters to the city, that real people answer and are sensitive and responsive and want to help and would like other people to get involved. That would get people from my community involved. Maybe someone would spearhead a mural project, and get funding and permission. Maybe it will encourage people to use the park more, and share in it's stewardship. Or maybe you'll write me back on Monday and tell me that although you'd like to help me, you've got a job to do. So I'm make it more interesting. I'll commit to getting 50 people to help on another Project Green Connect (after Sept 15th) if you leave one mural. Just one. Not forever, just for like another month. Just to show faith that there is wiggle room and that each and everything doesn't have to be by the book, inflexible & boring. I will commit to these 50 people, and have a list of them in your mailbox 48 hours after you agree to the terms. I have just under 100 emails in my box. I enthusiastically await your response. Chicken John, mission art guy candidate for mayor of San Francisco 2007 voteforchicken.com Chicken John Showman San Francisco, California 415-215-1632 chickenjohn@chickenjohn.com On Aug 3, 2007, at 10:19 AM, Goldstone, Merle wrote: Re: The Difference between Art and Graffiti is Permission We received your message opposing the cleanup of Warm Water Cove graffiti. We respectfully disagree with the idea that this graffiti is public art; it is vandalism. The legal definition of graffiti vandalism is any person who defaces, damages or destroys property that is not his or her own with paint or any liquid (California Penal Code 594). The graffiti at Warm Water Cove was done without permission from the property owners, whether it is the Port of San Francisco, which owns the park or the owners of the surrounding buildings, whose walls and fences have been defaced. It is therefore considered to be graffiti and the City is required by statute to have it removed. The Department of Public Works and the Port of San Francisco are working closely with Warm Water Cove businesses and property owners, as well as with members of the community, who want to remove the graffiti and make the park clean, safe and hospitable for community use. If artists wish to play a role in the beautification of Warm Water Cove Park, they have to respect the public space and ask for permission to put artwork in the park or on private walls. If people continue to graffiti the park and private property walls, the graffiti will be removed and they will risk being arrested and prosecuted. The second phase of the planning process for Warm Water Cove Park will include community input. We encourage you to be come involved in this planning process, if you wish to have a voice in the beautification and stewardship of the park. Fred V. Abadi Monique Moyer Director of Public Works Executive Director Port of San Francisco Hey there. This Saturday you guys are doing a clean up at warm water cove. My community is going balistic. I'm kinda getting flooded with email of people trying to figger out what they can do to stop you from eliminating all that art work. I wonder if there isn't anything we could say or do to that end? Short of us comming down there and making a scene or whatever that seems like a waste of everyone's time... I just thought I could drop you a note and see if, indeed, you do see the difference between someone tagging on the wall of someone's home and the amazing artwork at warm water cove... which will always be called toxic tire beach. We've been using that space for over a decade. It's a great venue. We've had circus shows, bands, dance performance... all for free all for fun. What may look unsafe or an eyesore to you is beautiful to us. any ideas? Or is it all "Graffiti is a crime" standard pitch? Just checking.... chicken john, mission art guy 415-215-1632 Chicken John Showman San Francisco, California 415-215-1632 chickenjohn@chickenjohn.com

Gay Underwear Roller Skating: Tonight!!!!!

Chicken — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 08:22:46 GMT

Tonight, Wedensday night we leave from my house at a little atfer 6. We drive down to Redwood City. We put on roller skates and take off everything else. We roller skate, in our underwear and are gay. We do this because we can. We do it because we beleive. We do it because someone has to. We are standing up, rolling around and rocking out to bad disco in our underwear and are gay because it's Wedesnday in America. $20 buys you transport, admission, skates and all that... we return home at like 10:30-11:00. This event is mandatory attendance for all persons. Excuses are not permitted. Lack of attendance is grounds for dismissal. Work it out. These are the good times. _________________________________________________________________________________

Lost Vegas, Saturday Night, June 2nd... Ace Auto

Chicken — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 04:21:49 GMT

See Otto Von Danger jump the ramp of death on fucking fire! Wink and Yoni, just washed up from the big island! Sparklemotion, 80's dance troupe that just won't stop beleivin'! Kareokie with Beyond Paul! Marrages by Dr. Hal and Rev. Ben Burke! Cockroach racing! Rat Roulette! Crap! Cards! The Wheel of Smut! Some stupid spinning game that Michael Christian built that doesn't work! Pete Goldie quantum physics Dating Game! Did I mention that Otto Von Danger is going to jump a ramp of death on fucking fire on a motorcycle? On fucking fire? Well, he is.... Celebrity Bar Tenders! Doggie Diner Dog Heads! Tons of Fucking Junk! with your host with the least: Chicken John! All this for $10! Ace Auto Dismantlers, 2255 McKinnon Ave. SF 9:00 - late Please come and raise a glass to stupid shit.

