so this time of year never holds well with me for whatever reason. this is when something bad always seems to happen to me. i fucked up bad. me and doc were dating again and this time everything was (mostly) great. and then i started to feel lazy and unhealthy and bored and slightly insane. none of which was his direct doing, by any means. but unfortunately, instead of being a compassionate loving being i decided to be selfish and impulsive and try to kiss this other guy. and i really do think this kid is amazing and i didn't want to drag him into this silly cycle of bullshit, and yet, i have. in this all i seem to have really hurt doc. i feel absolutely terrible, but what the hell am i supposed to do now? i went to sumalnd to try to confess what i had(almost) done. brad beat me to it it seems, because i showed up to find a very angry doc waiting for me there. and to make all of this worse i have to find a new place to live pronto because Jesus flipped and told everyone to get the fuck off his land, ASAP. one or the other of these things i could have dealt with. shit! i could have dealt easily with the break up and the move if i wouldn't have lost an amazing friend in the process. i feel like i have no family, no house and nobody to cry to know because I fucked up again. goddess help me please. i'm really losing it here. but at least i'm still in paradise, right?