A couple of weeks ago, Saranade and I trolled the horse stable strip looking for odd jobs. I have 26 years of experience with horses, and I was hoping to score a groom/trainer gig that would not only add some dollars to the coffer but also yield free therapy. I had set my intentions to renew my lifelong relationship with my spirit animal this year, which usually costs hot steaming piles o' cash. Getting a job working with horses would be cheaper than free--I'd get paid!

I love the universe's sense of humor. This weekend, Gretchen called back offering me a groom job! She runs the sharpest establishment in the canyon and has impeccable master horse trainer credentials. The icing on the cake is that Banshee used to board and train HER horse at Gretchen's and can't speak highly enough of her. I walked on clouds all weekend!

Yesterday, I drove on out to interview with her and show her my stuff. It's a 30 minute drive, and I am only available while my kids are in school, which restricts me to part-time only positions. Because of my many other endeavors, especially Cat Chloe Designs, any job I take outside of the home must pack a decent financial wallop to warrant what it takes away from the rest. I was offered $6 per hour under the table?!?!?!

At first, I was unfazed. I am literally desperate for cash, and if I took this, I'd get $50 cash today, right before Fool's. The smell of horses dazzles me, as does the sight and touch of their radiant bodies. My muscles rejoiced at the workout of currying six different gorgeous showhorses who all towered at least 17 hands tall. I felt pounds dropping off my hips as I marched up and down the slope leading horses to and from the turnout pen. A blissed-out grin plastered on my face, I made those wonderful noises that horsepeople make: clucking, kissing, hey!, little snuffly hello sounds, "good boy!".... If I got to do this for free, I'd be happy, and here I was earning $25.

It certainly isn't a piece of cake job, and Gretchen is a hard taskmaster. I had to curry, brush, clean hooves, wash the face, boot, moisturize the tail, and tack up within 10 minutes per horse. I got down to about 15, and I was panting. Grooming horses that tall sure does make your arms tired, too. I admire and appreciate the shipshape way Gretchen runs her stable, and I was anxious to please her. I was already learning new things that I've only ever paid trainers to teach me before: ice wrapping the legs, horses on ulcer meds, new varieties of protective horse boots, pony club grooming regulations....and she was promising me riding opportunities as well, since I LOOOOVE riding the horses that scare other people with their spazzed-out antics. I excel in mellowing and comforting troubled, hurting horses who act out. We are balms to one another's souls.

Well, the spell gets broken pretty fast when you are rushing back to reality on the freeway for an extra half hour's worth of precious gasoline, running on fumes with your fingers crossed, to pick up your kid from school. Returning home to the insane preparations for Fool's and my new Feral clothing line with five less hours of time and physically exhausted made me feel torn in 18 different directions. HazMatt was outraged by such a low wage offer, calling it insulting. And I suppose I could call it that too, but I choose not to take it personally and thus cannot be offended. It is what it is. But being what it is, I simply can't justify spending that much time, energy, and gas on such a low paying job, no matter how therapeutic. Plus, Gretchen needs someone full-time, six days a week and that ain't me. I had to call her back this morning and leave a message on her machine that I'm not coming today after all because I respect her time too much and I respect my own earning power too much to jack around like that. I even said that I hope that I could return as a paying client some day soon when my financial horizons improve.

So, ha ha, universe, that was a good one. Thanks for the laugh. Next horse opportunity, please! Next work opportunity, please!

Please, friends, I need Cat Chloe Designs and Feral to pan out. Buy burner!