Circus Redickuless 12 Galaxies, Saturday February 24th

Chicken — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 17:34:34 GMT

Circus Redickuless, a bakers dozen years later…. Show and review, 12 Galaxies, Saturday February 24th, 10:00 In 1994 I wanted to do something that would impact culture to a degree that I couldn’t’ understand using a tool that no one else was using. I couldn’t figger out how to do that, so I started a circus instead. I couldn’t have ever relised that the 2 would intersect in such a confluence; I ended up living my thesis of: “Art for all purposes” using an interesting template…. ‘No content’ as ‘the content’. I sold people on the idea of providing nothing in the form of a circus show as a way to embrace the most inspiring show we could do. We would have no talent, thereby giving access to anyone. Then, I toured the show for 5 years. Actually, you could say I dragged the show around for 5 years… kicking a screaming and biting. If you could add up the calories spent in throwing a circus it would likely rival a small war. In the end, I guess it worked. I am proud that I and those with me ‘tipped’ the circus idea and inspired the THOUSANDS of small, independent circus’ that popped up here and there shortly after we toured. And longly. And they still are. That’s in the end. But in the beginning, it was just us. And boy, was it lonely. Lemme ‘splain: I call a club to book the circus. The conversation usually went like this: CHICKEN; “Hello there, my name is Chicken John, I’m the director of a small, independent traveling circus that would like to play in your club. Do you have the night of April 23d available?” GREASY CLUB OWNER: “A circus? What kind of music do you play? CHICKEN: “Well, we’re not a band. We’re a circus. A full variety show.” GREASY CLUB OWNER: “If your not a band, what kind of music do you play?” On and on it went. You would say to people that you were a circus, and they would imagine clowns playing the guitar. No, just the clown. No guitar. A 25 person circus with 5 vehicles and 3 dogs. A full 3 hour show with lights and sound and acrobats and it’s all terrible. We put the OOOP in TROUPE, but we havn’t any talent. It’s the show of schmoes… blab la bla… I would try to explain that we couldn’t actually do anything but that it was actually better. Higher art. That was at first. I of course stopped doing that because no one wanted to book that. I ended up prostituting the idea that, indeed, clowns play the guitar. Clown girls doing strip teases. With, of course, giant boobs. Yes, we juggle. No one got it. Not even most of the people in the troupe. Unbowed, I continued. I thought that I would crack the code. Figger it out. Collect bling. I was young. I’m no longer young. But the idea of the circus was an odd Zeitgeist that I participated in. A renaissance of art. There were a small handful of people who had a proclivity for the old ways… and in 1994, if you remember, it was all about particle board and the Pontiac Fiero. Interesting thing about particle board, like plywood isn’t made of particles… but I digress. The destination was marked, and we all ran screaming twards it. But like an oasis in the desert, the destination kept getting farther instead of further… and we ended up REPLACING instead of changing culture. Capice? It’s not bad, but it’s terribly interesting. It wasn’t a hobby, something that we did while holding down jobs and paying bills. We wandered from town to town trying to get people to come see a show that championed the amateur and the improvisation of a group of idiots with no talent. Without a dollar in our pockets. Seasons melted into years. Affecting culture and living your life as art blurred into survival. It became Quixotic. I guess I’m still doing the same thing. Kinda. All the people of the circus were affected by it, understand it and are still contributing in some way. A lot of years have gone by. All the circus people scattered to the 4 winds. A few of them are gonna come out and play Saturday night, at 12 Galaxies. Why Saturday the 24th of February? Dammit the Amazing Wonderdog is turning 17 years old. This dog is better traveled then most people I know. She has had the most attention that a dog can possibly have. 25 people to throw the stick. Adoring fans. Her image on t-shirts, posters, coffee mugs and all of Hal Robins’ artwork for the circus. We named the production company after her. She was the only star of the circus. She had a theme song. She is now old. She had a little stroke thing, and is a little crooked. Listing, actually. I want Dammit to hear her song again. I want her to hear the roar of the crowd as she absolutely refuses to jump through the hoop. I want her to take home underage girls from Orinda after the show and tie them up and… oh wait, I do that not Dammit… I want her to do it again while she still can. And she can. Barely, but yes. She can. Have you never seen Dammit’s act? Or Jarico’s? Did you know that the Bike Rodeo, the Black Label bike club and the Hard Times guys and Burning Man’s DPW were, at one time, soldiers that saluted one flag? That flag, ladies and gentlemen… was the Circus Redickuless. An insult more then a concept, we took acts that generations of people honed to perfection and obliterated them with comedy and beer. With Jim Masons’ Vegomatic of the Apocalypse in the parking lot out back. A gang of angry drunk idiots on tall bikes and clowns that were molesting your girlfriend in the toilet. We were the island of misfit toys on tour. It was an experiment in freedom. In pre-9/11 America. I don’t think you could do that today. The touring part, not the performing part. You can see the performing part in everywhere. It tipped. ‘Other’ entertainments are now the norm. As with the Odeon. When I opened the Odeon (the project after the circus) I only booked things that couldn’t find a home elsewhere. By the end of the Odeon usefulness, I was competing with all other clubs in SF for ‘my’ acts. Problem solved, time to move on. I’m not saying we were the only ones breaking that horse… I’m just saying that we helped. We’ll have to wait until HBO does the made-for-TV-movie of Steven Raspas life before we find out who was REALLY responsible for the ideas ‘broke’ fun fur and fedoras… and I am not going to be the first person to write a book about something that omits a person or two because I’m an asshole. There are books. And a lot more. There is a movie. Phil Glau made a 87 minute film (16mm). A tour chronicle. ‘Tour de Farce. It won 17 film festivals. It’s hard to watch. Your depressed when it’s done. He just put it out on DVD, with some “10 years later” footage at the end. Seeing Jarico a dozen years ago is magical. We were all children. Dannygirl, Michael Gump, Mark Miller… they will all be at the show. Also David Apocalypse, maybe Tall Who Is Paul, and if we’re lucky we may get auther Brian Doherty (This is Burning Man) to do his famous “Human Human” act. Phil will be there with his new DVD. You wont’ buy it, but you will feel comforted that you could google it if ya really wanted to. It’s nice to have that kind of ‘access’. The final nail in the coffin of the Circus was a 13 page spread in Spin magazine. I probably don’t have to tell you what happened after that… lets just say that we couldn’t live up to our own hype. As no one really can. Defined by a story, and no longer available to possibility, the honeymoon ended. No one could run away fast enough. We all likely wish we didn’t, now. Relevance? You want it to be relevant? You want a point to refer to so you might understand what is so interesting about a circus with no talent that acted as a catch-all for idiots and savants with no social skills? “This is the only show of it’s kind!!! Do not settle for expensive imitations…” I’m not taking credit for the Daily Show here… ah fuck it. Yes I am. Incremental steps twards success. Fact is that if Scott Beale didn’t stop, drop and roll and figger out how to make a BBS board and wasn’t a fan of odd and unlikely variety arts the new renaissance of art would have been a side dish served cold at raves and at warehouse parties that no one could find out about. Scott’s tactical advantage was not only was he presenting something new, but the device that he was using was new as well. And because he’s more interested in playing with tool then counting the money, me and you can freeze the clocks and converse here in cyberspace and huddle in our shelter safe from the machines. For now. The Circus Redickuless was a great thing. Come witness failure defeated, mutated into something that can be argued as a sucsess that may or may not be amusing to watch. Thrill! To the unyielding SPEEDMETAL TAPDANCE Chill! The bone chilling spectacle of the GREAT SILLOUETTO, shadow puppeteer Spill! Your drink, while whistling to Dylan our supple, milky REVERSE STRIPPER Weep! Dr. Hal brings you the truth of the future with OUIGI RAIDO Puke! Our VEGAN GEEK will bite the head off a lettuce Gargle! As our JUGGLER astounds gravity Blush! At our scantily clad TEMPORARALY TATTOOED MAN Rock! To the sounds of the ODEON ALL STAR BAND Hail! To the only star of the circus: DAMMIT THE WONDERDOG Cringe! Ringmonster CHICKEN JOHN sticks stuff up his nose and pulls it out his butt I sent this to my pal Jim Mason, to see if it was too gushy to send out. This is his response, and a good ending to my bla bla… I hope to see you at the show… chicken, you lying whore of black truth. the circus was nothing like this. there was no magic of youth and wide open fields of creative discover. it was, in actuality, the most brutal, degrading, and generally smelly 3 weeks i've ever spent in my life. easily. nothing about it was redeeming or zeitgeist altering. but somehow, thorough some typed incantations, you have proved yet again that with adequate verbal shamalama, the worst and most depressing of human degradations can be respun as high art and creative transcendence. refried bean cans scraped open on the sidewalk and all. if your mother only knew . . . go ahead send it out. Jim

A Chaos Christmas Carol with Chicken John and friends... Sunday Dec. 24th@ 12 Galaxies

Chicken — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 17:24:15 GMT

So this will be my 19th year of doing a show on Christmas Eve. Wow. I warn you that this is possibly the stupidest show you have ever seen. It's a thinly veiled game show but it's actually a yard sale in reverse. Leeemme 'splain: YOU bring a dumb gift or 2 wrapped. You have no family, so you come to my stupid show. I drag each and every person in attendance on stage to answer useless trivia questions. If you answer correctly, you get to open a present. If you answer incorrectly, you get to open a present. Depending on how many presents are brought, the show can go on for quite a while. Last year we started at 10:00. We were still giving presents at 3:30. I don't ever think I've been that drunk. Anyway... Christmas is a depressing time of year if everyone else is committed to spend time with the bonds of blood... if you're like me and are either far away from your relations or don't have any, you appreciate being *somewhere*. Krob DJ's, Dr. Hal dispenses the gifts, Timothy works the door. I host. You bring the presents. Robert serves the drinks. Making 12 Galaxies knee deep in wrapping paper is fun. Please join us.... Sunday, December 24th. 10:00. Christmas Eve. $7. Bring a gift...

Ask Dr. Hal show this Wedensday at 12 Galaxies

Chicken — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 15:46:55 GMT

This Wed the Ask Dr. Hal show is basicly on a weekend night, as no one has to work on Thursday. So we are planning quite a good show with a special guest star that we can't even talk about in the press. The Ask Dr. Hal show is a science Q & A with a bunch of other little skits thrown in. It's a 2 hour show that is totally improv with no rehursal or preperation what so ever. The audience writes the questions, stuffs them in a beer pitcher. Krob mines his extensive sound library for appropriate or wildly in-appropriate "music". David Cappurro body surfs the internet using Google image to "research" what ever it is we are talking about. Frank Chu opens our show with a brief showtune. Pete Goldie does 4 minutes on Star Trek. I open the envelopes and moderate. Dr. Hal answers the questions and recites epic poetry from memory. It's the best science Q & A on Wedensday nights on the east side of Mission street in SF. Period.

Ask Dr. Hal's" Fantastic Fourth!

Chicken — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 08:50:59 GMT

THE DR. HAL SHOW WEEKLY-DISPATCH COURIER-SENTINEL-TRIBUNE-INTELLIGENCER-PICAYUNE-TIMES Vol. VII No. 6 SPECIAL QUATERNARY EDITION ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IT'S "FOUR TO GO" WITH"ASK DR. HAL!" LONG-RUNNING SHOW BLASTS OFF AT TWELVE GALAXIES WITH ALL- NEW INTERROGATORIES & REJOINDERS, MYSTERY GUESTS WEDNESDAY October 4th This Week "Ask Dr. Hal" Presents: GEOLOGICAL GASCONADE! "The Volcano Strikes!" Terrifying Eruption from Earth's Fiery Inner Depths to Spew Molten Excitement at Mission St. Venue GUITAR MAESTRO SPECIAL GUEST STAR Gomer Hendrix Adroit Musical Manipulator of the Git-Fiddle (NOT "Air Guitar" this time but the real thing) ALSO PERENNIALLY FEATURING KrOB's EUCATASTROPHIC EDITS!TM PREHISTORIC MONSTER CONTROVERSIES! DRUNKEN SPECTACLES! GIANT SPIDER IMPROPRIETIES! BARDIC ERUPTIONS! WHIPPET ABUSE! FERNET FOLLIES! CHICKEN JOHN'S SARCASTIC SALLIES & DIDACTIC UTTERANCES! DAVID CAPURRO DREDGES UP THE MURK & MUCK OF THE BENTHIC BOTTOM OF THE INTERNET! PETE GOLDIE'S PLANGENT INTERPLANETARY PLEASANTRIES! FRANK CHU'S IMPASSIONED TOURETTE-LIKE PROTEST SPIELS! BULLDADA BARRAGE OF MOVING, MOODY MOVIE MONSTER MOMENTS! FANATICAL FOLLOWING OF FUNDAMENTALIST SUBGENIUS DOCTRINE! WITH BELOVÉD SPECIAL GUEST STAR KOGAR, THE KILLER GORILLA! WITH OCCASIONAL SUCCEDANEUM BRUINOVSKY, THE GREAT WHITE BEAR! (URSUS ARCTUS HORRIBILIS) ALL BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!! GAGS! GROANS! GOOF-OFFS! GIRLS! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE! -------------- YOU are invited: ------------- ALSO FEATURING GUITAR MAESTRO "GOMER HENDRIX" LATE OF L.A. Gomer Hendrix has played on the road in various projects. He's been to every state in the U.S., & in Europe & Mexico. He's done a wide variety of engagements: performing for thousands at a benefit for the late President Ronald Reagan, for 2 dudes in a bar in Southern Alabama - and everything in between. Gomer has appeared in San Francisco & Bay Area clubs, on radio stations KZSU Stanford, Radio Free Berkeley, and Berkeley's KPFA 94.1FM, was a regular at the Paradise Lounge, and, for a time, at the legendary Odeon Bar's Visceral Variety Show hosted by Chris Karney. He can entertain crowds with a band, or with just his voice and his much-travelled, battered acoustic guitar. He has also performed in France, Germany, England, Holland, Spain, & Ireland. His debut CD is available on the world wide web. His repertoire is more than usually eclectic, ranging over all musical genres. Often he plays original songs-- these are "humorous and danceable, but never crass." You can see & hear him in our Award-winning Show (in the Bay Guardian Newspaper) SEE OUR AD IN THE ONION-- SAVE THE FREE DISCOUNT COUPON! WEDNESDAY NIGHT OCT. 4TH! BEE THEIR OAR B SQUARE For immediate release-- The Ask Dr. Hal! show rises effervescently like bubbles in Champagne, elating & inebriating its own special audience. Long-term attendees are well aware that in seasons when this Show is running, God's in his Heaven; all's right with the world. Omens, Monsters & Prodigies are seen, to be sure, but only contained in & on KrOB's magic wonder-screen, for the stimulation & titillation of All. Now in a comfortable, accommodating venue, 12 Galaxies on Mission St. near 22nd, the Show serves up Old Wine in New Bottles, so to speak. Actually, Metaphor aside, quite a variety of Alcohol is available to the discerning Imbiber (and to those less bibulous) before, during & after our Performance itself. Nature Erupts in Volcanic Fury! That's right-- now KrOB has prepared an "edit" spliced together from various Jungle Movies-- & augmented with "The KrOB Touch," of a rip-roaring Volcano Eruption! Burping & bubbling up the seething underground ichor of our tortured planet! As when the Force of Subterranean Wind transports a Hill torn from Pelorus, or the shatter'd side of thund'ring Æetna, whose combustible & fuell'd Entrails thence conceiving Fire, sublim'd with Mineral fury aid the Winds, & leave a singed bottom all involv'd with Stench & Smoke! SEE frantic Cave Men overwhelmed by surges of molten lava! SEE giant dinosaurs fall bellowing into huge opening chasms! SEE in the incandescent Hell of a pyroclastic flow a prehistoric woman covered with molten magma before your astonished eyes! SEE Geology in Action-- Orogeny, the mighty Force that moves Mountains.This is great stuff, we kid you not. From the voluminous visual files of mighty KrOB. This absolutely educational and scientific presentation is offered as part of our ongoing show at the Best Night Club Experience for the Discriminating-- Twelve Galaxies. And, unbelievably, though it may strain credulity, this veritable pinnacle of Entertainment will admit & welcome you for an altogether insignificant and trifling admission: STILL SEVEN PUNY DOLLARS! For more details, go to our winsome & wondrous web site at http://askdrhal.com/ Do visit our sockdologer of a Site, manned 'round the clock (by our own wizardly Webmaster Jascha Ephraim -- check out (or ask) the Question of the Day, enjoy new MP3 Files of Chicken & Hal gabbing on and on, gaze goggle-eyed at the incredible ever-expanding Pictorial Section, dazzle your ears with KrOB's Refrigerator Noise, observe and follow our ultra-avant Links, & remember: it's all about the show. Yes, we frankly admit-- would we deny it? --it's seven dinky denarii. No longer FREE at the late, great, oft-lamented Odeon bar, as during the Golden Age, where our low overhead allowed us to pass the savings along to you, for Fall 2006's incarnation of the show we are strenuously obliged to charge our patient patrons a pro re nata perfunctory premium, the admission price of SEVEN DOLLARS ($7.00) American (the same amount it cost to attend our previous run @ 12G). Now, in keeping with the inflationary spirit of the times, we must request this modest, nominal charge for admission, a regrettable economic necessity in lean times of creeping crypto-fascism & monetary devaluation. Come on-- seven measly smackers-- what's that? The price-- or less-- of a mere burrito and beer (or the rough equivalent). But this dirty, dingy seven dollars admits you to a veritable wonderland, a memorable salon of music, mirth and intellectual inspiration-- it's actually quite a bargain, unlike the aforementioned (hypothetical) burrito. Speaking of which, the area abounds in culinary opportunities. Indeed, that burrito can be yours as close as the taqueria on the corner-- or, if you're surfeited with slumming, try the trendy, arty Foreign Cinema restaurant directly across from the premises-- or any of a multi-cultural gastronomic rainbow of choices to tickle even the sophisticated senses of a Brillat-Savarin or the jaded palate of the most titillated Trimalchio. Thai? Fried Chicken? This area's got it all (though weak on "tater tots"). A more-than-generous Management will even allow you to bring that stinky, dripping burrito along with you, right into the club to devour-- there's no "corkage fee" or the burrito equivalent. So go ahead, explore, circumnavigate the globe of gourmandizing to be found in the "nabe;" -- be a gastronomic Magellan or a Vascular da Gama. Then, perhaps having dined, having also chosen not to heft that steaming burrito into the premises, amble on in to 12 Galaxies, pass the eagle-eyed, grim-visaged once-over, from beneath scarred, lowering brows, of our brass-knuckles-carrying Doorman "Tiny" (no "terrorists" will be or ever have been admitted) and wash your repast down with any number of refreshing varieties of Alcohol, not excluding the (ughh) Miracle Liquid Fernet Branca. AND--now there's Pizza! (see below) Social Notes Maybe it was our ad in this week's Onion-- did you see it? It's also a coupon which offers a door price discount --or just the inevitable gathering momentum of the show itself, but the September 27th iteration of Ask Dr. Hal! was our most well-attended yet. What a crowd! Mike & John, who shared our camp at a certain recent Desert Festival in Nevada, returned after experiencing our Sept. 13th opening-- just as they said they would. We saw former Lonesome Doorman Phoenix, now lonesome no more, with better half Jenny Jo and even wee chip off the old block Alabama. Power couple Don Bruce and Tracy Feldstein took a break from their labors-- they're building a pirate ship for Hallowe'en at NIMBY-- to attend. Busy Don also created a fantastic Irish Coffee Tabernacle for the Neverwas Project back in the desert around the beginning of last month. Outwardly resembling the Ark of the Covenant, it unfolded, ingeniously hinged, to dispense everything needed to serve the elegant beverage. The Project itself was formidable-- a steam-age Victorian house on wheels which I had the privilege of riding in often, rumbling through Black Rock City. Who was that quondam pilot and co-builder/architect of the Neverwas? 'Twas Kimric Smythe, who even "sponsored" some, ah, unmotivated question slips out of his own pocket. I also enjoyed running down indignant cyclists in Black Rock as a passenger in Kimric's fab steam runabout, another steam-powered wonder which debuted at the Power Tool Drag Races of recent memory... Kogar the gorilla was a no-show, as was, unaccountably, A.D.H. stalwart Frank Chu. But filling in was the lumbering "red" Polar Bear yclept Bruinovsky. A White Russian, apparently, red only in ideology... Moses was back for more, ditto Mark Perez, date & canine companion... Former Odeon Girl Friday Nieves Hagmeier was a welcome (& lovely) sight, along with dark brow'd Kat, la belle Katy Bell & East Bay beauty Janay Growden... Mable Syrup in an off-the-shoulder number... Mary Jo Bowling from Better Homes & Gardens... the enigmatic Ashke... Obliterati roving journalist comely Codeine Sudafed, too, who wanted to know the origin of the word Kidnap. Interesting word, that... probably back-formation from kidnapper, from kid + (obsolete) napper, e.g. thief, but I had to give this def. in verse, which may have blurred the response; I dunno-- Chicken sometimes hits me a flyball... Pete Goldie's Science Report is the fave of some attendees, incl. sizzling Sarah Szczechowicz whose prior presence I failed to report.. Paul Pot who's no stranger to the rapture of buildin' aviation models is in harness to restore the Cassini Space Probe miniature, a staple of Dr. Goldie's show segment-- we'll see it flying soon... Sean Kelly, that protean playwright and performer, was in the house... Curvaceous Cloe helpfully provided the Fez of Foresight with its new blinky-lite... Her old man, KrOB whipped up a gorilla-suit edit at least 8 minutes in length, dumfounding the audience, as did air guitar maestro Tiger, who fulfilled all expectations & then some. Chicken dashed off stage to watch him work... There was no mistaking luscious Linda Robertson who's just had a birthday-- she sat with us on stage for a spell...Tho' Scott Munson wasn't there, Pete Goldie filled in by bringing tomatoes... Other tomatoes were Kelly, Rebecca, Maureen & lissome Leann. Whew! Matt Whately & Hung Phat hung with A.Nonny Mouse, Jared, Don Marco & Andy... Somebody wanted to know what super-power I'd pick that couldn't have a useful purpose. Easy-- I'd give myself the ability to put out this Announcement in five minutes... hey, folks, 12 Galaxies is now serving up Pizza. That's right, the Ital-American treat, piping hot out of the kitchen, with melted cheese flowing like the molten lava in KrOB's forthcoming edit. After the show one and all were gobbling it down like it was going out of style. Well, it soaks up the booze. Enjoy! Technical Footnote Careful observers of the last episode of the all-new Ask Dr, Hal! show noted that we now feature a new player. Yes, something new has been added-- KrOB's spanking new keyboard, the ultra-impressive hi-powered Jumbo Mammoth Synchtron 3000. It was about time for an upgrade, according to K.R., and this baby just fits the bill. They say it can do just about anything. More toggles & switches than the cockpit of a Boeing 747. Yes, sir (or Madam), you can expect to hear a whirlwind of new sound & musical effects when this wonder-device is put into harness. Incidentally, in addition to his notorious "edits," KrOB also creates video bookends to the show as of old. Come early, or stay late if you're a fan-- and check these out. Always something to see, see? And hear, hear? This is it! ASK Dr. HAL! INCORPORATING NEW & FAMILIAR FEATURES & SIDESHOWS, SCIENCE, SORCERY [EXCLUDING NECROMANCY] & SOPHISTRY-- ALL IN THE STYLE OF THE LATE, GREAT ODEON AGAIN AT 12 GALAXIES, A HIGH-TONED, HIGH-CEILINGED ESTABLISHMENT WITH FULL BAR YOU NEVER KNOW WHO WILL SHOW UP OR WHAT WILL HAPPEN! THIS WEDNESDAY! Can't wait till then? Check out the Dr. Hal Show right now! ...via nosy newshound-shutterbug Scott Beale's pix shot right at the scene with digital diligence. To ogle his complete, sequential photo-record/slide show of the spied Show, go-go to http://laughingsquid.com/2006/03/21/ask-dr-hal-show-chicken-johns-birthday-photos/ Be honest. Haven't you missed it? Hasn't there been a gnawing sense of something missing in your life? Something like... THE AFFABLE, AMIABLE COMMENTARY & MONOLOGUE OF YOUR TWINKLY, GENIAL CO-HOST CHICKEN JOHN THE MARVELLOUS MUTATED MUSICAL MEANDERINGS OF COFFEE CULT HERO K-ROB (not the false, Oakland K-Rob, but the true Hero of Café This and Clandestine Radio) THE FIERY DOOM OF A VORACIOUS VOLCANIC TANTRUM (Earthquakes? Mere earthquakes are for sissies...) AND THE SINISTER YET SIMPATICO SIMIAN, KOGAR THE LIVE ACTION THRILLER GORILLER (Don't worry, folks-- he gets plenty of bananas) OR THE GREAT WHITE HORROR OF THE NORTHERN ICE FIELDS BRUINOVSKY THE POLAR BEAR WITH FLAIR (When the ape can't be "persuaded" to go on, this huge ursine is, for the time being at least, more tractable) AND BEWILDERING FOOTAGE OF DINOSAURS & FORMER U.S. PRESIDENTS AND THE OPTICAL OBLOQUY OF COMPUTER & YO-YO FIEND DAVID CAPURRO (From his mind through the cross-connected wiring of the Internet to your eyes) AND THE SUPREME SCIENTIFIC SHOW-AND-TELL OF N.A.S.A. LIASON & ASTRO-EXPERT PETE GOLDIE (The Learn'd Astronomer, a Boffo Boffin, Interprets the Starry Realm) AND THE IMPASSIONED BUT ULTIMATELY INCOHERENT RANTING OF PERENNIAL PROTEST-SIGN BEARER FRANK CHU (Well, he's almost always there) All accompanying THE STARTS, FITS, ORACULAR & BARDIC RESPONSES, RUMINATIONS & REJOINDERS OF Dr. HOWLAND OWLL, B.A., M.C.S. etc. THAT IS, AFTER YOU MANAGE TO PASS THE GIMLET-VISAGED BLOODSHOT GAZE OF OUR SURLY, MENACING DOORMAN "TINY" (Just don't get him riled) Remember, we are perpetually endeavoring to improve our presentation, and adjusting our new format for the convenience of our dedicated friends and patrons. And it seems that we're finally, after all these years, learning how to get it right. We entreat our old fellow-travellers to remember that, these days, contrary to their previous experience and expectation, the show actually will start on time. These days that means ten sharp. We don't want to get our audience fired when they come stumbling & bumbling into their day jobs sleep-deprived on account of us. Remember, if in the past we've been late in raising the curtain, that has been partially your fault. You see, when enough people start coming earlier, we don't have to delay things. But for the rest of it we have to take responsibility-- otherwise there's a very real tendency for showtime always to lag while we go through endless permutations of sound checks, trapeze-rigging, KrOB cajoling, last-minute gorilla and/or bear training, Giant Robot maintenance, backstage dressing room hysterics or what have you. And this forthcoming time might be no different. So do come early, not late-- even if we are delayed it gives y'all time to schmooze & socialize, hang out, drink, laugh and swap lies. It's a party. An oasis of Slack in your week that it just doesn't make sense to miss. BE THERE OCTOBER 4TH-- THE FOURTH HEAPING SERVING OF THE ALL-NEW ASK Dr. HAL! L e g a l D i s c l a i m e r Not for Logophobics. "Ask Dr. Hal" is open to all seekers and thirsters after Enlightenment, except for the ones Chicken John permanently boots out of 12 Galaxies. Furthermore, special consultations and hands-on initiations are available in private, particularly for well-knit, gracile, nubile females over the currently legal drinking age of 21. Everybody else, including all would-be prospective opening act performers, is asked to present his or her resume, life history, astrological chart, nude photos, sob stories, requests for handouts, X-rays, dirty linen, pickled punks, tortillas or scat-stained BVDs with miraculous portraits of Jesus, Mohammed or Pee-Wee Herman thereupon, VHS cassettes, reel-to-reels, 8mm, Super 8, 16mm or Viewmaster 3-D reels, CDs, DVDs and/or audition tapes directly to warm-hearted "Chicken"John for evaluation when he is available. I am unable, owing to serious demands on my time at present, to provide (shudder) "relationship" advice, give off-the-cuff psychological analyses, advise you in legal, medical or personal matters, critique your "poetry," artwork or the manuscript of your novel, or perform an impromptu phrenological examination. Sorry, I must refrain from answering questions when "off duty." This is a period and condition which begins at the moment the show ends and regularly lasts until the beginning of the next week's performance. I'm not kidding, don't come at me with questions when it isn't even Wednesday and I'm not doing the show. Otherwise, all are most welcome. Step right up, no shoving, room for all. Not for the fearful, tearful, fretful, regretful, self-obsessed or feeble-minded, nor for cranks, fanatics, crank addicts, witches, bitches, hysterics, epileptics, cataleptics, young, impressionable children or those who are no longer children but are (too) easily shocked. Oneiromancy a specialty. Some restrictions apply. Easy to play. Follow all directions. Be the first on your block to attend. We provide an Oracle of Truth; you provide the consequences. Yelling at the stage from the audience will be severely discouraged. For interface during showtime we suggest the "side note." Available in other venues, and for weddings, funerals, corporate entertainment retreats, secret ceremonies, bar and bat mitzvahs. Scientific, educational. Healthful, revivifying, nutritive. Take cum grano salis. Results may vary. Does not (usually) stain clothing. No complicated machinery to buy. Anyone can play. Fun for the whole family (if, that is, the whole family is of legal drinking age). We almost always show a dinosaur movie. Pens, envelopes, instruction booklets and question slips provided free of charge. No pushy salesman will call. Quotes the poets. Witty, bawdy, topical. Will tell you your Totem Animal. Hypnotic and horrific. Reads tea leaves and T-shirts. Foretells the future, casts spells, locates missing objects, heals, sickens, communicates with the Spirit World, knows the Meaning of Life and the secrets of human hearts in this world and the next, for all the good it does. Will design your tattoo. Available for Sex Magick, though at times barely able to function sexually. Bring your parents and loved ones. Do not exceed recommended dosage. May take attendees bowling in the middle of the night. Reveals Past Lives and Life of the Past. The most amazing thing seen anywhere, I kid you not. Bachelors and cads, take notice: some of the most fetching (though crazy) women in San Francisco regularly attend. They really are maddeningly lovely. A co-production of the Church of the SubGenius. Dobbs Approved. Ameliorates the Terror of the Gods. Reads the palm of the hand, reads by touch the bumps on the head and the contours of the uncovered female body. Buy my horrid horror comic book, Grave Yarns, if you have a taste for giant spiders, crumbling skulls, leering "Horror Hosts," improbable, repulsive monsters, the sexual revenge of frustrated scientists, re-animated walking corpses, the Vengeance of the Dead-- that sort of thing. I'll have a few to sell right at the show. Buy my innovative tome The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks from Frog, Ltd. or right there at the show from me personally. Buy my prophetic comic book Alien Apocalypse 2006, a collaboration with Underground Comix legend Spain Rodriguez, from Frog, Ltd. or right there at the show from me personally. After November, buy my new hardback book, Dinosaur Alphabet from Frog, Ltd. or right there at the show from me personally. And I'll sign any and all of these books, thus exponentially increasing their collector's value. Beware-- my supply is not unlimited-- far from it. First come, first served. Brought to you by the Miracle Liquor the elixir vitae Fernet Branca, proud sponsor of the Ask Dr. Hal show since 2001 A.D. From now on until they force us out into the street, all questions instantly and irrevocably become the property of the management. We reserve the right to refuse service to you and all your kin, reject inappropriate questions and eject inappropriate questioners, abruptly, firmly, forcefully, gleefully and at will. Attn. Mission drunks, tosspots, plug-uglies and owlhoots: if you try to disrupt our show, you will be "bounced." As for everybody else, Chicken may unaccountably pelt you with wadded up papers-- but it's all in good fun, isn't it? Although, after coming across with our more-than-reasonable "entrance fee," it is not strictly necessary to pay more to enjoy the performance, and any such payment will not ensure or guarantee your appreciation of the evening, all questions should ideally be submitted in a regulation envelope containing an emolument to receive the fullest possible consideration. The better (i.e. larger) the emolument, the better (i.e. long-winded) the answer. A premium emolument precipitates a so-called "Bardic Recitation." Of course, unpaid questions will be answered, but in binary form by a turba philosophorum-- an assembled mob of magic 8-balls. The gabby Sternbergh 8-ball (heard editorializing a few years ago on KQED FM) can even speak its reply aloud. But if it's not a "yes or no" question, this type of answer frankly doesn't work very well, and tends to be somewhat unsatisfying. Just the same, no refunds given or answers guaranteed. You pay for it, you get it. No one religion or political party endorsed. And if you don't see what you want, just ask. We hope you have no objection, aesthetic or otherwise, to Gorilla or Robot Suits.Time tested. User-friendly. Preserved for Posterity. Written up in the weeklies. Featured on the radio, and in the Italian Daily Press. Taped for TV. Quoted at parties. Rough on Rats. Remembered in dreams, re-run in your nightmares. Featuring unexpected gorilla appearances, or sometimes a large white bear. Astrally projected. Alive in Living Memory. Provides automotive information. The subject of after-dinner anecdotes. Will pop into your mind at unguarded moments. That could make you laugh in public when you're not expecting it-- but don't blame us. Better than "The Playboy Advisor," and certainly cheaper. Recorded on Video Tape. There may be "Whippets." Are you really actually reading this? You are? Good for you. At least somebody is. We're obviously not for everybody, but then, as R. Crumb said, not everything's for children-- not everything's for everybody. Don't let the terrorists win-- They Hate our Freedom to laugh our heads off at shows like this, so-- it's important-- at the next election, vote them out of office next time. Impeachment is good, too. Get organized! We're located in the fluttering, fibrillating, palpitating Heart of the teeming Mission District. I'm not afraid of any so-called robot. Take Muni lines 14 or 49. Take the J Church streetcar to the 22nd St. stop and walk downhill. Take B.A.R.T. to 16th or 24th St. Station, transfer to Muni or walk the rest of the way-- it won't kill you, unlike some of the people on Muni. Take LSD and hallucinate the entire experience. And take the entire thing cum grano salis. But read all instructions (provided) before participating. Drink responsibly, but heavily. Robust alcohol consumption recommended for full enjoyment. Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. We will meet again in the place where there is no darkness.

Join my mailing list....

Chicken — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 07:01:54 GMT

I am setting up a new list that is collapsing a few other lists I have had recently; Ask Dr. Hal list, Damnlist, Odeonbar and others. I will post once weekly. If you don't remember me or are puzzled by this post, I have included a photo of me and a short blurb about who or what I am/do... you will find below instructions on how to subscribe. I would never share your address with any man or machine... I don't blog all the stuff that I do, although I do blog some of it. I find the email list a better too for most of what I do. If you don't know what I do, here is a bad example: Chicken John is a Showman living in San Francisco. A contributor and instigator with a long history of arranging Serendipity to accommodate Chaos when she comes to Destiny’s house for dinner. He is a documented confusionist. He is a qualified insultant. He also a mechanic and a writer. He owns a gigantic bus and a small dog. In his spare time he enjoys longs walks off a short pier, underwater basket weaving and writing dumb bios about himself... Here are a few links if you would like to get to know me...... This is the show I do on Wedesday nights: www.askdrhal.com Here is a video of that show: www.weirdamerica.com Here is a story I wrote: http://www.atasite.org/zine/issue3/un-named.html Here is me beating city tow out of $54 million dollars: www.wewillnotpay.org Here is some pteredactyl porn: www.pornotube.com/media.php Here is me myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/chickenjohn LIST SUBSCRIPTION Subscribeing to the list is simplicity in itself. You simply visit the following URL: http://lists.laughingsquid.org/mailman/listinfo/damnlist/ And do what the machine tells you to. Then, we shall be together at last!!!!!!!

Ask Dr. Hal show this Wedensday at 12 Galaxies

Chicken — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 19:02:04 GMT

THE DR. HAL SHOW WEEKLY-DISPATCH COURIER-SENTINEL-TRIBUNE-INTELLIGENCER-PICAYUNE Vol. VII No. 5 SPECIAL EDITION ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "ASK DR. HAL!" READY FOR TRIFECTA! LONG-RUNNING SHOW LEAPS AND BOUNDS RESILIENTLY OVER ALL HURDLES AND OBSTACLES AT TWELVE GALAXIES WITH ALL- NEW QUIPS, QUIDDITIES, MYSTERY GUESTS WEDNESDAY September 27th This Week "Ask Dr. Hal" Presents: ANTHROPOID MOVIE CLIP! "Threat Display of the Choleric Gorilla!" Exciting K-Rob Film Clip of an Irascible Simian terrifying Rubes at Flea-pit Carnival-- Hollywood Style ALSO PERENNIALLY FEATURING KrOB's VIDEO VERTIGO!TM PREHISTORIC MONSTER SOLECISMS! DRUNKEN SPECTACLES! GIANT SPIDER PROVOCATIONS! BARDIC ERUPTIONS! WHIPPET-AU GO-GO! FERNET GIVEAWAYS! CHICKEN JOHN'S DISCURSIVE MONOLOGUE! DAVID CAPURRO SCOOPS & HAULS UP THE SLUDGE FROM THE SEA-FLOOR OF THE INTERNET! PETE GOLDIE'S STARRY WISDOM! FRANK CHU'S IMPASSIONED TOURETTE-LIKE PROTEST SPIELS! BULLDADA BARRAGE OF MOVING MOVIE MONSTER MOMENTS! FANATICAL, FUNDAMENTALIST SUBGENIUS DOCTRINE! WITH BELOVÉD SPECIAL GUEST STAR KOGAR, THE KILLER GORILLA! ALL BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND GAGS! GROANS! GOOFS! GIRLS! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE! -------------- YOU are invited: ------------- ALSO FEATURING AIR GUITAR MASTER "TIGER" LATE OF L.A. It'll all be in our Award-winning Show (in the Bay Guardian Newspaper) WEDNESDAY NIGHT SEPT. 27TH! BEE THEIR OAR B SQUARE For immediate release-- The Ask Dr. Hal! show makes its way in the world, through swirling seas of incomprehension & indifference, to reach and divert its own special audience. Long-term attendees are well aware that in seasons when this Show is running, there's a certain zest in the air, a spring in your step, a song in your heart. Signs, Monsters & Prodigies are seen, to be sure, but only contained in & on KrOB's magic wonder-screen, for the delight & edification of All. Now in a comfortable, accommodating venue, 12 Galaxies on Mission St. near 22nd, the Show serves up Old Wine in New Bottles, so to speak. Actually, Metaphor aside, quite a variety of Alcohol is available to the discerning Imbiber (and to those less bibulous) before, during & after our Performance itself. And, unbelievably, though it may strain credulity, this veritable pinnacle of Entertainment will admit & welcome you for an altogether insignificant and trifling admission: STILL SEVEN PUNY DOLLARS! For more details, go to our wild & wiggly web site at http://askdrhal.com/ There's more added to this supernal Site all the time (by our own Wild-Man Webmaster Jascha Ephraim -- check out (or ask) the Question of the Day, enjoy new MP3 Files of Chicken & Hal gabbing on and on, gaze goggle-eyed at the incredible ever-expanding Pictorial Section, dazzle your ears with KrOB's Refrigerator Noise & remember: it's all about the show. Yes, we frankly admit-- would we deny it? --it's seven sheckels. No longer FREE at the late, great, oft-lamented Odeon bar, as during the Golden Age, where our low overhead allowed us to pass the savings along to you, for Fall 2006's incarnation of the show we are strenuously obliged to charge our patient patrons a paltry, pecuniary premium, the admission price of SEVEN DOLLARS ($7.00) American (the same amount it cost to attend our previous run @ 12G). Now, in keeping with the inflationary spirit of the times, we must request this modest, nominal charge for admission, a regrettable economic necessity in lean times of creeping crypto-fascism & monetary devaluation. Come on-- seven measly smackers-- what's that? The price-- or less-- of a mere burrito and beer (or the rough equivalent). But this sweaty, crumpled seven dollars admits you to a veritable wonderland, a memorable salon of music, mirth and intellectual inspiration-- it's actually quite a bargain, unlike the aforementioned (hypothetical) burrito. Speaking of which, the area abounds in culinary opportunities. Indeed, that burrito can be yours as close as the taqueria on the corner-- or, if you're surfeited with slumming, try the trendy, arty Foreign Cinema restaurant directly across from the premises-- or any of a multi-cultural gastronomic rainbow of choices to tickle even the sophisticated senses of a Brillat-Savarin or the jaded palate of the most titillated Trimalchio. Thai? Fried Chicken? This area's got it all. A more-than-generous Management will even allow you to bring that dripping burrito along with you, right into the club to devour-- there's no "corkage fee" or the burrito equivalent. So go ahead, explore, circumnavigate the globe of gourmandizing to be found in the "nabe;" -- be a gastronomic Magellan or a Vascular da Gama. Then, perhaps having dined, having also chosen not to heft that steaming burrito into the premises, amble on in to 12 Galaxies, pass the eagle-eyed, grim-visaged once-over of our brass-knuckled Doorman "Tiny" (no "terrorists" will be or ever have been admitted) and wash your repast down with any number of refreshing varieties of Alcohol, not excluding the (ughh) Miracle Liquid Fernet Branca. AIR GUITARIST Featured: A.D.H. Welcomes "TIGER!" Japan's Ochi "Dainoji" Yosuke was named the winner of the Air Guitar World Championship 2006 in Oulu, Finland this September 8th. Clad in a snug, tiger-adorned sweatshirt and ever-trendy aviator sunglasses (though the event took place indoors), Yosuke performed to Jet's "Are You Gonna Be My Girl," which he began by nonchalantly strutting on stage as the song's intro boasted chunky bass riffs and building percussion. He didn't stay cool for long, though, for when the song's mad guitar-wheeling kicked in, Yosuke picked 'n' flipped his imaginary git-fiddle like a pro. The champ's technical merit scores rang in at 5.9 across the board, except from one stingy "judge" who rated him at a mere 5.8. But actually we're not getting that guy, apparently, but someone else in this most dubious enterprise. The U.S.'s Craig "Hot Lixx Houllihan" Billmeier came in at sixth place. Thank the Lord, at least we're not getting him, either. I suppose we have some standards. It's somebody from L.A., though. And he calls himself, "Tiger." What Chicken won't do to keep from having to pay "Opening Act" talent... An Irate Gorilla Lashes Out! Yes, you read it right, of all things, a Gorilla. It all takes place at a traveling carnival,with the main attraction being a gorilla named "Goliath," billed as the "World's Largest Gorilla... (who, it is said) cost the lives of 1,000 men before his capture." (Wow! Why, that score's better than King Kong, '33 or '06!) Barker Joey Matthews is about to enter the gorilla act, teamed with the owner's sultry wife La Verne. But then, one night, one of the workers is found dead, horribly mutilated and shoved against some spikes. Owner Cy Miller is automatically suspected because he and the dead man had a "confrontation" the night before. But then, one by one everyone is suspected by gutsy, gritty Sgt.Garrison who slowly finds out more and more about all who're involved. This is great stuff, we kid you not. From the voluminous visual files of mighty KrOB. This absolutely educational and scientific presentation is offered as part of our ongoing show at the Best Night Club Experience for the Discriminating-- Twelve Galaxies. Social Notes As advertised, we put on a nonpareil iteration of Ask Dr. Hal! with a twin birthday tribute to scrivener "Scribe" Jones and Archivist of Superceded Optical Reproduction Systems Molli Simon. But, though prepared with gifts and video tributes, only the former actually showed up to receive his kudos (& free Fernet offering). At press time we still don't know what happened to Molli. This unwarranted breakdown of communication in the by-our-Lady "Digital Age" cannot be countenanced, either as an Act of God or the Devil. Why would anyone not want to be "honored" at Ask Dr. Hal? Still, we ploughed on... The show had started with the usual tirade from frantic Frank Chu, followed by Interplanetary Pasha Pete Goldie and his sanguine Space Science lecture. Then, all Gehenna busted loose. Just when we thought it was safe for Kogar the Mystery Gorilla to make his traditional entrance on stage in his time-tested role as The Brazilian Astronaut, instead a silvery Giant Robot loomed in his place. Despite Dr. Goldie's attempts at remote-control, the unit catastrophically failed-- and the sinister Automaton, arms flailing, advanced to smash a box of pathetically mewing free kittens on the stage. For shame, Pete! Keep your androids under control, we advise. It was, we were later assured, what they call a "technical glitch." Still, as always, The Show Must Go On, & the night was eventually enlightened by much bonhomie... The audience thronged with Dr. Hal Show fans, including Stuart Mangrum, Significant Other Michelle, Cathy Gottisod, Yogini Jen, & Sarah-the-Bartender... Svelte siren Jessie came to the show, fully recuperated, or so it seemed, from her recent desert mishap. Before Burning Man even started, a little bird told me, she was promptly run over by an Art Car. Then she experienced her own personal helicopter ride, airlifted to Reno... Prominent among new faces: newcomer 'Becca Necsiabrets & Gal Pal Mindy Treattigs... Brooke "Snatch Girl," Black Rock City Heavy Equipment Operator, was in attendance. She's a top-flight photog-- here's hoping she snapped some pix... Cloe Ashton was of course in the house to cheer on KrOB, while we noted Sister Mable Syrup at a forward table... Then there was indefatigable Paul "Pot" with his welcome donative-- he's working on Pete's N.A.S.A.-approved model of the Cassini Space Probe for next wks. show-- Josh the Orange Box Man & rubicund-phiz'd Moses. I believe that was indeed Mark Perez avec entourage... And also in the crowd appeared an unknown, Patchouli-scented hippie, whose identity, if extant, was concealed from all, even pertinacious Chicken, who was told "I'm not 'into' names, man." All-righty for you, Mr. Hippie, but you still made "Social Notes." The Show concluded in novel fashion: a Bus Trip. Yes, Chicken had hinted that one might be in the offing, and all those who spotted a familiar, still Playa-dusted green bus in front of 12 Galaxies-- a 1968 GMC motor coach with an 8-cylinder Diesel engine, a 3-speed automatic Allison tranny and no power steering-- could guess what was up. Or thought they could, anyway, for this was no bowling trip that Chicken was planning... You see, a little while back, showman Chicken John had found, lying on the sidewalk on Mission St., a driver's license belonging to one Wayne Carl Andrew of Santa Rosa. Now the incredible plan was that after concluding the show we'd all pile aboard the good old Odeon "Applause" bus & take Mr. Andrew his lost driver's license. Well, the show ended about a quarter of an hour after Midnight. With the "I-can't-be-up-so-late" crowd winnowed out, the rest of us got aboard. After a few stops at Donut Shoppes & the like, the old girl soon trundled across the G.G. Bridge and into the scenic county of Marin. On & on the bus roared, gulping expensive fuel and eating up every bit of profit we'd made on the show that night. Outside, silhouettes of trees rushed by against the starred sky. Eventually finding Pepperwood Road, the rustic lane on which, according to the license, Mr. Andrew resided, Chicken carefully eased the behemoth through a full turn on the dead-end street. That's so we'd be pointing in the right direction for a getaway in case Wayne Carl, whose three first names name and pop-eyed visage (on the D.L.) suggested a serial killer, was in fact a serial killer and perhaps "testy" at being awakened by a busload of giggling idiots at 2 AM, even if he was getting his missing I.D. back. Well sir, we pulls up in front of the house nice & quiet-like. All the lights are off. And, guess what-- left over from the show we happened to have a silvery robot suit aboard. So Chick won't allow anyone to get off except the robot, who goes stomping over and rings the doorbell. For a long time nothing happens. Then a faint light goes on and the guy comes to the door in his boxer shorts, staring uncomprehendingly at the blinking 'bot. "What's up?" he grunts. The robot holds out the license in its pincer claw. "This-is-your-driver's license," it intones. Then back into the bus double-time and we all grind away. "I'm not sure it was the guy," mused the robot suit's occupant. "It was totally him!" exulted Cloe. Meanwhile, Moses, already several sheets to the wind, poured down beer after beer. "I don't do drugs," pontificated the disgracefully drunk drunk. "Man, do I have to take a wicked piss!" Well, Mose, what you pour in here eventually has to come out there. I also discussed various drugs & their effects with Josh the Orange Box Man. It was a long, long ride back... Technical Footnote Careful observers of the last episode of the all-new Ask Dr, Hal! show noted that we now feature a new player. Yes, something new has been added-- KrOB's spanking new keyboard, the ultra-impressive Mammoth Synchtron 3000. It was about time for an upgrade, according to K.R., and this baby just fits the bill. They say it can do just about anything. More toggles & switches than the cockpit of a Boeing 747. Yes, sir (or Madam), you can expect to hear a whirlwind of new sound & musical effects when this wonder-device is put into harness. Incidentally, in addition to his notorious "edits," KrOB also creates video bookends to the show as of old. Come early, or stay late if you're a fan-- and check these out. Always something to see, see? YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE! AS AN EXPERIMENT, NEXT WEEK'S EDITION OF THIS REPORT WILL BE PUT OUT BY GUEST EDITOR CHICKEN JOHN. This is it! ASK Dr. HAL! INCORPORATING NEW & FAMILIAR FEATURES & SIDESHOWS, SCIENCE, SORCERY [EXCLUDING NECROMANCY] & SOPHISTRY-- ALL IN THE STYLE OF THE LATE, GREAT ODEON AGAIN AT 12 GALAXIES, A HIGH-TONED, HIGH-CEILINGED ESTABLISHMENT WITH FULL BAR YOU NEVER KNOW WHO WILL SHOW UP OR WHAT WILL HAPPEN! THIS WEDNESDAY! Can't wait till then? Check out the Dr. Hal Show right now! ...via nosy newshound-shutterbug Scott Beale's pix shot right at the scene with digital diligence. To ogle his complete, sequential photo-record/slide show of the spied Show, go, man, go-- to http://laughingsquid.com/2006/03/21/ask-dr-hal-show-chicken-johns-birthday-photos/ Be honest. Haven't you missed it? Hasn't there been a gnawing sense of something missing in your life? Something like... THE AFFABLE, AMIABLE COMMENTARY & MONOLOGUE OF YOUR TWINKLY, GENIAL CO-HOST CHICKEN JOHN THE MARVELLOUS MUTATED MUSICAL MEANDERINGS OF COFFEE CULT HERO K-ROB (not the false, Oakland K-Rob, but the true Hero of Café This and Clandestine Radio) AND THE CHEST-BEATING BRAVADO OF AN INSANELY FURIOUS MONSTER GORILLA (I know, they're supposed to be peaceful, endangered leaf-eaters but who cares?) AND THE SIMMERING SIMPATICO SIMIAN, KOGAR THE LIVE ACTION THRILLER GORILLER (Don't worry, folks-- he gets plenty of bananas) AND BEWILDERING FOOTAGE OF DINOSAURS & FORMER U.S. PRESIDENTS AND THE OPTICAL OBLOQUY OF COMPUTER & YO-YO FIEND DAVID CAPURRO (From his mind through the cross-connected wiring of the Internet to your eyes) AND THE SUPREME SCIENTIFIC SHOW-AND-TELL OF N.A.S.A. LIASON & ASTRO-EXPERT PETE GOLDIE (The Learn'd Astronomer, a Boffo Boffin, Interprets the Starry Realm) AND THE IMPASSIONED BUT ULTIMATELY INCOHERENT RANTING OF PERENNIAL PROTEST-SIGN BEARER FRANK CHU (You can depend on his being there) All accompanying THE STARTS, FITS, ORACULAR & BARDIC RESPONSES, RUMINATIONS & REJOINDERS OF Dr. HOWLAND OWLL, B.A., M.C.S. etc. THAT IS, AFTER YOU MANAGE TO PASS THE GIMLET-VISAGED GAZE OF OUR SURLY, MENACING DOORMAN "TINY" Remember, we are perpetually endeavoring to improve our presentation, and adjusting our new format for the convenience of our dedicated friends and patrons. We entreat our old fellow-travellers to remember that, these days, contrary to their previous experience and expectation, the show actually will start on time. These days that means ten sharp. Last time the whole thing-- not counting the After-Show Bus Trip-- was two hours long! We don't want to get our audience fired when they come stumbling & bumbling into their day jobs sleep-deprived on account of us. Remember, if in the past we've been late in casting off, that has been partially your fault. Oh, if enough people would only come earlier, we wouldn't have to hold the curtain. But for the rest of it we have to take responsibility-- otherwise there's a very real tendency for showtime always to lag while we go through endless permutations of sound checks, trapeze-rigging, KrOB cajoling, backstage dressing room hysterics or what have you. And this forthcoming time might be no different. Do come early, not late-- even if we're delayed it gives y'all time to schmooze & socialize, hang out, drink, laugh and swap lies. It's a party. An oasis of Slack in your week that it just doesn't make sense to miss. BE THERE SEPTEMBER 27TH-- THE SECOND HELPING OF THE ALL-NEW ASK Dr. HAL! L e g a l D i s c l a i m e r Not for Logophobics. "Ask Dr. Hal" is open to all seekers and thirsters after Enlightenment, except for the ones Chicken John permanently boots out of 12 Galaxies. Furthermore, special consultations and hands-on initiations are available in private, particularly for well-knit, gracile, nubile females over the currently legal drinking age of 21. Everybody else, including all would-be prospective opening act performers, is asked to present his or her resume, life history, astrological chart, nude photos, sob stories, requests for handouts, X-rays, dirty linen, pickled punks, tortillas or scat-stained BVDs with miraculous portraits of Jesus, Mohammed or Pee-Wee Herman thereupon, VHS cassettes, reel-to-reels, 8mm, Super 8, 16mm or Viewmaster 3-D reels, CDs, DVDs and/or audition tapes directly to warm-hearted "Chicken"John for evaluation when he is available. I am unable, owing to serious demands on my time at present, to provide (shudder) "relationship" advice, give off-the-cuff psychological analyses, advise you in legal, medical or personal matters, critique your "poetry," artwork or the manuscript of your novel, or perform an impromptu phrenological examination. Sorry, I must refrain from answering questions when "off duty." This is a period and condition which begins at the moment the show ends and regularly lasts until the beginning of the next week's performance. I'm not kidding, don't come at me with questions when it isn't even Wednesday and I'm not doing the show. Otherwise, all are most welcome. Step right up, no shoving, room for all. Not for the fearful, tearful, fretful, regretful, self-obsessed or feeble-minded, nor for cranks, fanatics, crank addicts, witches, bitches, hysterics, epileptics, cataleptics, young, impressionable children or those who are no longer children but are (too) easily shocked. Oneiromancy a specialty. Some restrictions apply. Easy to play. Follow all directions. Be the first on your block to attend. We provide an Oracle of Truth; you provide the consequences. Yelling at the stage from the audience will be severely discouraged. For interface during showtime we suggest the "side note." Available in other venues, and for weddings, funerals, corporate entertainment retreats, secret ceremonies, bar and bat mitzvahs. Scientific, educational. Healthful, revivifying, nutritive. Take cum grano salis. Results may vary. Does not (usually) stain clothing. No complicated machinery to buy. Anyone can play. Fun for the whole family (if, that is, the whole family is of legal drinking age). We almost always show a dinosaur movie. Pens, envelopes, instruction booklets and question slips provided free of charge. No pushy salesman will call. Quotes the poets. Witty, bawdy, topical. Will tell you your Totem Animal. Hypnotic and horrific. Reads tea leaves and T-shirts. Foretells the future, casts spells, locates missing objects, heals, sickens, communicates with the Spirit World, knows the Meaning of Life and the secrets of human hearts in this world and the next, for all the good it does. Will design your tattoo. Available for Sex Magick, though at times barely able to function sexually. Bring your parents and loved ones. Do not exceed recommended dosage. May take attendees bowling in the middle of the night. Reveals Past Lives and Life of the Past. The most amazing thing seen anywhere, I kid you not. Bachelors and cads, take notice: some of the most fetching (though crazy) women in San Francisco regularly attend. They really are maddeningly lovely. A co-production of the Church of the SubGenius. Dobbs Approved. Ameliorates the Terror of the Gods. Reads the palm of the hand, reads by touch the bumps on the head and the contours of the uncovered female body. Buy my horrid horror comic book, Grave Yarns, if you have a taste for giant spiders, crumbling skulls, leering "Horror Hosts," improbable, repulsive monsters, the sexual revenge of frustrated scientists, re-animated walking corpses, the Vengeance of the Dead-- that sort of thing. I'll have a few to sell right at the show. Buy my innovative tome The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks from Frog, Ltd. or right there at the show from me personally. Buy my prophetic comic book Alien Apocalypse 2006, a collaboration with Underground Comix legend Spain Rodriguez, from Frog, Ltd. or right there at the show from me personally. After November, buy my new hardback book, Dinosaur Alphabet from Frog, Ltd. or right there at the show from me personally. And I'll sign any and all of these books, thus exponentially increasing their collector's value. Beware-- my supply is not unlimited-- far from it. First come, first served. Brought to you by the Miracle Liquor the elixir vitae Fernet Branca, proud sponsor of the Ask Dr. Hal show since 2001 A.D. From now on until they force us out into the street, all questions instantly and irrevocably become the property of the management. We reserve the right to refuse service to you and all your kin, reject inappropriate questions and eject inappropriate questioners, abruptly, firmly, forcefully, gleefully and at will. Attn. Mission drunks, tosspots, plug-uglies and owlhoots: if you try to disrupt our show, you will be "bounced." As for everybody else, Chicken may unaccountably pelt you with wadded up papers-- but it's all in good fun, isn't it? Although, after coming across with our more-than-reasonable "entrance fee," it is not strictly necessary to pay more to enjoy the performance, and any such payment will not ensure or guarantee your appreciation of the evening, all questions should ideally be submitted in a regulation envelope containing an emolument to receive the fullest possible consideration. The better (i.e. larger) the emolument, the better (i.e. long-winded) the answer. A premium emolument precipitates a so-called "Bardic Recitation." Of course, unpaid questions will be answered, but in binary form by a turba philosophorum-- an assembled mob of magic 8-balls. The gabby Sternbergh 8-ball (heard editorializing a few years ago on KQED FM) can even speak its reply aloud. But if it's not a "yes or no" question, this type of answer frankly doesn't work very well, and tends to be somewhat unsatisfying. Just the same, no refunds given or answers guaranteed. You pay for it, you get it. No one religion or political party endorsed. And if you don't see what you want, just ask. We hope you have no objection, aesthetic or otherwise, to Gorilla or Robot Suits.Time tested. User-friendly. Preserved for Posterity. Written up in the weeklies. Featured on the radio, and in the Italian Daily Press. Taped for TV. Quoted at parties. Rough on Rats. Remembered in dreams, re-run in your nightmares. Astrally projected. Alive in Living Memory. Provides automotive information. The subject of after-dinner anecdotes. Will pop into your mind at unguarded moments. That could make you laugh in public when you're not expecting it-- but don't blame us. Better than "The Playboy Advisor," and certainly cheaper. Recorded on Video Tape. There may be "Whippets." Are you really actually reading this? You are? Good for you. At least somebody is. We're obviously not for everybody, but then, as R. Crumb said, not everything's for children-- not everything's for everybody. Don't let the terrorists win-- They Hate our Freedom to laugh our heads off at shows like this, so-- it's important-- at the next election, vote them out of office next time. Impeachment is good, too. Get organized! We're located in the fluttering, fibrillating, palpitating Heart of the teeming Mission District. I'm not afraid of any so-called robot. Take Muni lines 14 or 49. Take the J Church streetcar to the 22nd St. stop and walk downhill. Take B.A.R.T. to 16th or 24th St. Station, transfer to Muni or walk the rest of the way-- it won't kill you, unlike some of the people on Muni. Take LSD and hallucinate the entire experience. And take the entire thing cum grano salis. But read all instructions (provided) before participating. Drink responsibly, but heavily. Robust alcohol consumption recommended for full enjoyment. Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. We will meet again in the place where there is no darkness.

In memorial.... a show this Friday @ 12 Galaxies with Faun Fables, Baby Dee and more....

Chicken — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 21:31:22 GMT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In Memorial~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A performance honoring and memorializing a person who did not find celebrity in the time they shared with us, we show reverence and respect to one whom would appreciate it most… With… Baby Dee It’s the cutest Bee you’ll ever see performing funeral dirges on a harp and singing delightful ditties on her accordion. This circus staple and natural redhead hailing from Cleveland, Ohio is in town for one night only… Fawn Fables Dawn and Nils present their show; a haunting performance of music that commands your attention in the aural realms as well as others… if we are very lucky, they will bless us with one of their amazing operettas or a special guest or 2… Loop! Station Is it a cello and a vocalist or a choir and an orchestra? You won’t be able to answer that question with your eyes closed. The best band in SF. Trapeze by Mirium High above the crowd, Mirium swings on the trapeze…. Dr. Hal Robins Dr. Hal orates a classic poem of epic proportions… Eulogy by Chicken John Somehow he’ll tie it all together and call it art…. Friday, August 18th 12 Galaxies 2565 Mission @22nd Street 9:00 $15

need a running diesel car for project

Chicken — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 18:12:58 GMT

Like a VW or something.... can pay.... it needs to be the power to push a boat thing.... check this out www.floatingneutrinos.com gonna do one down the Mississippi. Yup....